Prussia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| UNAMERICAN |
| This article hates America, just like everyone else does. See more about Unamerica. |
“Gottfluch, sind wir nicht Russen!!”
~ Famous Prussian Battlecry
| |||||
| Motto: "You can find our Blue everywhere!" | |||||
| Anthem: "PruĂźischeland Ăśber Alles" | |||||
| |||||
| Capital | Berlin | ||||
| Largest city | Neu-Berlin | ||||
| Official languages | Better German,Deutsch | ||||
| Government | Lagermeister System | ||||
| -King | Adolphus Busch | ||||
| -Proto-Fuhrer | Beermaster Mike | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Beer, and Weapons. | ||||
| Declaration of Independence | Declared Independant after the Invention of Beer. temporarily disbanded after WWI | ||||
| Currency | The Prussian Mark | ||||
| Religion | Expansionism | ||||
| Major exports | Weapons, War, and fights | ||||
| Major imports | Weak German cannon fodder, and More Beer | ||||
Prussia, a state created in 1843 by a joint-venture of Russia and Persia, was a pissed off and usually very angry, teutonic state in Northern Europe that no longer exists except as a state of mind. Forged from a mixture of protestant work-ethic and militarism, Prussians were so tough they were widely-believed to have been hatched from cannon balls by the terrified, fleeing peoples whose lands bordered theirs. They were known and the few still alive are known as the Strongest of the Germans.
Prussia is inhabited primarily by the Prussian Sub-Species of German, but many Germans also make Prussia their home.
Contents |
[edit] History
Hatched from the aforementioned cannon ball, Prussia was invading countries before it was barely out of its diapers (This country later became known as Germany). While Prussians enjoy their sport, particularly hunting, they have a way of getting carried away. Prior to the evolution of the rest of the human race the Prussians hunted dinosaurs to extinction because it was "fun." Prussians have also enjoyed being the instrument of the gods of wrath here on earth in the early years. They destroyed the Garden of Eden when one of its inhabitants got uppity and forgot her place and razed Sodom and Gomorrah when they told God to sit on it.
After their stint as agents of the gods of earthly punishments, they went back to Prussia where, disguised as ignorant barbarians, fended off (and slaughtered) the Romans for years and years, until it got boring. They then went down and sacked Rome, establishing a tradition of bringing a world of hurt to the enemy, even if they did only spill their mead on your wife's dress. The Romans didn't take to this, and began to fight back. The Prussians then grew bored of it and bet with the other drunken Germans that they couldn't invade Rome. This freed their lands of other Germans and thus fell the Romans.
Following the Middle Ages and various cybernetic implants, the Prussians were called upon to deal with a feisty little Italian named Napoleon. But being the nice guys that they were and since they always liked to humiliate the French wherever possible, they let the British "beat" the French at the battle of Water-World. The Prussians made a good show of it and to prove that they were the manliest of men, the Prussian commander Blucher wrestled his own horse, 4 crocodiles, 18 elephants and 3 Walker-Class Mechas bare-handed all at once. After winning he asked for a tall glass of blood and a shot of whiskey, resurrected his horse, and went on to beat the French at a rumble your sausage competition, the 27th Consecutive competition between the Prussians and French that day.
After 1871, the Prussians decided the rest of Germany needed to get its act together and united the rest of the country through various cybernetic implants and the promise of a buy one get one free war of your choosing in a foreign land. To fulfill these promised the Prussians were forced to start the First World War, as a Prussian always honors a promise. After handing out various door prizes and going on many sight seeing trips, the Prussians settled down for a while...UNTIL 1939. Then they got all excited, invaded all of Europe, parts of Asia and Africa and shook their fists angrily at the moon. That was when the Prussians ran up and began poking the Western Allies and Russia with a toothpick because they wanted more challenge. This proved to be their undoing, as has been shown time and time again, the crazy-ass Rooskies are mad as shit and promptly RAPED the Prussians in every hole available (tearing a few new ones as they went along).
[edit] Government
Prussia was a monarchy built upon the absolute rule of the Supreme High General King of Prussia and The World. This title itself was pretty grandiose, and they meant every single word of it! The King was advised by a cabinet, but he rarely bothered listening to them and tended to use them as kickballs and to make general sport of.
Following the union of the German Empire in 1871, the King of Prussia became Emperor of Germany. This gave all subsequent Kings of Prussia a raging hardon from the newfound power, which they found hard to disguise in official photographs.
When the German Monarchy was overthrown in the revolutions of 1918 Prussia became part of a Republican Germany. The Prussians considered this their lowest ebb. Then the Nazis came along and restored all that Prussia thought was good and true.
Following the defeat in World War II, Prussia was discontinued as an official part of Germany. Europe and the world, then for the first time, breathed a sigh of relief.
Just you wait, though...
[edit] Currently
Prussia no longer exists. Prussians still live in various countries. And it is only a matter of time before pure blooded Prussians once again take over the whole of Germany, the eastern part of the United States, and Minnesota.
[edit] Trivia
- Prussians Are known to eat Raw lead for breakfast, Steel for lunch, and Blood and Iron for dinner, this leads to a high rate of Prussian Diarrhea consisting of 9mm Bullets.
- Arnold Schwarzenegger is one of the few Non-Prussians Capable of Achieving this feat: Along with Chuck Norris and Barney.
- Prussian Blue comes not from the color that Prussians make their enemies, but from the true color of Prussian Blood, which is often visible in their eyes as well.
- Any Prussian's favorite Past-time is always Invading France.
[edit] See Also
| This Deutschland-related article appears to be lacking in efficiency. Its creator (who is probably Black, Jewish, or homosexual) will be eliminated. Zerstören Sie! |
