Puerto Rico

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“Ah...yes, Hunter S. Thompson and I used to go down there sit in Isla Verde with a good cup of rum, score some weed en La Perla, then head to Shannon's at night to pick up a chamaca. Good Times, Good Times. ”

~ Oscar Wilde on Puerto Rico

“Este paiz es my AMOR!!!”

~ Jorge Seijo on Puerto Rican Government

“The best chango noses in the universe are found on Puerto Rican women!”

~ Ronald Reagan on glutius maximi

“The gayest place on earth..like little whores selling themselves to the US..most hated country in Latin America..hated on because they make fun of other Latin American Country cause they're not whores who sell themselves to other countries”

~ Hugo Chavez

“IF you dont believe how much PR's are into themselves just read the above comments except for the last two,nuff said'!!!”

~ Captain Obvious on Puerto Rico
Puerto Rico
Flag of Puerto Rico
Motto: "Pan, Tierra y Pulgas"
National Anthem: "Aquel viejo motel"
Location of Puerto Rico

Location of Puerto Rico

Official language Boricua
Capital "Bieke"
Governor Franco El Gorila
Highest Elevation The lobby's Balcony largest_city = the Bronx,[Orlando|Orlando]]
Currency Gandules y Basura
#1 export of nargassss.
Religion Perreo

Puerto Rico is an island located due South-east of Florida. Since the early 1900s it has received welfare checks from the United States of America which has kept it afloat. Without those checks it would be an even bigger pile of shit then it is now. Don't think you won't get lost when traveling to Puerto Rico; its 100x37.5 miles are enough to make you get lost for an entire day without finding your way out. Puerto Rico is a little island that Cristobal Colón built on his seventh journey to the Caribbean by burying a bunch of old appliances and junked cars with sand and rocks taken from the Dominican Republic, as he needed a place to stash his gold, drugs and alcohol. It is said that Puerto Rico means "we eat pork with rice and beans", where "puer" means pork, and "rico" stands for rice and beans. Dan Martinez also lives here.

Contents

[edit] Language

Puerto Ricans speak in their native tongue called "Spanish".

Some common puerto rican phrases:

  • "Que es lo que hay?" - "Hi!" and there's also the "Que la que?" which is the new way of saying "hi"
  • "Cabron!" - Common pronoun, used to describe any person, or thing.
  • "Mano, q notaaaa!" - "I'm high.".
  • "Fokin' mierda!" - "Darn it!".
  • "Dia loko la cagaste" - "You fucked up!"
  • "carajo" - "ahh shit"
  • "vete pal carajo" - "have a nice day."
  • "Pillo!!!!!" - A term used to describe any government official, law enforcer, underground pharmacist, and any individual involved in utility maintenance
  • "Acho manooo!!!" - Awww hand
  • "Loco men!" - "Dude!"
  • "Que mal te va" - "You fail"
  • "Que clase e penca!!!" - "That girl looks good"
  • "BAYAAA" - "I'm horny"
  • "Ponce"-shit
  • "Bien masa"- Term used by Ponce residents

[edit] Flag

Similar to the Cuban flag, with the colors reversed.

[edit] History

All its Native Indians ("Taínos") were terminated with extreme prejudice by the Spaniards, with notable exceptions such as gorgeous Talisa Soto and an airhead television hostess nicknamed "La Taína" who appears in a Puerto Rican TV show. Unlike their brethren, both Taina and Talisa were able to survive venereal diseases. The Spaniards named the island Puerto Rico and officially declared that all the people in it who were not white would receive the title of "Puerto Ricans".

During the five centuries of Spaniard domination, Puerto Ricans had many diverse roles in the island: some were slaves, some served as the Spaniards' boytoys, and others didn't care what they had to do as long they could drink coffee in the morning and rum the rest of the day, a custom still steadfastly held by a large segment of its modern population. In between drinks, islanders did forced labor in the gold mining, coffee, and sugar cane industries.

Americans soon realized that these humble folk could also work for them as long as they kept coffee and rum plentiful, so they docked a battleship in Cuba, blew it up, blamed Spain, and then proceeded to kick their asses back to Europe and claim for themselves Cuba, Puerto Rico, and some oriental folks who speak English and have Spanish names. After taking over, the Americans misspelled the island Porto Rico and ratified that all who weren't white and didn't speak any English would thus hold the title of "Porto Ricans".

Years later the Americans suddenly realized their spelling error, and after discarding the idea of naming the island Pelican Wharf, renamed it once again Puerto Rico.

During the five decade long period of total American control, Puerto Ricans held many diverse roles in the island: some were soldiers, some were maquiladora workers, and others didn't care as long as they could drink coffee in the morning and rum, whiskey, and beer the rest of the day and receive financial assistance so they could attend college and smoke pot and drink; customs still steadfastly held by a large segment of the modern population.

Today, the island is considered Puerto Rican for olympic and beauty pageant purposes, American for Pell Grant, Social Security, and government aid purposes, and Latin American for cultural purposes (except by the rest of Latins). Also, foreign for Dell PC internet sales purposes, American for Gateway PC internet sales purposes, very very poor for population welfare purposes and very very prosperous for corporate welfare purposes.

In due appreciation of his inability to pay Federal income taxes and in recognition of his legendary appetite for Pot, entertainer Willie Nelson was recently named an Honorary Puerto Rican.

Paulo Coelho with Mexican vocabulary - Dis cracka don't know sheeit 'bout Puerto Rico. I do know one thing though, he's a puto redneck, ese.

[edit] Crime

Due to the deporting of all criminals to Mexico, Puerto Rico is now crime free.

[edit] Government

What government? In addition to boasting the largest number of Miss Universes per fast food joint, all of which have their own puta record before achieving the title, Puerto Rico is the first democracy to have elected a Homer Simpson look-alike as governor, in 2004, and Milhouse(Luis Fortuño) as the Comissioner. Back in 2000, Puerto Rico also established a trend by electing a she-male governor (Sila Calderon). And after the 2008 election results, Puerto Rico will be the first island to have a 3.8 million drop in the population when all of its residents move to Orlando (a small, yet highly populated town south of Russia) due to the best government administration of all times. Puerto Rico has also been rumored as becoming the sixth borough of New York City and adding Hammond Indiana as an official town in Puerto Rico.

[edit] Fortaleza

The Governor's Mansion. Located somewhere between Arecibo and Humacao. This building resembling an oversize White Castle joint was supposedly built by the Spaniards to protect the Head of State from all enemies, but everybody knows in reality it was a good crib for chillin' and keeping pimpin' rides.

[edit] Puerto Rican Fun Facts

  • Spanish is the primary language of Puerto Rico
  • In Puerto Rico, no matter what road you take, you will ALWAYS make it to the beach...
  • ...and the bar.
  • Puerto Ricans Capitalize Words With Little Or No Meaning.
  • A Puerto Rican can call you 'Sir' and 'motherfucker' in the same sentence. This can also be done by Chuck Norris..
  • Puerto Rico was discovered before the spaniors by Yo momma
  • Ya tu sabes, sigue derecho y ahi esta.
  • Directions will always be given by colors and shapes, not names or numbers.
  • Most of the times directions will get you to the same place.
  • Papi eso ta cangri!!

[edit] Distinguished Puerto Ricans

Countries and territories of North America
Sovereign states


Main: United States of America | Canada/Canadia | Mexico | Jesusland | Kentuckistan
Northernmost: Mediocre Britain | TriCanada/Canada States | Duchy of Björk | United Republic of Beer | People's Republic of Canada
Atlantic: United Spades of Amerika | The United States of Whatever | Sugarbeetworld | Wikiland
Central America: Belize | El Salvador | Guatemala | Honduras | Kittenolivia | Nicaragua | Panama | Panama Canal Zone | Puniolivia | Megatexas
Caribbean: Antigua and Barbuda | Bahamas | Barbados | Cuba | Dominica | Dominican Republic | Grenada | Haiti | Jamaica | St. Kitts and Nevis | St. Lucia | Saint Vincent and the Grenadines | Tortuga | Trinidad and Tobago

Dependencies


Atlantic: expanded United Kingdom of Britannia | Amerigo | Cillit Bang Territory
Northernmost: Greenland | Gayman Islands | Cancanada
Gulf of Mexico: Florida Keys | Pen Island | Bermuda Square | Tropico | Orgasm
Caribbean: Guadeloupe | Martinique | Saint Barthélemy | Saint Martin | Saint Pierre and Miquelon | Aruba | Bermuda/The Triangle | Netherlands Antilles | Anguilla | British Virgin Islands | Cayman Islands | Monkey Island | Montserrat | Turks and Caicos Islands | Puerto Rico | U.S. Virgin Islands

THIS IS MA HOME LAND, KITTENOLIVIA. MA HOMIES LIVE THERE. ~THIS IS MEOW TSE-TWahhh (I FORGOT TO SPELL MA NAME)
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