Pyramid Head
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“He indescriminately slaughters, then brutally rapes people, especially mannequins, in that exact order?! I like this guy already!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Pyramid Head
Pyramid Head is an extremely popular male dancer/stripper working at the Silent Hill male strip club, Boylesque. Tight ass cheeks, sexy muscles, open wounds and that pyramidal head... Squeeeeee...!!! Not to mention that eye-poppingly big object of his that makes all heads turn as he walks by - the Great Knife - it's no wonder that Pyramid Head is so hot with the ladies.
Pyramid Head has displayed sexual preferences in all directions from female to male to walking double mannequin legs and the occasional Grue. Though notorious for his S&M antics, he claims that none has ever resulted in death, "intentionally".
His favorite chocolate is Toblerone. Kawaiii...!!
Contents |
[edit] pimping
p head as he is called in silent hill has butt-raped,stabbed and slapped every hoe in silent hill at least 9,999 times. He is, therefore, PIMP MAZTER KING SUPREIM!!!
[edit] His dark side
Pyramid Head is also known to be pretty good at fucking killing people, so much so that even Chuck Norris would think twice before crossing him. But Keenan Jay could take him on no problem, he shot him, twas fun. One time, kira tried to write Pyramid Heads name into the DeathNote, but this only pissed him off and resulted in Kira being *chopped*, for Pyramid Head's real name is "Xxchillybrandana, Fangasmic Oreo the twenty third." Speed is a bit of an issue whenever Pyramid Head has to lumber about his Great Knife, which looks to weigh a couple of tons. Taking this into consideration, Chuck Norris can still take PH out if it weren't for the bloody big helmet. However, Chuck is fucked if Pyramid uses his point-ed stick...POINT-ED STICK!!!
He can also causes his knife to become spontaniously combusted, which is good for burning great knife slashes (which allways ingnite and get criticals,) but cause lino flooring to explode and can brun down any types of forrest, even Forrest Gump. So, in the words of sonic the hodgeheg, "That's no gooood."
[edit] Ways to really die by Pyramid Head
- Get knifed by the Great Knife into three pieces
- Get skewered by a point-ed stick in the back
- Have your clothes completely ripped off followed by your skin
- Get raped by the Great Knife
- Get raped by Pyramid Head's head - Ouch!
- Fall off a rooftop and get skewered on Pyramid Head's head
- Buttsecks
- See what is under the helmet and die
- Get tentecal raped by his random tentecal
[edit] Famous last words
As have been generally observed, anyone who ever gets killed by Pyramid Head always get to say their last words, and anyone around to hear them will forever have those words engraved into their heads and eventually into history. Chuck Norris can't die so he is an exception.
So, here they are:
| Person | Last words | Response |
| Unknown | "Shit!" | Chop |
| Unknown | "Fuck!" | Chop |
| Unknown | "Fuuuuuuck!!" | Chop |
| Unknown | "Just don't rape me." | Rape. Chop |
| Clint Eastwood | "Do ya feel lucky?" | Chop
"Yes, yes I do." |
| Admiral Ackbar | "It's a trap!" | "It's a Fap!"
Ass rape, turn his neck 360 degrees, then facepalm into beartrap. |
| Unknown | "Please don't hurt me!" | Chop
"Like that was going to work!" |
| Unknown | "I HAD YOUR MUM!!!!" | Ass raped to death |
| Captain Vidal | "tell my son when I died." | ".....No, HA HA" Beats with a bottle to the face, then shoots through the head with his own pistol. |
| Captain Vidal's son | "Goo goo, gaa gaa" | Stamp, feeds to the Pale Man. |
| Japanese School Girl | "Kawaiii!!!!" | "...ok, time for the clichéd answer to this problem."
Generates penis shaped tentecals from under helmet, folowed by 3 days of vigorous tentecal raep. Chop. |
| Unknown | "AAAAAAAAA!" | "BBBBBBBBB!"
Chop |
| Shoop Da Woop | "Ima Chargin Mah Lazor..." | "Ima Hackin Ur Fornums!!!!!"
Hacks Fornums, causing Shoop to have a seisure which leads to a stroke and death. |
| Unknown | "Oh noes!" | "Oh yeses!" Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Raep, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape, Rape and more Rape. |
| Unknown | "PWNED" | "You mean PWND, dumbass."
Chop |
| Captain | "For great justice!" | Alien death ray extends from the top of his helmet, disintergration. |
| H.S. | "Save me Jebus!" | "No."
Chop |
| Mick Dundee | "That's not a knife..." | Chop
"Yes, yes it is!" |
| Steve Irwin | "OMFG, Crikey!" | Stab right through the heart, then melt him with the flaming Great Knife and form the remains into small crocodile-shaped pieces. |
| Neo | "There is no spoon." | "But there is a fucking knife."
Epic, Bullet Time fight. |
| Unknown | "I swear, I'm not black, man!" | Chop, smears face with charcoal |
| Unknown | "We come in peace." | "You leave in peices."
Chop |
| Milla Jovovich | "Can you get me some water? or soda if you have it." | Gives soda. Have an epic sword fight, resulting in total pwning of her. Stripped naked, then deep tounge kiss each other while fucking each other senceless, then ties her down, locks her in a house and burns it down. Sheds a little tear at their short but intense relationship. |
| Unknown | "Pyramid head, I am your father." | "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"
Cuts off hand, stabs through chest then slices in half and throws remains into flaming river of molten piss. |
| Yakov Smirnoff | "In Soviet Russia, ugly as fuck is YOU!!" | "Shut up!"
Removes helmet causing instant death. |
| Katz | "All your base are belong to us!" | "What you say?"
Chop |
| Dr. Robotnic | "PINGAS!!!!" | "Its PENIS, Dipshit. I would have excepted PENISH as well."
Tares of penis, causing Robotnic to kill himself because he has lost his perpose in life. |
| An emo. | "Leave me alone!! !" | Duplicate himself, then stare the poor boy to death. |
| Unknown | "Is that a knife or are you just happy to see me?" | Poke in eye with point-ed stick. |
| Hank Williams | "Hey Good-Lookin!" | Hacks manaicaly to death while playing "Die MF Die" On ipod. |
| James | "Have you Seen my Wife?" | Show picture of brutal ass raping. Chop. |
| Samuel L. Jackson | "SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more god-damn time. Know why? Cause I am sick of these MUTHERFUKIN demons, in this MUVERFANKIN town!! YOU GIT?!?!" | "...What."
Brutal ass rape. Chop. More brutal ass rape. |
| Captain Falcon | "FALCON PUNCH!" | "FAILCON DIE!!" Punched so hard in face that his head explodes. |
| Shamil Basayev | "You are a Russian infidel! DIE!!!" | "Yavol."
A$$ torture with a feather to death. |
| Ottacon | "Snake? SNAKE?? SNAAAAKKKKEEEE!!!!!" | "Snake? OH, right!"
Forcefed to a large python. |
| Medic | "Get on ze point dumcoff!" | "Whatever you say."
Brutal A$$ rape. Kills with knife, then plays violin on it as a tribute. |
| King of hyrule | "Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi Mah boi..." | "I'm not your boy!!"
Facepalms into concrete block repeatedly until dead. |
| Rick James | "What did the five fingers say to the face?" | Chop
"Actualy, It's "What did the four fingers and thumb say to the face," but, yeh, I get the point." Stab with Point-ed stick. "And now so do you!" |
| Lil John | "YEAHH!!" | "OKAY!!"
Chop |
| Phoenix Wright | "Objection!" | "Overruled!" chop. |
| Akon | "Konvicted!" | Catapulted him to Chernobyl. |
| Eminem | "Hi there, ugly as 5H17!" | Hacked into meatballs with flaming Great Knife, catapult him to where he catapulted Akon. |
| Britney Spears | "Hiya sexy muthafucka!" | Shaves head, force feeds 40 gallons of beer, let's her fans do the rest. |
| Criss Kroker | "LEAVE BRITNEY ALOOONNEEE!!!!!" | "NO."
Beats to death with Britney's corpse. |
| Ganondorf | "YOU MUST DIE!" | "Get a new punchline dude!"
Throws into hell. |
| Stray Kitten | "...mew..." | Strokes, but his huge muscular hand crushes the kitten, emo cry. |
| Your mom | "OMFG TAHTS HUGE!!!!!!!!!11111111" | "...yep."
Deep thought. Severe assrape. Chop. |
| Nana | "Nana hug?" | "XD WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahahahaaa...no."
Brutal buttsecks. Chop. |
| Soulja Boy | "YOU!!! Open your mask!" | Removes the pyramid, Soulja Boy instantly fill his pant with crap.
He run away, but he got run over by a tank. Chop. |
| Deirdre Barlow | "Oh Mike!" | "Im not Mike."
Death by nicorette. |
| Leonidas | "This is Spartaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" | "No, This is SIILLEENNTTT HIIIIIIIIIIIILL!!!!!!!11"
Kicked in crotch so hard that his balls come flying out his mouth. |
| Vladimir Putin | "I luv Call of Duty 4!!!" | "Great, I like it too!"
Tickled on A$$ with a feather of death, blow his face off with a muzzle loader and then throw an LPG tank at him, and it explodes. Resurrect him using Phoenix Wright's Downer, A$$ rape him with the Great Knife and, finaly, catapult him to Kwaralumpa. |
| Whore | "Thats gonna cost you 50 big ones if you wanna do that..." | Pays up, Death by buttsecks |
| Jesus | "Oh my Dad, not again! | Chop. Crucification, this time Jesus gets a nail thu the dick as well. Butsecks while hanging on cross. |
| Soulja Boy, (he came back for more) | "YOUUUUUU!!!!" | "....Go away!"
Shot to hell. |
| You | "errrrrr...Wait, what...AW CRAP" | Stabbed with point-ed stick in the spine, cauing paralaysis. Dragged from computer desk, stripped naked, tied to a chair and forced to watch Youtube Poop for 3 days straight, folowed by another 3 days of watching tentecal rape porn. Then, while you whimper for mercyful death, have a drill rammed up each nostril while being butt raped. Shot in the back of the head with an AWP just as PH is a cummin into ur anus. |
| Boba Fett | Didn't say anything; used his flamethrower on PH. | PH caught on fire, but then he hugged Boba Fett, causing instant death. |
Know some final words we don't? Know which ones are complete crap? Then help complete our table!
[edit] His life
Sure, we all know Pyramid Head as "that sexy guy with the knife" or "that fucking scary monster with the hot ass", but who really does know who Pyramid Head is? The truth may surprise you. Or not really.
[edit] Birth
Born in 1789, that makes Pyramid Head one old mother fucker. And it's true, his mother died soon after his birth from internal bleeding, but she never blamed him for raping her. She said, at her deathbed in their hometown at Bermuda, he was "destined for great things." After her death, he left the Bermuda Triangle to wander the country aimlessly with internal turmoil.
[edit] The sadness of Pyramid Head
Watch "The Sadness of Pyramid Head" biopic documentary
Pyramid Head found he could never hold any of his part-time work for long, often teased by his co-workers for his ugly complexion and his stupid birthname of "Valtiel", Pyramid Head kept finding himself running and running from the world.
However, one day at the arcade, he was about to beat Space Invaders (yes, it was a long, long time ago) for the umpteenth time when he somehow stumbled across the game's UFO ending. He was beamed up into the fleet's mothership by your typical-looking aliens and was offered the Great Knife and a pyramid helmet! The catch was that once he put it on, he will have to be called by an even stupider name: "Pyramid Head".
Pyramid Head refused, unable to see that the coolness of the getup would overshadow the uncoolness of his name, and asked the aliens to just kindly drop him off at the nearest drug rehab clinic to finally get off whatever was giving him the vision he was currently having.
Yeah so Pyramid head is-WTF is that on his head? How long's that thing been there?
[edit] Love?
After a session at the rehab clinic, Pyramid Head looked across the street and saw a cute girl coming out of the abortion clinic. Being the completely uncool, unrich, un-Great-Knife-wielding guy that he was, there was no way PH could approach her, and so he started stalking her. For reasons unclear, the girl - named Heather - kept dying whilst running about in a town called Silent Hill, and Pyramid Head kept having to resurrect her (for further reasons unclear).
Finally, Pyramid Head could take it no more, and he introduced himself to Heather.
Of course, he got completely rejected.
Unable to bear this, Pyramid Head fell back into his life of old arcade games and PTV drugs.
[edit] Power-up
Obviously, PH got beamed up once more, and this time, he accepted. The Valtiel is now Pyramid Head!!! Armed with this new uber-coolness, and a brithname change to "Xxchillybrandana, Fangasmic Oreo the twenty third," he immediately went back and fucking killed all his co-workers who made fun of him. He also learnt how to play guitar and kicked some ass at various rock concerts.
When heather discovered what had happend, she tried to ask for retrebution, but Pyramid head was too cool for her now, and had allready married Aavril Llavigne. They got rich off a song they wrote which was loosely based off his life, but saddly, Aavril devorced him for reasons unknown. Soon, he decided to finally take a break from the road, and found a proper job at Silent Hill's Boylesque strip club. $30 now gets you a minute, $50 gets you 2. Ouch, I know...
I guess that's what his mother meant by "destined for great things"...
[edit] See Also
Categories: Oscar Wildeizms | Stub | Games | People | Sexy People
