QED

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“I think therefore I am. QED”

~ Descartes on Axioms

“Therefore we must invade Iraq. QDE”

~ George Bush on Diplomacy

“The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything. QED”

~ George Bernard Shaw on George Bernard Shaw

“Well.. If she floats and lives then she's a witch. If she drowns, then she's a duck. So let's throw her in the river. QED”

~ The Middle Ages on Witchcraft

“Nice Weather, isn't it.”

~ Oscar Wilde on QED

QED - The universally recognised way to end any argument. This stems primarily from the fact that scarcely anyone actually knows what it really means. This makes people nervous. And nervous people are far less likely to argue back. In fact, so advanced is the spread of ignorance about the actual meaning of this phrase that it has been suggested that its real meaning has been lost. The true meaning probably lies behind the eternal sofa of the universe, or twisted inside one of these extra dimensions that scientists are continually telling us about.

Contents 1 Origins 2 Possible Meanings 3 Example of Discussion involving QED 4 QED The Book

[edit] Origins

Some scholars believe that the phrase was originally coined accidentally in Act IV Scene XIV of Antony and Cleopatra. When Mark Antony said "Quarter'd the world, and o'er green Neptune's back...". However, Shakespeare's spell check didn't recognise the word "Quarter'd" and suggested QED instead. No-one quite knows why. But it featured in the original play to stunning reviews as none of the critics wanted to appear ignorant. Later, it was cut from the play and replaced with "Quarter'd" once more by poncy arts editors. The Bastards.

It is also theorised by others that it originated in ancient Greece, where it was used by Gr33k-13375p33k3rz as a primitive form of 'PWND N00B' when arguing. It is believed they intentionally did not give it a true meaning so that others would be confused and probably run away in fear from the pure awesomness of it. In fact, some people argue that the use of 'QED' was the true reason for the battle of Troy, where some Greek dude had a fight with a Troyan over which gaming console was the best, which ended with the Greek dude screaming 'QED N00b Fac3!'. The troyan, while not fully understanding the meaning of this, got really angry, and proceeded to start a war with Greece. However, most scholars agree that these people are really stupid, and have been involved in far too much kitten huffing.

[edit] Possible Meanings

• Quod erat dama - Because it was venison
• Qui eum dissaviebatur - Who was kissing him passionately?
• Qui est Deus - Who is this God person anyway? (which just so happens to be the last book in Oolan Connuphid's blockbuster trilogy)

[edit] Example of Discussion involving QED

Dave - But that's madness!! Of course Spain exists!

Ben - But did you see yourself from space when you were in Spain? No! Of course you didn't! That would be mental. So you must therefore concede that you weren't necessarily where you thought you were when you thought you were in Spain. Therefore it doesn't exist. QED.

Dave - Shut up.

[edit] QED The Book

QED is also a book by Professor Richard Feynmann. It is a companion guide to Harry Potter. It explains all of the magic using the power of Quantum Electro-Dynamics. This can reveal how things can be in two places at once, how nothing is absolutely certain, where dragons come from, and why the plot makes no sense.