QWERTY (Bird)
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A qwerty is a small bird, Keibord quertiius, known best for its diminutive stature and plaintive cry of "Qwerty!" Only a handful of these delicious birds are left, for they have been hunted nearly to extinction by several groups of alien predators, namely the Dvorak (Huntenpex divorax) and the AZERTY (Taiping azertie).
[edit] Physiology and evolution
The qwerty is small, round, and rather fuzzy, with two legs, a beak which is anywhere from creamy off-white to black, and smooth, well-proportioned wings. Females generally have darker beaks. They usually live to the age of anywhere from five to ten years; since most become ill with age, they are commonly euthanized.
If you happen to believe in evolution, its extinct ancient predecessor was the Olde Qwerty (Tiepryter quertiius). Fossils suggest that it was much larger and bulkier. Debate continues over how the Olde Qwerty could have survived, much less evolved, due to its slow, stupid nature. Less secular birdologists claim that the Olde Qwerty is a New Age hoax and that the fossil evidence is just chocolate candy. Furthermore, they claim that the qwerty has always existed as it is today, because, as Chief Birdologist of Kansas, Vera Stubbern, has stated, "God told me so". [1]
[edit] Diet
The qwerty's primary prey is the mouse, but they are frequently known to be scavengers. Not all food is healthy for them though; addictions to ramen, Coca Cola and human souls are serious problems.
[edit] Habitat
Once quite abundant in nature, qwerties were difficult to spot, and eluded capture by humans ridiculously easily. Now, however, they are confined to cities and towns, where food is more plentiful. They are painfully simple to catch, usually found trotting down the street. Most become pets, and they enjoy finger massages, especially down the back. They are popular at pet shops, where they are sold with toys, usually bright picture screens. Pet qwerties are content just to watch the picture screen all day, and some owners report similar feelings themselves.
[edit] Courtship and mating
The sole courtship ritual of the qwerty is the attempt on the part of the male to bring a mouse to the female. Studies show that females prefer mice that are well-shaped and lacking tails; this often moves the male to bite the rodent's tail clean off.
Although filming and photographs of qwerty mating is prohibited by international law, experts in the lucrative field of qwertology believe that it is "sufficiently erotic". [2]
[edit] References
- Fortyme, Alan B. "Birds of the order Keistrocus." Good Cookin' Monthly. June, 2007.
- Leeberd, Earl. Qwerties: The Best Thing Since Battletoads!. Bull Lock Press: Seattle, 1922.
[edit] Qwerty in music
Qwerty Is also the name of a piano key layout, sometimes called "traditional" or "normal". The historical ties between the bird and the musical instrument are still somewhat unclear, but there has to be a logical explanation... right? Some theories are that the inventor of the piano enjoyed all aspects of the qwerties and kept some as pets, or that any two keys on the piano played in succession will sound similar to the haunting call of the wild qwerty.
