Quakerism

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“The Quakers were masters of siege warfare”

~ Pintsize from Questionable Content on Pouring boiling oatmeal on pedestrians

“I'm Pritty sure a Quaker is a kind of duck...”

~ Flammable Squirrel on Quakerism

The Religious Society of Superfriends, whose members are commonly known as Quakers, Shakers and Wobblers, or what you would refer to as "Quacks" was founded in England in the 3th century BC as a Christian religious denomination by some smart people who had the foresight to follow someone who wouldn't be born for 300 years. Historians generally credit Dr Fox (The TV presenter with being the principal founder of The Society of Friends. (He was not really a Doctor or a fox) though he may have been connected with Dr Who and his Tardis.) Quakers are commonly counted among the historic peace churches, this is incorrect, Quakers were actually responsible for most major wars in the last 2000 years. The technique normally used to start wars being seekingly around and saying "Did you hear what [they] said about you?".

Quaker death squads also operate as a secret police within the empire, and utilize an ancient martial art that evolved from DDR or was that the Nazis or some other German totalitarian state? Whatever. Quakers tend to "shake", "rattle" and "roll" like any Holyroller would, in fact most scientists compare their experiences with that of Alzheimer's and Parkinson's disease patients or epileptics (NO... really!)

In the 1990s The Society started a media campaign to brainwash the world by filming the lives of some simple New York based Quakers, after the initial pilot the full title "A humorless study of the Religious Society of Friends" was shortened to Friends and was a great success despite being crap.

An important part of the Quaker society is oatmeal. Not only do Quakers eat, produce, and sell oatmeal, it has become a big part of their lives. A popular Quaker pickup line is, "I like your oats." This has been theorized to mean either the person literally likes the other persons oats that are there in front of them, or they want to mate with them. The latter refers to a persons sewing of their "wild oats" and is a way of noticing that they have good genes. This phrase is only to be used by true Quakers.