Queen (band)
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|---|---|
| Queen | |
| From | 1957 to 2??? |
| Genre(s) | Death Metal |
| Members | Paul Rodgers, Brian May, Roger Taylor, and Bassist guy. |
| Notable Single(s) | None |
| Notable Album(s) | None, they rove around the countreyside wooing rednecks, brits, and terrorists. |
| Awards | Best Gay Entertainment, Largest Amount of time without a shirt on, Most Chest Hair Ever on a Single Man |
| Record Label | "Schwing!" |
“My teeth are fiiiine!”
~ Freddie Mercury on not having dental issues
“Queen? Why would i listen to gay fucking music?! I'm not gay”
~ Guaranteed Eternal Sanctuary Man about listening to Queen
“QUEEN?! What fucking queen?! I AM QUEEN!”
~ Roger Waters on Queen
“The lead singer is gay”
~ Captain Obvious on Queen
“It's not the same now, we're out of gays”
~ Queen on going back on tour
“Our greatest weapon of world domination... except for The Beatles”
~ The Queen on why queen is important for England
Queen, formed in 1957 by friends Freddie Mercury for vocals and piano, Brian May on the Kazoo, and Roger Taylor on the bongodrums and dinner plate orchestra. Later on, they recruited some guy who played bass guitar. They produced many hit albums, and wrote numerous hit songs like "Another One Rides The Bus", "We Will Suck You", the French-language hit "Nous Sommes Les Champignons (We Are The Mushrooms)", and their most famous work, a complex multi-layered track named "Barbarian Rambling".
Contents |
[edit] Early Years
Queen, was formed in 1957 by four friends, Freddie Mercury, Roger Taylor, Brian May and some guy who played bass guitar. They started off as a boy band regularly performing at thier local Wal-mart, where Brian may was working as a janitor. They made zero money and Freddie had to start selling drugs around the corner at Mcdonalds. The band soon had enough money saved up to buy an old Ford wagon to use while touring. They played their first real gigs at a random tavern and soon became household names.
[edit] The first singles.... and other stuff... gay stuff
After 5 weeks performing at the tavern, drumemrboy Roger Taylor decided to drink an entire bottle of malt whisky. The rest of the band did not approve this fully, but they have all agreed that it was great fun to watch. He got to about half the bottle left, then he started to fondle the younger me in the tavern and stealing thier pants. Freddie got angry and tried to stop him, but this ended in him getting fondled as well. That night, Freddie felt something he had never felt before: True Love. Getting a adrenalin rush from the cock grabbing move from Roger, he jumped on hid back and pulled down his pants. The rest, most people will understand. Luckily, no one saw Freddies little "act" as everyone had already fallen asleep. Wait, what about the first singles? Yeah i was just coming to that. Freddie wrote a song about his magic night, entitled "Seven Hours of Rhyme". It became the bands first hit single, reaching 45;67 on the Very Hot Billboard Top 700. This encouraged every other member to write shit, Including gaggot bassist What the fuck was his name again?
[edit] The Quest For More Money
[edit] The First Record
While thier first singles gave a steady income, leading to more exciting drinking nights at the tavern, most had to be used to fight of the local Racoon infestation. According to the famous story, Guitarist Brian May lost his left foot during one of these battles, and he never found it again. That is why he is constantly refered as the "Pirate Guitar Guy" The band soon realised what the had to do, Leave the tavern, and go on tour. The next day, Roger, Freddie, Brian and bassist man said goodbye to one eyed Johnny and his seven children. They made a great lost that night, as Johnny was also thier manager and producer of thier first 5 singles. They toured almost all clubs and taverns of northern england and ireland, but nothing felt like Johnnys half eaten trailer. Drummer Roger Taylor, after a night of heavy drinking, tried to kill himself with a rust pickaxe, that is how much he missed it... and cupcakes... which the local grocery shop was out of. Still, the tour was succésful and they managed to get enough money to buy a childrens tape recorder and hire a flat in west liverpool. During 5 days, the band worked on thier first album, the geniously titled "Queen". Yeah, "Queen" thats it. The album was relatively succésful and the band could now afford a recorder with 2 microfones and longer battery time.
[edit] Queen numbah too
In 1959, the band released thier second album, "Queen Numbah Too!!" It wasn't very succésful and Brian May started to lose hope in the band. But Freddie "gaywad" Mercury had big plans. He fixed up a new style for the band, they would from now on dress as homosexuals on stage. The rest of the band was very suspicious at this first, but decided to go along with it, since they were in really fucking desperate need of money! Thier new look was suprisingly succésful, and soon Queen was booked for almost every gay pride celebration and gay wedding in England. Über straight virituso Kazooist Brain May felt very uncomfortable with it, but hey! He was a greedy son of a bitch. Queen now had a steady income and started to record in a real studio rather than in basements and at the local burger king.
[edit] Queer Tart Attack
Thier next album sold even more than thier first album and rocketed the band into stardom. Many people doesn't know this, but "Queer Tart Attack" is actually a concept album. It is the story of a night after a sweaty gig, when singer Freddie Mercury was attacked and violently raped by a gay fan. Luckily he survived and has even in recent interviews stated that he actually thought it was quite nice. "I was shocked, of course, But let's just say i didn't fight back" - Freddie Mercury.
[edit] International Succéss
[edit] A Night At The Races
Now having a really big income, Queen started to tour constantly. When not playing, they recored new songs in thier travelling studio, which was disguised as a giant penis (Roger was the only one who thought is was funny, the rest of the band felt rather embarassed sitting in a penis) All thier recordings were hastly thrown together on an album, "A Night At The Races" and released the next day. Even though the quality was shit, the album went number 1 in almost every country. Except in Italy, They found it offending to race at night. The albums most famous song is "Gettho boy and the real man rhapsody" It had a awesome guitar solo, great lyrics and a fucked up opera piece in the middle. Pure magic.
[edit] A Day At The Opera
Queen didn't care so much about making albums by now, as they were practically bigger than Jesus. They got enough from touring and stealing from old ladys on the street. But of course, someone was stupid enough to waste it all on an pacific island recording studio and a 40 % share in Costco. Freddie was never forgiven, now they had to record a new album! So they just re-recorded to old album in better quality. It was also a succéss, Strangely enough. By now, everyone wanted Freddie out of the band, they were tired of acting gay all the time. But they made a deal with him, from now on, he was only gay one.
[edit] Destruction Of The World
Another cheaply thrown together album, made only because they had too much material in the "penis" and had to do something creative with it. The albums title is refering to what happened if the album was played loudly backwards, sped up x30. Still, no one ever tried this, not even to try to take control of the world.
[edit] International Failure
[edit] Blues
In 1964, the band was frankly quite tired og touring the same gay pop music over and over again. So they made a blues record! (Yeah, It was Freddies idea) The album failed and tossed Queen out of the charts. Not a single person showed up for thier gigs and thier earlier albums were ignored. As you all would understand, Everyone in the band wanted Freddie dead, But to save his skin he announced that the band was on hiatus.
[edit] The Gayme
In 1972, the band still didn't talk to each other, and Freddie MErcury had persued a solo careér. Guitarist Brain May was broke, and lived together with drummer Roger Taylor and the bassist in a small flat in western london. Freddie didn't make much money either, no one really liked him after "Blues". After a meeting at the local Wal-mart, Freddie agreed to do the vocals on Brians upcoming solo effort "Me playing guitar + guest artists". Freddie sung on 10 of the albums 12 tracks. The last two were sun by grand nazi Bob Geldof. Freddie enjoyed recording with his old friend, but he continued to focus on his solo careér. But what he didn't know was that Brian and the rest of Queen was screwing him over, as they released the album under the name "Queen" They also did a reunion tour with William Shatner as the new lead singer. This succésful tour led to Queen recording the soundtrack to the movie "Crack Stardom". It was co-written by Pink Floyds Nick Mason.
[edit] Rotten Space
As you would suspect, Freddie was rather pissed off. So pissed that he sneaked into thier touringbus and strangled William Shatner with his mustasch. He then filed a lawsuit against Brian , Roger and bass guy for screwing him over and stealing his vocals. Though, he never ended up sueing the band, as they threatened to tell the police about his muder on Shatner. He wanted revenge, and released his next solo album, Rotten Space, under the name Queen. As both "The Gayme" and "Rotten Space" were succésful albums, no one really won that battle.
[edit] Reunion
[edit] The Dorks
After many grim fueds between the band and Freddie, they met together for lunch to discuss the thing. They wanted Freddie back, cause the only other singer thay had was Geldof (and he's a good singer, right?) Fred agreed to join the band again, but on one condition! That he could have as many young men in his room as he wanted without anyone asking. Brian said "Why would we ask about that? Having 6 15 year old boys un your bed is perfectly normal" So Freddie joined the band again and thy recorded thier new album, "The Dorks". The albums title was suggested by Roger Taylor, because he thought it represented the bands mental state at the time (and he was 100 % right) They also set out on "The True Reunion Tour" and made millions of pennys.
[edit] I'm kinda alergic
Now having money again, they could afford to rent movies. The first one they rented was called Highlander. They liked it but thought it had a serious lack of gayness, so they called the director if they could contribute with a soundtrack. 3 weeks later the movie was re-released with Queen music, it was now even worse. The soundtrack was also released as thier next album, which didn'y do very well on the charts. They also scored the movies Die Hard, Braveheart, Back to the future and Led Zeppelins The song remains the same.
[edit] Miracle, The
Queens touring was very succésful, and so was thier albums, but Freddie needed something else. He strated to snort crack and live a lively life on the streets. Brian and the other members of the circus were worried, as they had heard what happened to gay people if they get high and go to Elton Johns private partys. So, they recorded thier next album "The Miracle" (When released, it was mislabeled "Miracle, The") with Freddie more or less around in the studio. It was released and was a huge commercial failure, maybe because it lacked almost any Freddie and had banjo instead of kazoo
[edit] Jive Aid
Freddie had hangover practically every day, so there wasn't much time in the studio, and when Freddie was feeling good the band dragged him out on tour. But one day, they got a big offer from former bandmember Bob Geldof. He wanted Queen to perform at his living room stadium concert, called Jive Aid. It was mostly jive music, so Queen did a 3 hour set of thier old classics in jive style. The crowd loved it and so did all the critics, and Queen suddeny made money again. It inspired Mercury to write an entire jive based album, Sexual innuendo.
[edit] Last years with Freddie
[edit] Sexual Innuendo
The album was greeted well by both fans and critics and the band was now doing thier biggest tour ever. The made 30 billion dollars each night ans was now the richest arseholes in the world. Everyone was happy, except Freddie, who was bearing on an awful secret. 2 days after the tour, the band found out that Dred had AIDS and was going to die within the next 4 weeks. Brian May was devestated, not only was he loosing his best friend, he had to find a new singer! On june 7th, 1991, Freddie Mercury died a violent death, as he had a heartattack, stroke, and was runned over by a snowmobile 2 seconds before he died of hid disease. Brian, Roger and John (He actually has a name) moved on with the band and started to look for a new gay member to join the band. There is though a rumor that Freddie is alive, and is the lead singer for the band Megadeth.
[edit] Queen: The Next Generation
Shortly after Freddies death, Queen recorded a new album (Yeah, talk about disgraceful assholes) "Made in Taiwan" which consisted of old recordings left over from the "Miracle" sessions, and a new epic 35 minute version of "Bicycle Race" There were no lead singer, as they hired a new random guy from the street fro every song. It was a stupid idead, but the album went number 1 everywhere, except for Italy, they were still upset over "A Night At The Races". The band also learned that Freddie didn't actually have AIDS, it was only a strange case of flu that could be easily cured and that it was the snowmobile that killed him. But no one really cared.
[edit] Rock The Cosmos
Now recruting singer Paul Rodgers, they can finally make some money. Not much is known about this album, only that it will be 5 discs long and tell the life of bassist John Deacon who left the band and is very missed. "I miss that guy so much, he is the only person that made the band shine...What... Freddie Mercury? Who?" - Roger Taylor
[edit] Fun Facts
- Queens original name was King, but Freddie changed it for reasons unknown
- Jimmy Page was a session musician for the album "A Night At The Races". It is a rumor that he played guitar on every album and that Brian May couldn't play at all
- On every album, there is at least 10 minutes of total silence, to build up tension
- Roger Taylor has been protecting his arse ever since the incident with Freddie back in 1958, and he is often seen walking around with two large black guys walking close behind him
- Queen was played thier first gig in Rogers basement, to his parents and stuffed animals
- When not recording, writing touring or just hanging out, the members have normal lifes (O.o)
