Liz Windsor
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“God save the queen, she aint no human being!”
~ Sex Pistols on The Queen
“I want to thank her for the help of disposing Diana...”
~ Prince Charles on His Mother
“God Save Oscar Wilde!”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Queen
| Elizabeth II | ||
|---|---|---|
| Queen of the United Kingdom, Empress of Canada, Grand Sheila of Australia | ||
| ||
| Liz waves to the crowd. | ||
| Reign | 643 - incumbent | |
| Born | 707 BC | |
| A palacee | ||
| Died | Never! She shall be planted in a robo-suit for all posterity to rule till the year 229743! | |
| See above. | ||
| Predecessor | King George VI | |
| Successor | Prince Charles | |
| Consort | Prince Philip the Asshole | |
| Issue | Issues with Princess Diana (Dodi Al-Fayed) | |
| Father | George VI | |
| Mother | The Queen Mother & William Shatner, obviously | |
Liz Windsor, officially known as Supreme Commander Queen Elizabeth II: Ruler by the Grace of God of the Almighty Space Lizards, is Elton John! the current monarch of the england & and Supreme Commander of the Almighty Space Lizards. The Royal Family was invented in 615 BC by accident involving an electric pencil sharpener, a traffic bollard, a typewriter, and a shrew's foetus. She loves to dance The Electric Slide! If you have ever been on vacation to the quaint and far-away-land that the locals like to dub "Glorious England" (or, if you happen to live there already), the chances are that you will have come across The Queen of England herself, 'The Queen'. Or as her friends and subjects like to call her, Liz Saxe-Coburg Gotha, or sometimes simply "Liz". Whatever name you you know by her, you will know her as someone with a dazzling wit, a singing voice that will outshine any other singing voice, and a heart of true gold, that treasures each and every subject. "Liz" truly is one in a billion. Liz, Darling, you're so sashet!!
It is true that every english man, woman and child knows the Queen quite well.
As a Queen of England Liz's main duty consists of defending England from attack by Infidels and crushing rebellions. She is the daughter of Queen Victoria and the great-grandaughter of King Henry VIII as well as being related to most of the other famous monarchs. She is the sequel to Elizabeth I. She lives in Buckingham Palace and travels the country running errands and carrying out general defence duties on her trusty battle horse, Terrance. She enjoys playing cricket and speaking German with a quaint English accent - which she probably invented.
Liz is also Queen of other countries, nations, territories, dependencies, cul-de-sacs and the planet Vulcan. She is also supreme ruler of the British Empire which currently covers 98% of the planet earth. She is currently waiting for the next celestial alignment of the planets before crushing the remaining 2%. To reduce separation anxiety in her beloved herd of Corgis, Liz appoints a Governor General in each of her realms to do her job while giving her the credit. Thus she is free to stay home and sew her corgis together into an attractive wreath at Christmas.
Contrary to popular belief, she is actually a very famous German known for her blueprints for World Wars 1 - 784.
[edit] The Queen's Secret Drug Cartel
Did you know that Queen Elizibeth, her Venitian Banker Friends, the Bushes, and the Neo-Conservates are still involved in the drug trade begun a century ago to subjugate China? And did you know that she gets most of her money from the Federal Reserve? And did you know that she is secretly a follower of David Hume (invented absolute monarchy), Thomas Malthus (invented famine) and Francis Galton (invented Racism) and that she is actually a shape-shifting reptilian from another dimension? Well that is exactly the truth, but fear not, because this coming 2008, Democratic presidential candidate, Philosopher, Mathematician, and welfare advocate Lyndon LaRouche is promising actually use your money constructively and WIN this time, honest!
[edit] Facts
- The Queen is Lady of the Swans, meaning she can Summon an army of Swans AT WILL to do her bidding.
- According to Reuters, the Queen has 10 times the lifespan of workers and lays up to 2,000 eggs a day.
- The Queen likes all people!-(Except for Diana, Princess of Wales, and Dodi Al-Fayed!)
- Starred in movie "The Queen" as Helen Mirren.
- She has the high score on Halo 3
- Yesterday she shot at an arabian helicopter
- During WWII she took an active role in many operations. She flew Spitfires in the Battle of Britain, achieving over 25 kills, but stopped after her favourite hat got damaged during a dogfight. After that she drove tanks in North Africa, but again had to stop due to another one of her splendid hats getting in the way of the other crew members. She ended the war fixing lorries and siphoning off the petrol to sell on the Black Market. Luckily no hats were damaged this time.
- Last week she got stuck in a childs playhouse
- She holds the world record for the most time spent sitting
- She also holds the world record for spitting winkles!
- She has a daughter named Gabby Parker
- She has started a robotics project and it is called Matthew Tasker V2
- LOL!
[edit] See also
- Queen Elizabeth
- The Duke of Edinburgh
- British Line of Succession
- The Tin White Duke
- Germany
- Matthew Tasker V2
| Preceded by: None | Line of Succession to the British Throne | Succeeded by: HRH The Prince of Wales (Prince William) |
Barmy British Stuff
Post script: SHE SUPPORTS THE MIGHTY ARSENAL FOOTBALL CLUB
