Quentin Tarantino
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“I don't know about that guy. He just doesn't get it. Not once.”
~ Gnarls Barkley
The son of Kelsey Grammer and Robin Williams. Quentin "Fucking" Tarantino is a fucking film director, alright? He's probably most fucking famous for being a lame-ass that appears in every single one of his own movies, including Reservoir Dogs (as Mr. Virgin), Pulp Fiction (as the guy with the dead niggah storage), Jackie Brown (as Jackie Browns' brother, Brown Jackie, a downtown hustler who will mess you up) and Kill Bill (as Pai Mei). Tarantino first got his big break when Rodman Rodriguez asked him to co-direct Sin City. Because he still sucked, his shots was cut down to 5 minutes and released separately as "300". He also did that one fuckin' movie with a fuckload of homages to some old fuckin' movies, and motherfuckin Death Proof, alright?! Now sit down, shut the fuck up, and read the fuckin article before I execute every motherfuckin last one of you!
Quentin Tarantino
Starring:
Samuel L. Jackson
Quentin Tarantino
Uma Thurman
and Quentin Tarantino
Written by Quentin Tarantino and Roger AvaryContents |
[edit] Chapter Fucking One: Death
Tarantino was fucking killed when he was fucking set up by his fucking nigger of a partner when it fucking turned out he was really a fucking cop, alright? The fucker performed the five-point-palm-exploding-heart technique on him, and plucked out his fucking eyeball. Basically proving that Tarantino's a fucking douchebag, straight-up, with a side of shit.
[edit] Chapter Fucking Six: The Drop Off (For Real this Time)
...learned that his anus and balls were being sold for abusive butthole pleasures, and that the fucking suitcase with his scripts had been fucking stolen. So did you know what the fucker did after that? I said, "DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE FUCKER DID AFTER THAT?" What country you from? What ain't no country I ever heard of! Do they speak English in What? ENGLISH MOTHERFUCKER! DO YOU SPEAK IT! So where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, so any fucking way, there were some fucking closeups of bare fucking feet... lovely bare fucking feet... with such perfectly round fucking toes... A-a-anyway, he fucking needed to find the niggers responsible for doing this, so he blackmailed Samuel L. Fucking Jackson and John fucking Travolta to get the fucking suitcase, and they sat in the fucking car talking about fuckin' "Casino-Royale-Avec-Frommage", alright? So anyway, they went to go find the fuckers who did this to him. It turned out is was a group of some fuckers named Blond and White, and Orange and that kind of fucking stuff. (Contrary to unpopular belief, not Mr. Pink, but Mr. Rainbow was the gay one) So anyway, their fucking leader was a gun runner, who was partners with some fucking bank robbers/vampire hunters. Then there were more bare feet... Lovely, dirty bare fucking feet... W-w-with lots of fucking toe rings... So any way, the fuckers all met up in Cloud fucking city to fight Darth Vader's balls in a jar! So they all go to Cloud City, and find out that Beavis and Butthead have stolen the Ark of the Covenant from James Bond, and were hiding deep in the heart of the batcave, with the Terminator as a bodyguard! (Hey! I can use fucking elements from other movies! It's not a ripoff, it's an homage!) So anyway, it ends with a fucking Mexican standoff with samurai swords, guns, and ass rapings and everybody fucking dies, alright?
[edit] Chapter Fucking Two: Massacre during Tarantino's Career
Alright, so Tarantino's first fucking film, called My Boyfriend's Birthday, or something to that fucking extent was burned down when the fucking warehouse it was stored in caught on fire. So anyway, later, he got together with some fucking niggers, alright, and began to write his first fucking film Reservoir Dogs, about some dumb fuckers who try to rob a bank and all die at the ending, alright? So then, he went off to fucking Amsterdam or some place like that, and the fucker got baked. You know that hash is legal in Amsterdam? (But you can't just walk into a bar, roll, stuff up and smoke away) So anyway, when he was in fucking Amsterdam, some niggers ambushed him, and left him for dead. He was in a fucking coma for 4 years, and when he woke up, he...
[edit] Chapter Fucking Eighty nine: The Tarantino Situation
Quentin fucking Tarantino was born a long fucking time ago in fucking Knoxville, Tennessee, Brussels and your backyard.. Do you know what the fuck they call a quarter pounder in Knoxville? I don't fucking care. So anyway, he fucking met Madonna, and she sucked a lot of fucking dicks. I mean, it was like fuckin' dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick dick, left and right. So the fucking whore starts to O.D. on heroin, and he has to stick fucking adrenaline in her fucking heart to survive. So they go to stay in this fucked up hotel room, and call this fucking Australian bellhop named Ted to his room. So he's there with fuckin' Madonna, Bruce Willis, and Samuel L. Jackson, and he makes some fucking bet with the little nigger about lighting a cigarette lighter ten fucking times and chopping off a fucking finger. So then...
[edit] Chapter Fucking Five: Filmography
[edit] Fucking Director & Fucking Screenplay
- It's A Wonderful Life: Alternate Killing Spree Ending (1946)
- World War I (1984)
- Mary Poppins (1987)
- My Best Friend's Wedding (1987)
- Revoir Dogs (1992)
- Reservoir Dogs (1992)
- Reservoir Bitches (1992)
- "Killing Dogs" (1993)
- Papier Mache Fiction (1994)
- The Wizard of Oz (1994)
- Four and a half Rooms (segment "The Man from Vinewood" now destroyed apart from one frame) (1995) (directed in sleep)
- Sugar Punch Brown (1997) (filmed in six hours)
- The Birth of Eli Roth (2002))
- Ensure That Bill No Longer Lives (Vol. 1 2003, Vol. 2 2004)
- CLSB: Childish Life of Sawney Bean (2005) (Guest Writer and Director)
- Inglorious Brownies (2006) - not yet released.
- Sesame Street Characters Play Hopscotch (2006)
- Anal Foot Inserting' 5 (2006)
- Dr. Tran Doles Out The Harshness (2006)
- Terminator 4: How To Talk To A Mormon Child (2006)
- House Grind (available at Starbucks, 2007)
- Star Wars: Episode VII - The Quest for More Money (????)
- New Chinese Movie That I Didn't Really Have Anything To Do With.
[edit] Fucking Screenplay
- Oil Rig Cats (1991)
- False Romance (1993)
- Natural Bjorn Kickers (1994) (written with a Norwegian in Norwegian, directed by a Swede)
- Win a Date with Tad Hamilton (2003)
- That Weird Vampire Movie with George Clooney (1996)
- FOX News (2025)
[edit] Chapter Fucking Six: The Penthouse
...Bruce Willis loses a finger, but saves Ving Rhames from getting raped while Christopher Walken gives him some fucking watch, alright? We should go. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that would be a good idea.
