R2D2
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Contents |
[edit] Origin
The origins of R2-D2 are not precisely known, but the accepted theory is that he is the bastard son of the Jetsons' household robot, Rosie, and the Archangel Megatron following a huge orgy[[.]] Megatron's paternity was confirmed on an episode of Maury when, he Starscream, and the autobots Bumblebee and Optimus Prime were tested. "Megatron, you ARE the father!"
[edit] Childhood
Though R2-D2 was born a toffee machine, he struggled with his application-orientation during his puberty. He finally underwent trans-application surgery on Nabits and served as a cyborg-portable wang wang to Queen AmiPREGNANT. This explains his height and the reason why he is packed with all sorts of tool-tipped appendages. Unfortunately he would get all chirpy and stuff and totally ruin the moment. He was banned from the planet and put on the first flight out. He spent a few years roaming the galaxy until he met a gay droid named C-3PO. C-3PO introduced R2-D2 to the pleasures of Uranus and they've been inseparable ever since. R2-D2 being the man of the house, he needed to get his ass a job and found himself drawn towards the porn industry of Hollywood. He accepted an offer from George Lucas to star in Star Wars IV as a futuristic coffee machine on the starship Millennium Falcon. His ability to sneak out on to the set when people weren't looking led to him being in almost every part of the movie and it's sequels and prequels.
[edit] Filmography
- Star Wars I: "The Phantom Grimace".
- R2-D2 plays a cyborg-mask for Queen Amidala.
- Star Wars II: "Attack of the Clowns".
- R2-D2 meets his gay life-partner C-3PO.
- Star Wars III: "Revenge of Agent Smith".
- R2-D2 learns there's more to life then making coffee and satisfying intergalactic royaly.
- Star Wars IV: "A New Pope".
- R2-D2 goes on a walk-about on the planet Tatooine.
- Star Wars V: "The Emperor Smokes Crack".
- R2-D2 tries to stop Luke Skywalker from getting his hand cut off by his father Darth Feta.
- Star Wars VI: "Return of the Nazis".
- R2-D2 discovers the secret to Life, the Universe and Everything but sadly forgets when he gets a high-voltage shock up his butt from some blast doors he has to open to help the rebels enter an imperial base.
- Star Wars IX: "A New Hope For The Return of the Phantom Sith's Revenge After The Empire Strikes Back In The Attack Of The Clowns".
- R2-D2 meets his father Megatron and comes to terms with his life before dying at the hands of Princess Leia.
[edit] Death
R2-D2 dies a heroic death in battle together with Han Solo at the hands of Princess Leia in the movie Star Wars IX. Here's what happens:
Han: U R C-3PO.R2: I M R2Han: R2!R2: Am not!Han: R2!R2: Am not!Han: R2!R2: Am not!Han: R2!R2: Am not!Leia: Stop it U 2!Han: R2!R2: Am not!Han: R2!R2: Am not!Han: R2!R2: Am not!Han: R2!R2: Am not!Leia: Don't make me reach back there!!
(Silence)
Han: R2!R2: Am not!Leia: That's it!!
(Lot's of cool lightsaber sounds, R2-D2 chirps and Han screams)
Luke: Hey! Nice going Leia... How am I going to get a cup of coffee now?
(Some believe this was not the end for R2-D2, see also The Grand Mysterious R2-D2 Recolor).
[edit] Fun facts about R2-D2
- R2-D2 is actually a dalek experiment gone wrong
- R2-D2's English teacher was actually Steven Hawkins
- R2-D2's native language is BIOS POST Error codes.
- R2-D2 is not related to Irish pop-band U2
- R2-D2 enjoys random screaming.
- R2-D2 runs on Macintosh.
- R2-D2 was the stunt double for Johnny Five in the movie "Short Circuit".
- R2-D2 == 0 for all R,D ∈ N ∧ ( R == D ∨ R == -D )
- R2-D2 once had an affair with Al Sharpton and Speed Racer's car.
- R2-D2 was once asked to play the role of Obi Wan in Episode I but refused after a fight with Darth Maul and had his Jedi powers removed in a horrible car crash.
[edit] Quotes
Quotes taken from Star Wars I: "The Phantom Mentos":
"Beep, beep... beep?""Beep, BEEEEEEP!! beeeeeeeep..."
Quotes taken from Star Wars IV: "A New Pope":
"Beeeeeeeep, beep.""BeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEP!!!"
Quotes taken from Star Wars V: "The Umpire Strikes Back":
"Sorry, Leia. You know I get all exited when you wear that bikini and those chains around your neck."
Quotes taken from Bill Cosby
"Someone who finally speaks my language... Bee-boop Beepity Boop, Beep Beep Bop Boop!"
In response, R2-D2 had the following to say " What the hell did he say?"
"This is an "A" and "B" conversation, so you can shut the fuck up."
