RAM

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“Brother, can you spare a DIMM?”

~ Jay Gorney on RAM

“Danny, I think theres a hacker in the RAM.”

~ Dan's Dad on RAM

“You have a gift for creating beautiful things.”

~ Chinese Zodiac on RAM

RAM, or random access memoir, is how computer manufacturers get you to to keep coming back to the shop for repairs. Although RAM is supposed to serve as your computer's short-term memory, in practice it rams into your computer's processing power (hence the abbreviation RAM). Your computer randomly accesses software and eventually causes all sorts of errors due to over-stimulation from poorly labeled pornography. Ignorance of this fact is the primary reason why new users of computers can not operate them competently.

Contents 1 Types of RAM 2 Replacing RAM 3 In Film 4 See also

[edit] Types of RAM

There are two basic types of RAM - Static RAM which is static, meaning it can't be read from or written to, and Dynamic RAM which isn't really memory as it needs to be reminded of its contents every clock cycle. Neither type is actually useful, which is why one must print everything out and pile it on one's desktop.

• Fast Page Mode RAM (FPM RAM) - RAM that has been taught to read really quickly.
• Direct RAM (DRAM) - RAM that goes directly to random objects.
• Synchronous Direct RAM (SDRAM) - Same as above, but goes faster.
• Extended Data Out Dynamic RAM (EDORAM) - Looks for the next error while your current one is happening.
• Burst EDO DRAM (BEDORAM) - Same as above, but can cause 4 errors at once; designed for Windows 98.
• EMO RAM - Same as above, but stores errors in bulk, causing your computer superficial depression and wrist lacerations. (Installing this RAM causes your computer to grow arms).
• Error Correcting RAM (ECC) - This is a legendary kind of RAM that is only a rumour. It doesn't actually exist. And if it did, it would be extremely expensive and would win the Nobel Price.
• Rambus DRAM (RDRAM) - Very expensive RAM that is specially designed to give you more errors when you need them the least.
• Dance Dance Revolution Deutsche Demokratische Republik SDRAM (DDR SDRAM) - The cheaper version of RDRAM so that everybody can enjoy faster errors.
• Dance Dance Revolution 2ndMIX Deutsche Demokratische Republik II SDRAM (DDR2 SDRAM) - Sequel to the above, it's even faster and can actually slow down the computer when it's least convenient.
• Dance Dance Revolution 3rdMIX Deutsche Demokratische Republik III SDRAM (DDR3 SDRAM) - Rumor has it that DDR3 SDRAM is so fast that use of it actually causes you to travel back in time, working all of its magic while sucking less power than DDR2.

[edit] Replacing RAM

Contrary to popular belief, there is absolutely nothing random about replacing RAM. It is a universal procedure that will work for any computer of any year and make (i.e., Pentium, CRAY, Danger Will Robinson Danger). Simply follow these unambiguous guidelines:

1. Open your computer case and locate the 172-pin DIMM socket near the processor on your mainboard.
2. Fail miserably.
3. Bring your computer to a licensed PC repair shop, such as "PlayHouse XXX" or "Rixxx's".
4. Politely ask the store clerk if he can RAM you (RAM can be employed as a verb - this is common computer technician slang, often used amongst themselves).
5. If the clerk asks you how you usually turn on (as in your machine), simply lean over your machine to show him. If he asks about your drive (which usually refers to you having backed up your hard disk), tell him that you already took care of it and you're ready.
6. Enjoy your new RAM.

[edit] In Film

On the 22nd February, 2008, the fourth film in the Rambo series, RAMbo, was released. The story follows Rambo as he attempts to rescue 900 billion dollars worth of RAM from evil, sociopathic, sardonic Russian mercenaries, and return the RAM to its rightful owner, Microsoft.

[edit] See also

• Memory
• ROM
• Hard drive
• Sheep
• Goat
• Dodge Ram

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