RIT

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“I'm a proud graduate of the Rochester Institute of Internet!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Internets

“RIT's brilliant professors advised that I cut my hair.”

~ Britney Spears on hair

“There are way too many bears, why are there so many bears!? The brochure said there'd only be a few bears!”

~ Don Knotts

“HONK HONK! HONKHONK, HONK HONK HONK!”

~ Amputee Sign Language on saying "I want 2 lbs of chicken on my sub."

A Typical Bearchester Inhabitant

Beautiful and always-sunny RIT (Rochester/Bearchester Institute of Technology) is well-known for high bear populations. The school often appears to be deserted, as all of its students are inside, playing World of Warcraft. There is an underground tunnel system for the inhabitants to avoid the surface world, with its evil and oppressive sun overlord.

[edit] History

RIT was originally founded in 1305, by William Wallace. It was located in the middle of Rochester, Ireland, until it was relocated to Bearchester, NY. Recently, however, as a result of eminent domain, the school needed to be moved to a nearby area. The architect had recently watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail and decided that a swamp would be the best place. So ignoring popular opinion, he built it on top of a swamp. That college fell over and sank into the swamp, so he built another. That one burned down, fell over and then sank into the swamp. So he built another, and that’s the one that stands today. Most experts agree that the college will sink within several weeks of this writing.

[edit] Layout

This institution has been designed as a series of wind tunnels, so as to provide a gentle breeze throughout summer, and a face-peeling gust throughout the other three seasons. Although there is a tunnel network underground, it does not unite both sides of campus. There is instead an above-ground “Quarter-Mile” that goes between the two. However, because it is designed to be a moving platform, it always moves in the opposite direction slowly. As a result, it causes the Quarter-Mile to actually be one Bear-Mile, or three regular miles. In addition, looking up is seen as defiant hubris, as well painful, for doing so often creates blinding from the glare off of the snow, or razor wind. Beside that, if one happens to be happy for any reason, smiling is frowned upon on the Quarter-Mile, and frowning on somebody smiling is smiled upon, this etiquette is currently being studied by the professors at the college who majored in "smiley and frownie faces 101"

Originally, the wind tunnels were not nearly as prevalent as they are today. However, as a joint effort between NASA and RIT, the entire campus was turned ninety degrees clockwise. In doing so, they created the infamous wind tunnels, thus increasing heating bills and super-wind-resistant humanoids. Oftentimes you can see the art majors flying because they carry their portfolios on their backs. It is considered sport to be able to hit them from a furlong.

[edit] Staff

RIT has an impressive staff that boasts some of the following geniuses:

[edit] President Dr. William W. Deathstar

Not much is known about Dr. Deathstar yet, past his seemingly unhealthy banjo fetish, and the fact that in almost every picture of him (like the on shown here), he looks like he has Down's Syndrome. Perhaps he will prove to be a worthy successor to Albert Simone. Perhaps not?

[edit] Former President Al Simone

President Simone teaching Murderface Dick-tactics.

As well as being a first-rate president, he is a Pirate-Ninja third-class, and taught William Murderface (Murderface Murderface) how to play bass with his dick. He is secretly Buckethead's surrogate father. His only downside - HE ACTUALLY LIKES "THE SENTINEL". Seriously. However, his future plans for the Sentinel include mechanizing it to give it the capability to patrol campus and eliminate all those that oppose it.

[edit] Other

Professor Farnsworth - Professor of Data Analysis (ya rly)
Dr. Zoidberg - Professor of Human Anatomy and Boxes
Dr. Bender - Professor Cheesing it and Advanced Bending
Dr. Byron Orpheus - Professor of Necromancing.
Dr. Evil - Professor of Lasers
Dr. Weird - Professor of Hand-Ass Dynamics
Johnny Robinson- Professor of Animation (and superhero AWESOMENESS)
Dr. Buckethead - Professor of Weedily Weedily
Dr. Felea - Professor of all things Calculus
Dr. Hach - Professor of Physics
Deckard Cain - Professor of Archeology and Identifier of Lewts
Dr.Tran - Professor of Hot Dickings with a PhD in 'Kicking Your Ass!'

[edit] Gracie’s

A typical Gracie's meal

Definition: Diarrhea-on-a-stick.

Gracie is a Rochesterianese word which, directly translated, means “flaming small intestine.” Gracie’s is a building in which a food-like substance is served to freshman, or 2nd year + RIT students that are too dumb to switch to an all-debit meal plan. In order to make it at RIT, you have to be able to take “The Gracie’s Treatment”. “The Gracie’s Treatment” is a technique used to weed out the weak. In order to pass “The Gracie’s Treatment”, you must not die during your first year at RIT. Since freshmen at required to eat at Gracie’s, this proves to be a formidable challenge. There are two ways to pass “The Gracie’s Treatment” the easier way and the harder way. The easier way involves obtaining second year status by having 40 or more credits before the end of your first year at RIT. If you are a freshman with second year status, you no longer have to eat at Gracie’s, and you pass “The Gracie’s Treatment”. The harder way to pass involves eating at Gracie’s for the entire year. Few have attempted this technique and retained enough of their sanity and internal organs to tell the tale.

Note: New technique has been exposed. Get a note from your doctor citing stomach pains and then talk with the health center. This trick has been verified to work. No button combinations or hex hacking necessary!

[edit] Species to Avoid

Although many of RIT's students are very intelligent and personable, there are several groups of people that should be avoided at all costs.

[edit] Larpers

Located in woods and scare the shit out of the 5 almost normal people at RIT trying to smoke a clandestine joint in the woods. Usually wearing some dumb cloak or bull shit like that and screaming bloody murder about spells, dungeons and dragons, many sided dice, why their parents don't love them, and how badass their non-badass fake weapons look. Similar to the GI JOES that also tend to siege the woods. It should be made clear that The Woods and Gazebo are strictly for pot smoking

[edit] Cloakies

This is an artist rendering of a Cloaky, in its natural tunnel habitat.

Cloakies are simply cloak-wearing brethren of the night, all day. Although few in number, their race is powerful and cloak-loving. They are most commonly seen at night, congregating in the darkest corners of the tunnels. It is suspected that they may be vampires, or purveyors of Dungeons and Dragons. It is nigh-impossible to capture their images on film, as they fear both sunlight and non-Cloak-wearing humans.

[edit] Computer Science Nerds

Image:Http://www.phun.org/newspics/funny friday/2428.jpg

On the trail of a CS nerd. C++ writings are on these papers. **Correction: These airplanes were made by 5 IT majors. Not one of the people who made them and hung them were in CS. ***Correction: There was actually 1 CS dude. ****Clarification: The papers did actually have C++ written on them by CS majors, but the I Tried students made them into airplanes because they can't code their way out of a wet paper bag. (This last comment was previously removed by some I Tried pussy because he's jealous of CS majors). *****Clarification: The CS guy later transferred into IT. ******Clarification: While this was happening the SE majors were out having a good time and laughing at the IT and CS kids *******Sidenote: A CS major would like to point out to non-RIT people that even though we think SE and IT are mostly failures and we seem to hate each other, we do actually get along, but usually only when we can make fun of art majors. ********Correction: No, CS majors really hate everyone else. IT sucks, they can grind out code but not program elegantly. Kind of like how your mom can drive, just not as well as a trucker. ********Clarification: A CE major would like to remind CS, SE, and IT majors that while you bicker and squabble, CEs remain lording over them. *********Correction: Then the CEs remembered the NSSAs who are too cool for a two letter acronym. ********** Clarification: Everyone knows that NSSAs can't code worth a shit and are nothing but worthless script kiddies, and CEs are just cocky fuckers who think they're way smarter than they really are. Just ask a CS major who has graded their labs and you'll have conclusive proof they're all morons. *********** Admiration: As software engineers, we admire the dedicated CEs who are willing to sacrifice years of their lives to dangerous chemicals in developing the next generation of computer hardware.************Final Note: while small in number, an important group to remember are the Computational Mathematics majors (CM) who, while they may go rather unnoticed in the grand-spectrum of inter-major politics will some day be working for the NSA, watching your communications and effortlessly breaking the encryption schemes you designed to keep your boss from ever finding your porn. It is believed one CM major was present for this event.************* Sidenote: CM's are really stuck on themselves because they're all virgins and vent their sexual frustration through arrogance. Anything they say should be met with extreme skepticism and accusatory masturbation jokes.**************In Addendum, while the previous comment about CM majors was true, the same can be said about the vast majority of RIT students. Especially those who spend their free time editing online encyclopedias.*************** Like that guy who wrote the last comment.

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[edit] Art Kids

Because RIT has a surprisingly good College of Art, artsy-fartsy students can be found all over an otherwise very nerdy campus (though mostly they just smoke outside of building 6). They are to be feared, for they are emo, weird, and cut themselves as a defense mechanism. They can be found in the labs late at night at the end of each quarter, having put their projects off until last second. Of special note are the Fine Arts majors, who hate all Design majors, Design majors, who hate Fine Art Majors, Photo majors, who hate everyone, and Fine Art Photo majors, who are a laughingstock to all involved. Other Majors include the New Media design students, and the Craft Students.

[edit] That Kid

There are a very special group of students at RIT that are completely unrelated other than for the fact that they are extremely distinctive unto themselves. These people can be considered to be art kids since they try too hard to be different.

[edit] Deafies

An immense number of deaf people, that spawn in the nearby swamp, congregate at RIT. In order to attempt to contain them, RIT created the Nazi Training Institute for Deafies (NTID) to function as a deaf-magnet so they would not interrupt the daily functioning of the university. Unfortunately, this has led to such people (colloquially "Deafies") to organize. Two consequences of this are the elevation of Honking as the official language of RIT, and of the election of a deaf student body president. Beware them, as they congregate in packs, and will use their honking in order to befuddle their prey shortly before devouring it, and leaving its remains strewn about all over where they dine.

After Deafies graduate from the NTID, they get jobs and move out of Rochester (or so we thought). In reality, NTID students work underneath the "tunnels" making RITZ Bits. We would be able to hear their screams if they could talk but...well...

[edit] Kids Who Don't Wear Shoes

Update: There are like 20 people who don't wear shoes; they are everywhere putting their dirty smelly feet on freakin' everything. It is OK to punch these people in the face, if you can call them people. They need the pain: it's like smacking a dog with a newspaper after it shits on the rug. It teaches them a lesson that their parents, who hate them for their weirdness, couldn't figure out how to convey, possibly from drinking so heavily due to the abominations of god they some how produced. For an example see Brian Murphy in ET lab.

[edit] Hippies

The woods are not only home to the local wildlife, but a rather indiscernible number of students. These students are always hard at work making sure that the trails are clean and free of overgrowth. Be sure to say hi with bright flashlights and sirens during the late nights when they are working their hardest.

[edit] Sayings

[edit] Female Sayings

"The odds are good, but the goods are odd"
"I think it's about time I became a lesbian"
"Most girls are hoes, who would even fuck a nerdy fag if you get em drunk enough"

[edit] Male Sayings

"Fe-Male??"
"Women at RIT are like parking spaces: they are either handicapped or already taken. On the off chance you find one, it means someone JUST pulled out."
"It's slim pickin's, and the pickin's is slim"
"Advice: Outsource!"
"Going to RIT is like having unprotected sex: You're glad you got in, but sad you came."
"I hate this God-forsaken hell-hole."
"I Got Laid!!!" (Rarely heard, but necessarily screamed throughout every hallway when such a momentous event does occur)
"Cheese it, it's the Dean!"
"The old Switcheroo"

[edit] CS

"I Tried" -CS majors switching to IT degrees. More specifically ANSA.
"If you can't hack it, pack it"-regarding the former CS student ANSA major switching to Packaging Science.

[edit] Graduates

RIT has graduated some of the best and brightest of the world, including:

GM Robot: RIT's Best Student

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Category: Universities

RIT