Rabbi
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
| Jewish stuff |
 |
| More Jewish stuff |
 |
SOMEBADY PLEASE PUT SOME RABBI PICTURES ON HERE
A rabbi is widely thought to be a religious leader of Jews, unless you're a Jew, in which case a rabbi is someone you tell when you've seen your neighbour buying shellfish in the supermarket.
Contents |
[edit] History of the Rabbi
In ancient times, Rabbi was a Hebrew term used as a title for those who were distinguished for learning, who were the authoritative teachers of the Law, or who were the appointed religious leaders of their community. The Rabbis were commissioned to teach and uphold the Jewish Law. Today Rabbis are just annoying. As the Jewish law has been over-ruled by the Laws of physics, Rabbis have in recent times been out of their jobs.
[edit] Now?
Nowadays, Rabbis are the most ridiculed peoples on the planet, second to nerds. This is mainly due to their fashion sense, or lack thereof. The official Rabbi Uniform Code states that "All clothing must be as black as the heart of that putz who cheated me out of fifty dollars, the lousy schmeckl. Hat styles may vary according to sect and opinion on animal rights, but must look silly, causing everyone to gawk and point at you as you shuffle down the street. You can then accuse them all of being antisemites or self-hating Jews.
[edit] Did You Know...
A Rabbi once wrote a book? His name was pronounced, "Shababa Abloo", or in English, Al Gore. He wrote a book about the truth of the Jewish religion, entitled, "How To Cook a Salisbury Steak to the Consistency of Leather".
[edit] Oy Vey!: Facts About Rabbis
- Most Rabbis talk in a weird language called Utini, also spoken by the Jawas of Tatooine.
- Bugs Bunny was the mascot for Rabbi Rabbits, the children's cereal.
- Rabbis are not allowed to shave their beards off; the animals living inside them won't let them.
- Jewish people can fly. But Rabbis can't.
- Rabbis have a super acute sense of smell. That's how they can sense the best deals.
- One Rabbi + One pool filled with JELL-O + One flamethrower = An adventure.
- Most Rabbis have a tool chest. But since they have no tools, they keep bagels in them.
- Rabbis speak Spanish fluently. They are sometimes seen conversing with Mexicans over coffee.
- The Rabbis are lead by the Rabbi Council
- ALL THEIR BASE ARE BELONG TO US.
[edit] How to: Become a Rabbi
Men who have studied the Frassk In Pisk, or Jewish Laws, and performed the act of Farshnickert have the right to become a Intern-Rabbi. For the next nine years, the Intern-Rabbi will follow his Gedempte flaysh, or Rabbi Sensei, and learn the ancient art of the Rabbi. After completing his nine year internship, the Intern-Rabbi will then move up a rank to become a Level Seven Paladin/Rabbi, and will have to gain 790,000 experience points to move up to the next level. Experience can be gained by converting people, increasing the Jewish community's wealth, or battling trolls. After the Level Seven Paladin/Rabbi acquires enough experience points, he will then trade it in for the Beard of +3 Nechvenin. He will then become a full-fledged Rabbi.
[edit] Rabbi Phenomenon
A strange occurrence sometimes happens involving a Rabbi. It has yet to be scientifically explained. The phenomena is as follows: a Rabbi will be seen entering a bar closely followed by a Priest and a Nun. The occasional talking frog will be seen with them. The group either orders something or says something to the bartender, then everybody laughs and the group leaves. The Rabbi, Priest and Nun are never seen again. Some believe that the witnesses to this event are just drunk. Others believe that these religious figures are sent by God to convert the bar-goers. And some just believe that this whole thing is just a joke. We may never uncover the truth.
[edit] See also
- The Uncyclopedia rabbinic helpline (Mondays to Thursdays, 9am to 5.30pm; Fridays 9am to 4pm.)
