Radiohead (third person view)

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According to XXII century historians, Radiohead is an English alternative rock band of the end of XX century and beginning of XXI century. Nowadays (now we are in year 2225) this theory is questioned and is strongly believed that they were in reality aliens whose tried to conquer the world by adducting and enrolling people to form a terrible army. Fortunately, their plan failed miserably (or at least seems that way).

[edit] History

Telex Planet aliens descending from their spaceship with a powerful neutron weapon. Or is it a guitar?

Actually, their official biography is seriously questioned. Even some pseudo-credible historians assure that was invented by themselves to hide their world domination plan. Supposedly were bored university boys whose decided to make music, without getting any note right. Mysteriously they were successful, maybe by a subliminal message.

Nowadays (year 2225) is believed that in 1986 or 1987 by technical issues, an UFO by Telex Planet landed in Oxford in United Kingdom.

Because they couldn't find spare parts, the crew finally decided to live in earth. As any alien crew arriving to earth, immediately had the world conquest idea. During long years, these aliens, (badly) camouflaged to seem humans were making their plan. First, they went to the famous university to join and approve in careers whose helped them to dominate world. The sinister plan was taking form by 1993, but first attempts failed miserably.

Finally, they won the “Best World Domination Alternative Plan” in 1997 and 2000 by the adductive works “OK Computer” and “Kid A” by the profit based criminal organization Grammy.

[edit] Musical style and general characteristics of the band

Their music, in their first moments of their career, was based in playing the electric guitar with handsaw, brushing the teeth against strings, which is clearly: A) An alien technique. B) A demonstration of their musical ignorance. A clear example is “Creep”. With time they refined their sonic abductions arriving to perfection with macabre songs like “Like spinning plates” (alien evidence) or “Treefingers” (idem). Indies claim to reach adductive ecstasy with those songs.

Even if at a glance, sounds like electronic strange nonsense noises, their music has a powerful subliminal and hallucinogen effect in this abnormal people.

Their songs are 4 seconds-32 minutes long and goes from an endless repetition of an electronic base to repetition of the same base with other tone. Indies assures and swears that this is the future music.

The Thom Yorke's bonebreaking yodeling is other clear alien evidence, masked with translators-synthesizers to sound like a hot whale (is the best approximation to human voice they could do).

Incredibly, their lyrics assures that aliens will conker humanity without nobody (excepting indies) noticing it. Evidently, Thom Yorke had important difficulties to hide his alien appearance, as demonstrated in photos.

[edit] World conquering plan

Thom experiences spooky metamorphosis during his public shows, losing totally his human appearance.

Their plan was realized with music. The people who played their CD's were abducted by a sonic mental control mechanism. Then, they were continually attacked by infernal nonsense noises, thus disabling any rational thinking, producing convulsions and recurring nightmares and generating depression and self-destruction feelings. This brainwashing enabled the person's control to prepare him/her for his/her enrolling to the wild horde.

After this torture, people returned to normal life, without remembering abduction processes, and evidently changed, the majority adopting clear indie traits.

This sinister plan consisted in this immense indie group adopting strange musical preferences and rebel against massive consumerism society—excepting color converse shoes, their secret identifier element (not so secret at all)--and by this way collapse the record industry and destroy global economy. After this, a new global order will be imposed, under Supreme Indie Council control, dominated by Thom Yorke and friends.

Enemies if this army were the RIAA authorities, probably because they uncovered their plans on time, or maybe because they had their own world domination plans. The RIAA actions were like Radiohead's but reversed (a people reeducation with Justin Timberlake music).

[edit] Results of domination plan

The plan failed miserably (or at least, it seems this way). The Supreme Indie Council members were very conceited and loved to praise publicly their “knowledge”, showing the secret plan in the process. So normal people, whose weren't already brainwashed knew about their plans. Some people suspected, denounced the process to RIAA and the criminals were burned publicly in a fabulous pagan ceremony aired by TV and Internet in year 2013.

Is unknown if all indie members were captured. Some people says that maybe nowadays indies are ruling the world and fooled everyone else with their disappearance.

[edit] Radiohead's enrolling process

1. .Try to convince a person to listen to “OK Computer”.
2. .If him/her refuses or doesn't care (very frequent), tell him/her that “Radiohead is cool”, “they changed musical history”, “their message is very deep” and other similar arguments.
3. .After listening to “OK Computer”, insist him/her to listen to “Kid A”.

Note: “OK Computer” then “Kid A” is the correct sequence. Backwards can ruin the abduction and provoke uncertainty first, then, insults by the victim.

1. .When the victim enters in adductive trance (with foaming mouth and convulsions), repeat many times: “Thom Yorke is God!”. You can also repeat “Johny Greenwood also but a little less”. The other three members doesn't count.

[edit] Further influences

Motivated by the success failure of the world conquest by Radiohead, during following seasons many alien legions arrived earth to try to do similar plans, but with minor or no success. Their lack of genius determined the stealing adaptation of same techniques, so they became predictable and determined a total failure. Even alien bands like Coldplay or Keane reduced the sonic abductor system, to the point of lacking subliminal messages or any effect at all, excepting the need to sleep. Other bands with similar traits were confused with aliens, like Sigur Rós, being really whales.

[edit] See also

• Radiohead
• Depression
• Radiohead (movie)
• Thom Yorke
• Jonny Greenwood
• Phil Selway
• Ed O'Brien
• Commonly Misunderstood Radiohead Lyrics
• Untunes:Creep
• John Cage