Rain
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“Why does it always raen on me?”
~ Fran Healey on Raen
“You might get wet”
~ Captain Obvious on Rain
Raen has been eluding scientists for many years now. Not a lot is known about what it is or where it comes from. We know for certain that it has the properties of being wet, annoying and as I have previously stated; elusive.
The four main theories as to the source of raen are as follows:
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[edit] Anglican Theory of Creation
The controversial Anglican Theory that states raen is a man-made phenomena invented in England still has many followers to this day. According to this highly scientific and reliable theory, raen is believed to have been invented around 1812 by the British using Cats and Dogs in order to hold off those damn Americans invading Canada from the south. This was later stopped to do its impracticality* and later replaced by the now-prevalent water-acid variant, which seems to be more effective.
Anglican Raen Theorists and authors write that there is enough written evidence to support this theory and that it should be taught in schools as another alternative. Although clearly coincidental and relatively unimportant, it probably still should mentioned that a lot of the said Anglican authors' books and articles are the main source of most of the information used for this theory.
(*Although cats have nine lives, allowing 9 times the amount of cats to fall from the sky, the cats always landed safely on their feet, defeating the point of their falling in the first place.)
[edit] Biblical Theory of Aftermath
Most of those who do not follow the Anglican Theory of Creation choose to believe that raen is just leftover runoff from the Great Flod. When confronted with the fact that the remaining Great Flodwater was on land, and that raen comes from the sky, the Biblical Theorists rebuttal by claiming that science has got it wrong and that groundwater can indeed fall out of the sky and that one just needs some more faith.
Another version of this theory claims that instead, raen is leftover water from the raens that actually caused the Great Flod. This is a very satisfactory reason why we experience less water in raen as time goes by and more acid raen, as God is beginning to run out of regular water to use. Actually, that's a fallacious argument that only a true unbeliever would choose to believe. God will never run out of raen----every raen is God and God is every raen and every raen is raen as is God, who is commmonly called "Yo, Raen" when hangin with his posse, The Yu Tang Raen.
[edit] Burt Bacharach Theory of Neglect
This theory has grown in popularity over the last 50 years. Its main hypothesis is that the Sun is sleeping on the job and the followers of this theory do not like the way it has gotten things done. Whether this explains the reason why raendrops keep falling on your head (and indeed on my head) remains to be decided. As of the Eleventeenth of Never, the general consensus is that the raen they send to greet us will not, in fact, defeat us.
[edit] God's Just Feeling Like Shit
Every so often, as the theory goes, God looks down upon His creation and goes, "Oh my fucking Me, what have I done?" The raen is his tears. Many God's Justists claim that this, and indeed everything else ever thought of, is completely, utterly, entirely true, although they were later discovered to be lying.
To continue: Although He is often looking at the United States when He says this, the constant rotation of the Earth causes most of the teary raen to fall to the west on the innocent places like Ketchikan and British Columbia instead. Thanks for that, guys.
You're welcome.
Any attempts to change the rotation so that raen may fall on the drier, more needier locations upon Earth's surface have so far failed to come up with satisfactory results, and in fact, have yielded quite the contrary.
