Ralph Nader

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“If a vote for Nader is a vote for McCain, who do I vote for if I want to vote for Nader?”

~ Barack Obama

'Ralph Nader has no friends but you can become his irst if you IM him at NADER1061'

To demonstrate the dangers of airbags, Ralph Nader famously broke the neck of this three year old girl on national television.

Ralph Nader has no friends, he is also a political activist who pulled his way up from the East-Side projects of Winstead, Connecticut to become a prominent right-wing politician. Known for his Machiavellian treachery, he runs as an extreme leftist in order to draw votes away from more moderate liberal candidates, thus sabotaging their campaigns.

Most noted for his heated, no-holds-barred rhetoric, his speeches, lectures, and political rallies are often attended by as many as two dozen people at any given time. Among his most famous speeches is "Me name be Ralph Nader. Me gonna make an appeal. Homies, save the rainforest. Aiii? Keep it real." [1]

[edit] Literary Career

Nader gets that crazed, twitchy, lazy-eyed look...

In 1965, Nader wrote the famous book Unsafe at Any Non-Zero Relative Velocity, a treatise on the faulty design of the McDonnell-Douglas A-7 Corsair. It tended to understeer at mach 3.5, causing a crash in June of 1963. He also complained of the chrome-plated windshield-wiper arms which could conceivably blind pilots, potentially causing them to shoot missiles at the wrong Ayatollah.

Nader continued to increase his notoriety through a long career of God-hating, anti-american, liberal terrorist causes through best-selling books, such as The Consumer and Holding Corporations Responsible, Because the Anti-Capitalist Terrorists Should Win (1976), Who's Poisoning America, and Why We Should Continue Because We Hate Freedom and God (1981), Cutting Corporate Welfare instead of Welfare for the Poor, Like We Obviously Should Be (1992), and The 3.14159 Traditions (2007).

Nader also wrote "Everybody Poops", the memiors of his horrendous political career

[edit] Presidential Campaigns

Realizing a way to only strengthen his reputation and make people love him more, Ralph Nader has run numerous times for the office of President.

2000: Nader received the Green Party nomination for the US Presidency. His "Both Parties Are The Same Even Though They Vote the Opposite" campaign strategy was immensely successful, garnering more votes than pacific salmon have bicycles (salmon and bicycles both being rare due to Nader's The Boon of Hydroelectric Power (1985) and Two-Wheeled Deathtraps (1994)).

Later that year, nadering entered widespread use as a euphemism for "working against your own interests." Some examples of common usage:

"Didn't I warn you about playing with B-B guns? Just look at your eye! Oh, I guess you can't look, can you, since it's gone now! You've nadered yourself, are you satisfied?"

"Mr. Wilkins, remember how I said that if we outsourced our entire IT Department, we'd get into some real trouble once the Indians and Chinese started raising their hourly rates? Well, looks like our asses are totally nadered."

Ralph Nader, activist and presidential candidate, tired out after a successful run for President

2004: Rumors spread that Nader was again on the presidential ballot; while this has never been confirmed, his lack of political support that year led to a steep decline in the use of the euphemism "nadering" in favor of the phrase "marriage is a sacred institution." (Usage example: "Didn't I tell you the other kids'd beat you up for trying to keep them from torturing those kittens? Marriage is a sacred institution!")

2008: Nader once again for the eighth time announced that he was running for President. He remained realistic about his chances saying that with Barack Obama in the race, he would only win by 20-25% of the vote, with Obama likely winning "the colored areas" and John McCain winning only old folks and fascists.

He then mentioned how he was going to marry his long-time girlfriend Morgan Fairchild. To which the editor can only say, about damn time. I mean, come on Ralph, 74 and still not married.

[edit] Personal Life

In his free time, Nader enjoys finding things not funny, and sitting in a hard-backed chair masturbating violently to photographs of seatbelts and airbags. Rumors circulated during the 2000 presidential campaign that Nader once had a recognizably human relationship with another person were later revealed to be an urban legend.