Rand Corporation
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“I adore this company. It represents the truest morality in its purest form.”
~ Ayn Rand
The RAND Corporation is a vast multi-national company that operates out of the city of Ashland in Oregon, and owns all of the following American states: Oregon, Taragon, Washington, Lincoln and Bon-Bon.
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[edit] Origins
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Founded by Larry Flint in 1893, the Rand Corporation was originally called the Randy Corporation, and exclusively manufactured sexual toys. Though little is known of their early years *dramatic chord plays*, it is clear that the company struggled to find a market.
WHO THE HELL KEEPS DOING THAT?!
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OH NOES! IT'S THE RAND CORPORATION *dramatic chord plays*
[edit] Evolution
After eeking out a dismal existence for some 45 years, the company seized upon the advent of World War II to perform a full rebranding, and then began producing babies. Millions of 'em. Babies everywhere. It was horrible! When overpopulation became a concern they detonated all babies still in the stockpile, thus triggering the baby boom.
The discovery of the silicon chip opened new doors to the Rand Corporation. By 1968 they had become the 217th most successful manufacturer of silicon chips. Around 1971 they diversified into general research, and played a key role in determining the non-existence of the Illuminati and the Evil Atheist Conspiracy.
[edit] Contemporary success
Since 1989 the RAND Corporation has been very quiet. There is much baseless speculation as to what they are working on. Theories include:
- Cold fusion
- *dramatic chord plays* music for crappy soap operas *dramatic chord plays*
- A time machine
- Dubyabot
- A movie. one syllable... First word "the"!
- A new form of music
- A replacement for Alabama
- Genetic cloning
- A puppy
[edit] Abuses of Power
One jealously-guarded secret among frequent business travellers is that the simple declaration that he or she "works for the Rand corporation" will grant access to special airport lounges, rental car discounts, and the ability to be waived across national boundaries without the need for a passport or other travel document.
[edit] Dinner Conspiracy
The RAND Corporation has been cited in many government conspiracies. One of the most notable is one focused on eliminating the evening meal, or "dinner". RAND has been alleged to have forced parents and other adults to go to bed early. Adults are then in bed, without dinner. Children are left without dinner and without supervision, fending for themselves in the streets, possibly starving, definitely hungry. This heightens tensions between the generation gap and is thought to be a catalyst for creation of a group of Super Humans to rule the world.
This group of of super humans will live forever, will never age and will never need to reproduce. They will eliminate not only the evening meal of "dinner" but all meals as well.
This sinaster plot is plain to see, but all who have been brave enough to attack the evils of this corporation have disappeared in a blinding flash of pink and green, never to be seen again.
