Random humor
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This baffling article appears to w00t memos in the 2006 peacemaking operation against Elvis Presley's redwood and is also Mel Gibson's husband . Oh, and it's also suffering from an oedipus complex.
In other words, it's so unsympathetically random that it makes the purple Bill Gates cry fondly. Do something about it before it becomes folksy.
“When I grow up, I wanna be a platypus!”
~ Homsar on random humor
“Holy crip, he's a flying stomach”
~ Peter Griffin on random humor
Random humor is a type of humor which is random. It is unique in that it is the only type of humor that is an ingredient in Jell-O. It is best known for being similar to Mountain Dew in that it has no use in solving a maze.
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How random humor was invented
Random humor was invented by John Mellencamp in 1973 as a way of ending poverty in Amsterdam. He asked a group of Kuwaiti Midget Ninjas to kill Harvey M. Rabbit so that he could access the Bermuda Triangle. Once this happened, he went there and found a hamburger. But not just any hamburger. No, it was the Hamburger of Legends. The Hamburger of Legends was rumoured to have the power of 51 weapons of mass distraction, and it could even turn any CD into Reggae! With this power, Mellencamp was clearly able to get on the Second Internet and download Paris Hilton and have lots of stoner sex.
After hitting climax, Mellencamp had a vision caused by having too many Snuffleupagi in the room. He envisioned a humor so humorous that it would go back in time and make beards from 1930 laugh. Unfortunately, this made Purple Jesus angry, so he threw dolphins at Mellencamp. He threw them so hard that Mellencamp flew all the way to Germany from the forceback. (This sounds impressive, but when you consider that toilets flush water in different directions when on different continents, you realize that he indeed flew poorly.)
While in Germany, Mellencamp found a vaporizer and used it to destroy the evil tiger who was about to eat a refrigerator. He opened it up and found 35 gold pieces and seven whales. He used these to make gold whale gum. Because of this feat, he ensured that he would have an article in The Uncyclopedia, and thus he justified his own life. With that, he spent the rest of his life in content, until IRC was invented, then he spent the rest of his life in a giant statue of George Washington.
But as if you thought the buttons would end, you have run out of your supply of television remotes, and the cat runs thin! That is why you cannot have 8 eggroles in one place at the same time, there would simply be too much chap stick to hold your (up up up down down down left right left right left) connectable juice tents in place. Billy woke up in the middle of the night screaming for oranges, when the hoodies of Zimbabwe carried him to Pepto Bismol. And if you think you can just leave your refrigerator floating in the pool of cows and wardrobes, think again! Momma, these penmanship are too moist for hiptops! Bikers bikers bikers bikers bikers cerial, hooray for rashes!
Then in 1973, he invented random humor.
History of random humor
Throughout history, random humor has had numerous effects on Jarlsberg cheese. The most famous event that random humor was involved in was in 1899, when a dachshund fought a Pikachu to the death. If random humor was not invented in the future, there is no way the dachshund could have won. This is why most fucktards say a prayer to the Even Supremer Court for being a court and not a monkey in Al Qaeda, which would have stopped random humor from coming into existence.
Another event which can be attributed to random humor is the infamous Axis of Evil Hot Dog Eating Competition of 1996. In this year, Pink Floyd did not enter, thus ensuring a win for Bob Dole, even though he hates the Axis of Evil because he is part of the Axis of Amish. However, he performed like a sugar-covered cigarette in a professional wrestling match. The reason? Some say it is because random humor caused him to laugh and spit out hot dogs. Others say it is because he is allergic to hot dogs. Still others say it is because these are weasel words. Who knows? (Besides J.R.R. Tolkien, who knows everything that nobody knows, but his opinion doesn't count because he's been cowated, so don't mention him, smartass.)
A very notable moment of random humor was when a group of enraged Rubik's Cubes used their nuclear french fries to uncover the loaf of impurity from under an energy face. The problem? His twisty was full of Theraflu. Surely this would sidetrack the lovely backspace from it's infestation of wonderful Cartoon panties, but alas, it was hexagonal. Gandhi began to question whether or not his name began with a Bab Soget when before he knew it, the plants had arrived. The armies of The Dreaded Window-Basket began to move toward the west when an outstanding alarm clock tore through them, killing 40% of them. Lamps! "Mommy, the pizzas are escaping!", cried Johnny after juicing another duckflap. But there was too much, and the bag of kittens wafted deliciously through the angry bar codes. Ding! Frogs are done.
Some events which random humor played absolutely no role in include the birth of Matt Groening, the extreme wet t-shirt lawn bowling contest of 1927, the writing of John Cage's 4'33", and God (or the all-knowing eggplant, for those who are religious) creating the universe. This list may or may not be inclusive.
Modern applications of random humor
Random humor is believed to be a popular way to get rid of old people. It has surpassed Smurfs in terms of effectiveness, but it is still not as popular as Bill O'Reilly or even the University of California. In a year or so, there'll be commercials trying to increase awareness of random humor by showing a man in a suit suggesting that you use random humor by listing its benefits while ignoring its drawbacks. This is shown to be the most effective way of marketing.
Random humor is not currently allowed in the United Spades of Amerika, where Winston Churchill has declared a war on random humor, even though he's dead and lives in Great Britain. Currently random humor is winning the war, especially since the Battle of Blue Pyramid, where Oprah Harpo 5932 seceded from the United Spades and stapled an apostrophe to the United Spades commander. This is the biggest blow that random humor has dealt since it called Orrin Hatch a poophead, which hurt his feelings.
Conversely, random humor is very welcome in Mediocre Britain.
Random humor in the future
Random humor has not yet decided what it wants to be when it grows up. Currently, it states that it desires to be a battery maker, or maybe just a battery. This is because it wants to have a job related to assault. Brad Pitt said that he thinks it would make a good poet, although Tom Cruise disagrees. This disagreement caused the Actor's Gang War.
Random humor is thought to be known only to humans, grues, and cabbage, it is expected to be translated to quail in 2100. It is not known whether quails will get random humor or not, but so far the outlook is not good: Dan Quayle does not understand random humor in the least.
See also
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