Randy Moss
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“I smoke a blunt once every blue moon. But hey, the moon looks kinda blue tonight...”
~ Randy Moss on Randy Moss
“Ain't nothin but ten grand, what's ten grand to me.”
~ Randy Moss on ridiculous fines}
“You should really quote this guy more than me”
~ Oscar Wilde on Randy Moss
“Are you freaking serious!!!!!!!!???????”
~ Oakland Raiders on how he all of a sudden became good again after going to the Patriots
“Well, one time I was cutting the sleeves off my sweater, and I thought, how is this tall, ugly, afro-headed black bastard so good at catching balls?? I just had to own him! Now I have the best slave ever!”
~ Bill Belichick on gay pride!
Randy Moss (born Randinald Moss-Blunt 8/23/1926) is an NFL Wide Receiver that just about loves being black.
[edit] Pre-Football
He was already an accomplished rapper named Moss Def, and he got himself some white gurl constantly. He was ballin' all over the world with his bling bling and shit. Then the plane crash of Marshall University happened, and Matthew McConaughy asked him to play football and Randy Moss, already 44, changed back time to make himself 18 again, and played four years at Marshall. He along with Matthew McConaughy restored that program. Randy Moss decided he wanted to play football in the NFL. He traveled to the future to 1996 and demanded he be in the NFL draft.
[edit] Football
The Minnesota Vikings drafted him, and he became an instant success. He wasn't tackled until 2000 and even then, he fell down because he slipped and someone touched him. He had hands of a god, because he would never drop passes. He was consistent all the time and never had bad games. By 2003, he broke every record imaginable. Jerry Rice stayed in the league for as long as he did because Moss kept breaking his records. Randy Moss forced him out of the league, along with Emmitt Smith, and made them dress up like fags and go on a reality show.
During his early career, his fellow wide receiver Barack Obama overshadowed him. However, he surpassed Obama in the depth chart and forced him into politics.
After he got tired of the Vikings, the Raiders picked him up. Of course, Randy committed some crimes in order to be eligible for the Raiders. On the Raiders he was even more of a success. Unfortunately, the Raiders played poorly, but Moss was not to blame. His stats show that the worse the Raiders played, the better Randy Moss played to try and help them. He would never drop a pass or run out of bounds, just because his team was failing. He is that much of a team player. There is a Randy Moss in "team". Finally, he figured out he couldn't help the Raiders. No matter how hard he tried, he just couldn't fix that team. He graciously agreed to a trade to help out another struggling team, the New England Patriots. Of course, the Patriots had to give up all their 2007 draft picks, their first round 2008 pick, and some crack. All the picks were traded for crack on the street. Randy Moss will most definitely be a success in New England, considering he fits their teamwork scheme perfectly
Some crazy scientists that did a "test" on him said that they found marijuana in his system. But Randy Moss said, "Who the fuck cares? Every black man in the NFL does it, I am just keeping it real!" When the NFL told him that he would be suspended if he admitted to it, he said it was just a joke. Everybody believes his word, because there is a Randy Moss in "honesty."
He is the most creative Touchdown Dancer. His best work has been on the Raiders where he has caught many TDs of course. His dances include the Waltz, Salsa, African Tribal Dances, Goin' Dumb, and doin' the Oakland Drop. He even pretended to moon people, but if he actually did it, he feared "them crackas would fuck me in the ass!"
