Ranma ½
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“If you can think of a better anime for beating off to people randomly changing gender and species, I'd like to hear it.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ranma ½
“Wait... if I did him, does this count as gay sex or not? Ranma got fucked all night then died the following day.”
~ Michael Jackson on How he screwed Ranma
Ranma ½ (Metric: Ranma 13mm) is a comedy anime about the life of a young transexual attempting to masquerade him(?)self as an actual viable hero for an anime.
Contents |
[edit] Story
Ranma Saotome and his father, Genma, were practicing their own special brand of imaginary fancy A Splodey moves (I mean martial arts) in Minnesota, "Land of 10,000 Cursed Springs," near a particularly dense cluster of said springs as their first choice, the nuclear waste dump nearby, was closed to the public.
Ranma fell in one of these springs, and was thereafter cursed to become Avril Lavigne whenever hit with cold water. His father fell in another spring, and is now forced to become the 1987 Britannica Encyclopedia set whenever cold water is splashed on him.
[edit] Supporting characters
- Akane- The lesbo every guy loves... or hates... or whatever... if they ever really cared to start with.
- Shampoo (Xian Pu)- a retarded baboon they shaved the body of and dyed remaining fur bright purple.
- Ukyou- More fun with Transvestites... and you thought Ranma was a mess!
- Kodachi- Also a man in drag
- Happosai- a reject from the David The Gnome series
- Ryouga - NanaNanaNanaNanaaa PIGman!
- Kunou- Really reeeaaally into transvestites
- Mousse- A small tumor which clings to the back of Shampoo's left ass cheek.
- Gosunkugi- He gets all the chicks
[edit] Notes
Actually, the plot line has been drastically simplified since its original conception. Although Ranma becomes a girl when hit with cold water, and a boy again with warm water, there are a large number of other liquids that, when cold, turn him into the following:
- 8-track tape (Kerosene)
- This was actually a marketing ploy. A tape marked 'RANMA' hit the markets at the same time as this installment in the series, and consisted of a thirty-minute loop of Ranma saying 'Help me! I've been turned into an 8-track!' This is now considered a collector's item, inasmuch as only 1,101 were ever sold and most of those were destroyed when their owners (who were not that "with it", being people who actually liked the 8-track format and all), actually followed Ranma's directions and poured kerosene on the tape.
- Ostrich (Liquid Nitrogen)
- Initially conceived as a major plot point, this was only used once. It was realized that, since 'warm' nitrogen would turn him back, and since warm nitrogen comprises more than 3/4ths of the Earth's atmosphere, he would change back almost instantly. When this installment was adapted for the television show, a freezeframe shot shows that he does turn into an ostrich for exactly one cel.
- Perry Como (Tab)
- Possibly the strangest installment features Ranma turning into singer Perry Como. Exactly what purpose this serves in the plot is unclear, although watching Perry compete in a martial arts contest while singing "Catch a Falling Star" is considered one of the 'high points' of the series. When this was adapted for the television show, Perry actually supplied his own voice. Unfortunately, this episode was ultimately deemed "too weird" for general circulation, and is now shown only occasionally, on TV Land, late at night.
- Dr Clayton Forrester (Milk)
- Possibly the second strangest installment features Ranma turning into Dr Clayton Forrester from the hit TV show 'Mystery Science Theater 3000'. This transformation didn't last very long due to the fact that Akane didn't exactly approve of Ranma trapping her on a satellite with a bunch of robots nor did Ryouga approve of Ranma adding a 'TVs' to the front of her name. The whereabouts of the robots are currently unknown.
- N00b (Orange Juice)
- Another just plain weird transformation which turns Ranma into a n00b via cold orange juice. This was also another short-lived transformation, also due to Akane.
- Little Bitty Girly Bits (Liquid Nitrogen)
- (early manga only) Later retconned when Dante Alighieri took over the manga-writing chores.
- Pile of Sludge (Aqua Fortis)
- Popeye (Liquified Spinach)
- In the final episodes of the anime, the main characters realize that the series refuses to end with any conclusive relationship. So Ranma takes it upon himself to create some "Nannichuan" (the shit that will give him a permanent cock again.) He decides that spinach is definately the way to go for this instance. However, instead of becoming a man again he becomes Popeye (who we all know isn't a man) and procedes to be raped by Olive. The producers of the series wanted to continue creating episodes, but the writers suffocated themselves with bubble-wrap.
[edit] About the Author
The popular manga series Ranma ½ was created by Peanuts creator Charles M. Schulz, although he later abandoned the quirky teen sex-comedy to devote himself fully to Charlie Brown and Snoopy. When asked about the series shortly before his death, Schulz commented "I wanted to write something that 14-year-old boys could wack off to. However, all it ended up doing was making them feel funny, like when you climb the rope in gym class."
Despite the series being an effective afterthought for the Peanuts creator, Schulz has still written and published an impressive 86 volumes of the popular series, which has run for many years. "Ever since I was a child, I hoped to find a way to incorporate my fetish for girls beating guys over the head with croquet mallets into a subculture of fanboys and perverts, and I think I have finally succeeded in that endeavor."
[edit] The 'Gay or Not' Contraversy
There has been much talk of whether Ranma should be considered gay when she sleeps with men in her girl form. But what does it matter, we whack off while looking at her anyway, so we are all homozexuals too!!!!!
[edit] the Manga
The manga was the original incarnation of Ranma½. The distinguishing feature of the manga is that it is is black and white, and therefore everyone smokes and talks like Humphrey Bogart.
[edit] the Anime
The anime is similar to the manga, except that female Ranma's hair color is red, most people don't smoke and they only talk like Humphrey Bogart during "mystery" parties that involve fedoras and words like 'gumshoe.'
