Ray Comfort
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| Date of birth: | December 5, 1949 | |
| Place of birth: | New Zealand | |
| Nationality: | God's Country | |
| Known for | Homosexual Activities, Being the Second Coming of Christ, Being a Renowned Ass Pirate, Extreme Food Fetishes (ie. bananas). | |
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| Occupation | Evangelist, Author, Television host, Second coming of Jesus Christ | |
| Religion | Real Christianity | |
| Spouse | Kirk Cameron | |
| Children | Jesus Comfort, Mary Comfort, Ray Jesus Christ Comfort Jr. | |
| Website | ||
“Ray Comfort is a fake, the Ramtha School of Enlightenment has proven this 100%”
~ Ramtha on Ray Comfort
“I could kick his ass easy!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Ray Comfort
“This guy does not represent me!”
~ God on Ray Comfort
Ray Comfort (Born December 25, 1949) is the Second Coming of what Christians call Jesus.
Ray "Jesus Christ" Comfort is the head of the Living Waters ministry which preaches the gospel truth about Ray Comfort as well as The Way of The Master seminar series. Also He has written a number of books about His experiences being the true reincarnation of God and Jesus Christ. Comfort lives with his three children Jesus, Mary, and Ray Jesus Christ Jr from his first marriage, to Susan B Comfort, as well as his male love slave Kirk Cameron.
Contents |
[edit] Ray Comfort's Personal Beliefs
This is a brief list of Ray's "Truths"
- The Bible is the literal truth, NO EXCEPTIONS!!!
- Banana's are not only erotic, but prove the Bible as truth
- Homosexuality is O.K., but only if you do it in the name of God
- Not accepting Jesus into your heart will give you herpes
- Evangelize while you wake, sleep, eat, poop, and evangelize. The word of God must be heard.
- Jesus + God + Balls = Ray Comfort
- Kirk Cameron is Yummy
- Everyone is Ray Comfort's Slave (See Way Of The Master)
- Morons/Atheists/Muslims/ETC will all go to hell
- Christians will got to hell unless they accept Ray into their hearts.
[edit] Early Life
Born ethnically half-Jewish (via his mother), Comfort was raised with next to no religious experience; in his words: "I went through life without any Christian instruction at all. I think I went to church about three times in about twenty years. I hated it. I found it's rules to be an insult to my intellect. However; I always found the preachers very sexually pleasing. I remember joking, 'If I couldn't sleep one night, I'd employ a preacher to come have sex with me; and it would get me off.' I was serious; it seemed to me to be completely erotic."
On April 1, 1972 at 1:30 AM, while banging a gay hooker, Ray had an epiphany, that he was indeed Jesus Christ incarnate. It was at that moment that the Angel Gabriel appeared to him and told him that "Every body dies, therefore there is a God, and that God is You". Then the Angel Gabriel disappeared. After Ray finished cleaning up the mess from dirty butt sex, Ray had a shower. Then Ray took the Gideons Bible from the cheap motel's nightstand and left, heading towards the nearest church. For the next 7 days Ray read the Bible over and over again, emerged from the church and declared that He had found God. Where He found God, was inside Him, where God had taken up residence since the day He was born.
His first act as savior was to find himself a wife so that he could procreate and father new holy sons of the Lord Almighty.
[edit] Personal Life
[edit] First Marriage
Ray met his wife Susan B while he was open air preaching in the greater Los Angeles area in 1981. For Ray it was love at first sight, however, Susan B had other plans. She was already engaged to a man of the Church, which posed a great problem for Ray. For months Ray lived in the tree beside her suburban home to ensure that the beast of a man, to whom she was engaged, did not deflower her while Ray came up with a plan. Finally one day, Ray enacted his genius wooing plan, and when Susan took out the garbage that day, Ray pushed her into a waiting Van and took her to the Living Waters compound. Over the next week she was gently convinced to marry Ray and bear his children.
After bearing Ray his third child on December 25 1997 Ray Jesus Christ Comfort Jr., Susan mysteriously disappeared from the compound. After a feverish nationwide search by Living Waters officials, Ray himself found Susan dead in a near by muddy ditch. Autopsy reports, done by forensic experts at the Living Waters church, showed that Susan had been walking alone by this ditch and had suddenly broke her leg. She immediately fell into the ditch and drowned in the black muddy water. By her request she was cremated immediately and after, her ashes made into Nesquik chocolate milk powder. Ray was noted as saying, "every time I drink chocolate milk, I know Susan is somewhere inside of me."
For hours on end Ray was devastated. It was then that a miracle occurred to Ray. Into the compound walked Kirk Cameron (From the critically acclaimed TV series Growing Pains.)
[edit] New Love: Kirk Cameron Style
Kirk and Ray immediately hit it off and then took turns "hitting it" on/in each other. The Living Waters ministry is the only evangelical ministry in America to recognize gay marriage. Kirk and Ray are also the only two openly gay leaders of an evangelical ministry, however, many feel Ted Haggard, Pat Robertson, and George W. Bush are just about ready to come out of the closet to join them.
Ray believes homosexual activities were accidentally left out of the Bible by God to challenge homosexuals. He states that while there is no scriptural evidence is available, God revealed to him in a special revelation that Jesus himself liked the cock. From that revelation on, Ray has invaded as many orifices as possible to spread the good word.
