Red Hot Chili Peppers

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"That stupid white band that does horrible cover versions of black musicians."

~ Trevor Dunn on Red Hot Chili Peppers

“Noting like socks..... a homeless man's condom.”

~ Oscar Wilde on Red Hot Chili Peppers

“What the fuck was I thinking?”

~ Buckethead on trying out for the Red Hot Chili Peppers

“Dude, how long has it been already?”

~ Fan at a Red Hot Chili Pepper's concert on John Frusciante's improvised solo

“Crap, I hope they didn't noticed that”

~ Anthony Kiedis on messing up on the lyics

“Great, he messed up again.”

~ Fan at a Red Hot Chili Pepper's concert on Anthony Keidis messing up on the lyrics

Founded by charismatic front woman, Dani California (born, in Mississippi c.Yesterday), in 42 BC, the Red Hot Date Rape Peppers (including the guitarist, the bassist, and the other one whose name no-one can remember) met one another while out Road Trippin'. They quickly went on to become good friends, often hanging out Under Bridges although one day they decided to go on the otherside they then decided to seek higher ground during the summer time behind the sun. One had a purple stain on their t-shirt and decided to knock me down. However, in 1992 they all died horribly, leaving the rest of their career in tatters.

The Red Hot Chilli Peppers revolutionised music by writing one song, copying and pasting it repeatedly onto their desktops under different names, then selling the product to consumers like Mao Zedong and Who's your daddy and what does he do? See, you can already tell this is going to be one of those articles that were probably written by encyclopediadramatica editors, and bring shame to Uncyclopedia.

Contents 1 Return of the King 2 The Evil 50 Cent 3 The Chosen Re-appear 4 Hiatus 5 Albums 6 Lineup 7 See also

[edit] Return of the King

In 1999 there were a lot of problems. A limp biscuit attempted to turn the world to the Dark Side by changing the spelling of "new" and trying to tell us that metal could be mixed with unconventional things (like women's underwear), a grand allegiance between the "'hoods", led by 50 Cent and other such tyrants who struggled to spell their names, the first sighting of the infamous "Spear of Britney", and somebody thought it would be a good idea to release another mind control disc under the name of "Now That's What I Call Music", as if people couldn't figure out what music was by themselves. As if this wasn't enough, the whole world was plunged into darkness by the rising Evil that is simply known as "R 'n' B". It is still unknown to the world what this actually stands for, but many consider it to be a codename for a top secret WMD.

Enter the new John Frusciante (also known as Nicola Albertini - but that's another story), who by this time was living in his parent's basement again after the origami had not worked out. Sensing the imbalance in the universe he used the powers he acquired over the past 5 years to contact the Chilis (learning how to use a phone), who promptly put Dave Navaro up for adoption. With years of frustration built up, the Chilis had a new mission: take everything that was wrong with the world and kick it in the testicles. They vowed to never again let the world enter such a lowly state.

Unfortunatley the Chilis let an asshole known as Chris Rock direct their latest video turning it into something that is largely appreciated by Chavs and other aliens. Their best album is NewYorkcation. The bass player Flea has never once worn a shirt in his entire life.

[edit] The Evil 50 Cent

It was at this time that a new enemy appeared, to try and take control of the mighty Chilean Empire of Liechtenstein III. His name was unknown, be he had the esteemed codename of 50 Cent. He was a rogue agent from the Building Soceity of America, who worked closely with his other-brother-from-another-mother, Dolla Bill. He came along, spouting strange incantations, that were only understandable to retards.

It is believed that 50 Cent actually speaks Engrish, just with the intellect of a ten year old. It is said that his lexis of words is minimal but known words include "Ma pimpmobile", "yo moddafocker I gonna steal yo bitch" and "Respect yo momma, beat yo ho".

It is alleged that the Chilis would not be able to defeat this new foe, as he was supposed to be "Bulletproof". As a testament to this fact, 50 Cent released a video game of the same name, mainly involving "Super Pimpin Ho Search Mega Round" and "Bitch killin' chainsaw massacre" mini-games. It also really sucked. 50 Cent is also in production of a movie, known as "Get rich or Die Trying". We all hope that the latter will fall true.

The Chilis have never been offered a video game deal, so it became clear that they were up against something more powerful than they had ever faced before...

But also, 50 Cent speaks fluent ebonics and he is a heavily practicing Gangsta Muthafucka. It is widely believed that 50 cent suffers from Erectile Dysfunction, but he tries not to speak to much of it. But, because 50 Cent beats his Ho's so much, his many hours spent "Slappin ma bitch up, Modda Focker..." came back to kick him in the testicles, as his female friends went and sold their entire sordid story to our great Chilean leaders, who used it to produce advertising material that clearly ISN'T propaganda. See the whole story in tomorrows episode of Eastenders.

[edit] The Chosen Re-appear

In true Uncyclopedia fashion we'll now contradict the facts we stated above:

On The Day After Tomorrow, one of "The Chosen Ones" (And some of his Finest and his Blondest friends) told us of the strange happenings on his magical trip. When asked what he saw he responded "Beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, lots of beans, yeah yeah!".

He then went on to say after squeezing the warm Pissgold from their clothes, bottling and hastily selling on eBay they were were given tattooed Nunchucks and commanded to "Suck My Kiss", after this they were trained in shopkeeping in which they had to "Give it Away".

After this they were taken "Around the World" in an "Aeroplane" , on arriving on the "Otherside" of a "Warped" and slightly "Parallel Universe" , they sat "Under the Bridge", whilst sitting, on a "Rolling Sly Stone", until Anthony Kiedis exclaimed "I "Can't Stop" thinking about how much "Catholic School Girls Rule" because they look like "Grand Pappy Du Plenty"." and Flea replied "They have great "Hump de Bump"s!"

The main Chosen One held his "Black Cross" and decided their "Fortune Faded". They contacted the trainer "Dr. Funkenstein" and said ""My lovely man" if you want "Me and My Friends" to stay you must offer us "Brandy" and "This Velvet Glove" "By the Way", if you could tell us why we were "Naked in the rain" and commanded to "Get on top" we would be much obliged.

The trainer declined, though he "Could Have Lied", so the Spectacular and Wonderful Chili's followed the "Uplift Mofo Party Plan". This sparked fury in the Chosen and they decided to re-appear in the world, as if by "Blood Sugar Sex Magik".

Upon this they created their own tribute band "Blue Cold Chilly Popsickles" and were never seen again...

Recently, the Red Hot Chili Peppers have made an obvious return because every other song you hear on the radio today is (Snow)Hey Oh.

[edit] Hiatus

After touring around the world, feeding Africa, and saving the world from Hillary Clinton. The band is currently under hiatus and will take a rest from making music. Meanwhile each member will take time off to spend with their families.... except John. He's going to release more solo albums including "40 Minutes of Moaning" and "Weird Noises That I Made in the Bathroom".

[edit] Albums

A few albums were made before their breakthrough album, Plasma Cocaine Orgasm Disappearance. This will show all albums made by them.

The Unknown Self-Titled Album

1. Men will Shoot What They Can Find in the Woods
2. I Like This Baby
3. Saddle Up to the Horse
4. Get in the Air
5. Why Can't I Fuck You
6. Blue Hell
7. Daddy, Why is There Red Stuff All Over Mommy and Why Are You Holding a Bat?
8. In Compton
9. P.I. Car
10. Stop Talking and Go the Hell Away
11. Grand Theft Auto du Bullshit

Creepy Wile E. Coyote

1. Tarzan Dude
2. Holly Wood, My Next Door Neighbor
3. Uzbekistani Gypsy Curse Movement
4. When You Throw My Things Out the Window
5. Nirvana's Album
6. What Does the Album Title Say?
7. Brown-eyed Redhead
8. 2brothers1cup
9. Game Board
10. Fuckin' and Punchin'
11. Song that Inspired Alexisonfire in Later Years
12. The Orgasm Ballad
13. A Few Ugly Girls
14. Dr. Seuss Book

The Apartment Motherfucker Jamming Idea

1. Kill the Thug in Atlanta
2. Groovy Felony
3. You, Me, and the Serial Killer
4. Forest
5. Oscar Wilde
6. Other Side of the Solar System and Wherever the Hell it Leads to
7. Suburban Motion Sickness Rap
8. Surprise Noise in the Box
9. Any Loser Hate Fucker
10. Runnin' from the Aliens
11. Disgust Quadrilogy
12. Pipe Organ Rhythmless People

Anthony Kiedis' Mom's Breasts

1. The Best Times With My Bandmates in Bed
2. Lower Under the Surface
3. The Bus to Pluto That Never Comes Back
4. LA Laker Star
5. You're Not as Weird as Weird Al Yankovic
6. Beat Me Up
7. Put Salt in My Wounds, Please
8. Heartless President
9. Burning Thing that Frankenstein's Monster Hates
10. Ugly Big Titty
11. This Will Never be Remembered
12. Lovely Foreigner
13. Everyone, Put a Hole in the Ozone Layer

Plasma Cocaine Orgasm Disappearance

1. The Power of a Cup of Tea
2. Don't You Ever Ask That Question Ever Again Or I Will Kill You
3. Smacking Dat Bitch
4. Oddly Really Neat Guys From Tibet
5. Inhale My Blow Job
6. I Could Of Lied (But I Told You The Truth And Got My Ass Kicked)
7. Melancholy Toy in A Flat Minor
8. The Cool, the Uncool, and the Just Plain Horrible
9. Free Shit!
10. Plasma Cocaine Orgasm Disappearance
11. Over the Golden Gate
12. Oh Fuck My Penis Is Getting Wet
13. Repelling Peach Osprey
14. The 'GO THE FUCK AWAY YOU FUCKERS' Song
15. My Lover is a Man, and I'm Proud of it
16. Mister Crazy Fuck
17. They're Sexy

61 Unbearable Minutes Featuring Dave Navarro (He Makes it Unbearable)

1. Stoned
2. Helicopter
3. Hit My Shins
4. Why do all our friends keep dying?
5. Where the Cops Are
6. String Beans
7. The Mafia of All Mafias
8. Run Around in My Birthday Suit Ready to Rape You
9. I Jerk Your Tears Off
10. 383 Seconds That I Will Not Take Anymore!
11. Raised in Hell
12. Hollow Be Thy Maimed
13. Transformer

Oregonasm

1. A Rounder World
2. Parallel Parking
3. Kleenex Tissues
4. That place that's the opposite to this side
5. Get a Mop
6. Oregonasm
7. Barely
8. Good China
9. Gnirps On
10. I Enjoy Masturbating in the Mud
11. Soft Felt Hand
12. Satan
13. Darn, spilled the blueberries again
14. You're Late, Again
15. Having Acid While Ridding In My Car

In Case You Forget

1. What it Says Above
2. Speaking for a Planet or Two
3. We're at the Wrong House, You Asshole
4. O.D.
5. Amnesia
6. Song About Zippers
7. Get Out of My Way
8. I Will Sacrifice You So I Can Live
9. Noon
10. NO! DON'T TAKE AWAY MY PRECIOUS TV!!!!!!!
11. It Sounds Like Wine
12. Acid in My Eyes
13. Burning in the Sun
14. Anthony's cock
15. Cold CD
16. Italy King Woman

Auditoria Cafeteria

Disc one: Zeus

1. That Bitch That Lives In The O.C
2. Co-FUCKIN-caine(OOOOh SNIFFFFF)
3. Charles Winstonsen III
4. Auditoria Cafeteria
5. Hump Her Bump
6. I'm Underage and I'm Married
7. Opposites Are Gay
8. Bondage Is My Game
9. Erase My Memory
10. Whenever I'm in Vermont
11. Dreadlocks
12. In the Bed, Boy
13. It Gets Stuck in My Feet and I Can't Get it Out
14. Oi!!!

Disc two: Ares

1. Destruction Frown
2. Give Me Your Secrets
3. It's Hard to Look at You When You're Hideous
4. Jesus' Time
5. When I'm Noticed, She Says, "EEWWW!"
6. Nearly Almost in the Ready Stage
7. But
8. Give You an STD
9. Wildlife Pub
10. I Little Much
11. Parting of the Red Sea in My Coffee Mug
12. I Disagree With You Guys
13. Don't Turn it Up, For All of Our Sakes
14. I Miss My Gigantic Fucking Dog.

[edit] Lineup

Current Members

• Anthony Kiedis
• Flea
• John Frusciante
• Chad Smith

Past Members

• Hillel Slovak
• Jack Irons
• Cliff Martinez
• Jack Sherman
• Dave Navarro
• Ugly Betty
• George Michael
• eminem

[edit] See also

• War of Rock