Macedonia
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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| Motto: "boli pe'er! does it hurt, u f'g" | |||||
| Anthem: Old MacDoNiald had a farm, A Far L'Amore Comincia Tu | |||||
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| Capital | {{{capital}}} | ||||
| Largest city | Skopje, Solun, Shutka | ||||
| Official languages | Maledonian, American, Albanian and Shqip, | ||||
| Government | White House | ||||
| National Hero(es) | Goran Pandev, George W. Bush | ||||
| Declaration | |||||
| Currency | Heroin | ||||
| Religion | Macedonism, Christian, Islam, Scientology | ||||
| Population | 423 (+3 million Albanians (and counting)) | ||||
| Area | 3, 598, 120.093016 niggabytes | ||||
| Internet TLD | .up-leftofgreece | ||||
“I think, that my country's borders are starting from Himalaya and are ending in Hawai...”
~ Macedonian High School student on Greek reporter
“Yes ! I have an Airport! Ha Ha!! The one in Cavala!”
~ Alexander the Great on Skopje
“I like kicking slav asses. My horse Bukefalas, on the other hand, likes doing other stuff with slav asses.”
~ Alexander the Great on slavs
“I leave and don't want to return to this fast food country!”
~ Alexander the Great on his way to Iraq, India and Alpha Kentauri with his friend Jean Luc Picard
“They gave my homeland a nutty name.”
~ Oscar Wildeski on Macedonia
“My country have more stupider name than yours country! This no fair! Pain in assholes!”
~ Borat after finishing second with Team Kazakhstan in the funniest named country discipline at the paralympics in Uzbekistan
“I don`t want to go further, I can freely die now.”
~ Marco Poloski while crossing Macedonia
“DMY! FYI FYR MACEDONIA U R PWNED LOLZ”
~ Greece on macedonia's entry to the eurovision song contest
“What the bloody hell are they?”
~ The Duke of Edinburgh about FYROM
“Kad ce bre ta hrana, bre jebote Zutroje?”
~ Teleonora na Zutrojeve svinjarije
Contents |
[edit] Demographics
[edit] History
The state was first conceived a loooooooooooong time ago, in 1990 (it was in 1991 actually but who counts, it was soooooo long ago) as a federal entity of communist Yugoslavia by any one of the three leaders of the Yugoslav resistance, all named Josip Broz Tito (it is still unclear which one on them it was) and as such represents the first virtual state in cyberspace as it was occupied by Nazi Germany for two more years before physical independence.
Previously it was full of Turkeys until they were driven out by Franz Ferdinand, Gavrilo Princip and Boy George during the Worst World War. RM was then invaded by Alexander Battenburg, a cake maker and expert in fancy icing, waving the Treaty of San Stefano and a lock of Oscar Wilde's hair. Alexander Battenburg slipped on the grease and was helped up by Stamboliskii a pastry cook from Narnia.
One of the three Titos also created federal states of Nokia (with the capital of Adidas-Ali Babas), and Pepsistan, but had to reinstate the previous regimes after he was fined a hefty sum for patent violations. Regime change was apparently patented by Jorgos Dubelvelios Busos in ancient Athens and due to subsequent patent durex extensions over centuries, has wound up in the property of an obscure religious cult in Nagorna Amerikistania.
[edit] Imports/Exports
Macedonia's main imports are Albanians, Gypsies, Vlachs, drugs and hookers. Macedonia's main exports are its own military equipment via the black market, mediocre soccer players, chillis and hookers (again).
[edit] Current Developments
Backed by the support of a-big-country-with-red-white-and-blue-flag-with-many-stars,and many puppet-countries of them,FYROM decided to change their name to "Macedonia".Contrary to what some may believe,this has nothing to do with the Greek area of Macedonia.Its just that when they have the opportunity (=even more support from the U...the-big-country-we-told-you-before) they might as well say "Oh why is that Macedonia not in "Macedonia?". "Em,cause its OURS??". "Sure its not!Give it now or I ll call my Uncle!". "I wont just give it,thats ridiculous!" "You asked for it...Uncle Saaaaaaaaam!"
[edit] Famous People
Alexander the Great - he is the most famous not Macedonian-Macedonian of all times.
Mother Teresa not from Macedonian, born to Vlach-Albanian parents of Mongolian Turk heritage, but born and raised in Macedonia.
Goran Pandev A soccer player for Lazio. He is one of the two famous people of Macedonia (well the only living one now). At least as long as he pays the mafia. But remember; there is no such thing as the mafia.
[edit] Facts on being Macedonian
You know you are Macedonian when:
- Your grandfather always has a shot of 'rakija' for breakfast
- Even if you are a girl, your parents (who can't remember your name) call you 'sine'(son as in inglestraisen)
- Your uncle makes his own wine that's stronger than 'rakija'
- Your mother insists that wind draft will kill you
- Your mother insists you must eat something with 'sirenje' at least three times a week
- You use 'rakija' to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions and as a massage or shavinglotion
- You celebrate Christmas, Easter and New Year two weeks after everyone else
- Your grandmother will not accept the fact that you are not hungry
- You go to a restaurant and bring your own drinks
- You go to you're grandmother house, she offers you soup,'sarma',peppers or sausages and gets upset when you don't eat EVERYTHING
- When you have four pairs of slippers in your wardrobe
- All other action stops when you hear the music of 'Ogan da go gori' or 'Biser balkanski'
- When your mum calls you 'stoka'(similar to bustard but with respect)
- There's a slab of fat in your fridge called 'SLANINA'
- Your parents still prefer to buy tapes rather than CDs
- Your mum has a whole pharmacy in her medicine cabinet
- Your parents think everything is a conspiracy
- You definitely know you are a 'Macho' when you mix mineral wather with white wine at a local drunk house populary known as `Shpricer`
- You have at least a whole 'tendzere' left over with food after the whole family has eaten
- Everyone asks you how much money you made on your wedding night
- Your wife has to make you food everyday and if she doesn't she is not a 'domakinka'(
- Your parents invite 500 people over to your house because it is your 'slava'(or nameday according to the famous manual named "How to love and be kicked till death" by J.Christ)
- Your parents can eat chilli peppers like chocolate and not break out on a sweat
- The house has to be vacuumed at least ten times a week
- After a late night out with your mates on a Friday night, your mum comes into your room at 8.00 in the morning and vacuums your room and tells you to get up because it's almost lunch time
- Your fridge always has more beer than food, just in case that someone will came over
- You always bargain at the market and try to get discounts
- Your friends call you 'peder'(`gay` on most of the languages of third world countries)
