Ricer

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FACTS DETECTED

“Who leaked the factual info? To resolve this, I need to call Bob and Dennis and have them fix it.”

~ Shawn Green on facts while with the Los Angeles Dodgers

For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about Ricer.

“My Saturn would go a lot faster if it had a spoiler and a sticker on it. ”

~ Ricer on "SOUPING UP" or "PIMPING" their "RIDES".

“For shits and giggles, someone should introduce ricers to the Gluhareff Pressure Jet Engine. These engines, while the most efficient type of practical compression ignition engine so far developed, have the interesting characteristics that most are home built and that they run on coal, a remarkably volatile fuel. Taking into account the mechanical skills and common sense of the average ricer, the results should be rather entertaining from a safe distance.”

~ Michael Schumacher on How to make use of a Ricer

A common ricer with the double exhaust and enormous rear wing. Believed to give large amounts of engine power.

Ricers are a stupid bunch of young idiots who decide they are car experts after watching The Fast and the Furious, Pimp My Ride and playing Need For Speed Underground. They then try "SOUPING UP" or "PIMPING" their "RIDES".

This has no relation to making soup which probably tastes nicer than ricers (and is undeniably infinitely more useful) but there might be a connection between SOUP BOXES and the material they use for making body-kits.

[edit] Ricer Philosophy

Ricers have many different tastes but in general they operate by the following philosophy:

NEONS, BODY-KITS, FART CANS AND CHROME MAKE THE CAR FASTER, AND WILL HELP US GET LAID BY PREPS.

[edit] What is a Ricer?

Before a Ricer got this car: A respectable AE86 Tureno. Afterwards: Please euthanize this car to put it out of its misery.

The word “Ricer” is used chiefly as a noun to describe the driver of the said car, although it is sometimes used to describe the car itself. Variations of this usage include ricer (both vehicle and driver), rice car, rice cooker, rice mobile, 'rice rocket, and the most common fucking ricer idiot loser.

A Ricer’s car is an automobile that has been cheaply modified to give the impression of high performance, but does not necessarily have any high-performance capabilities. They usually do this by buying typically (but not necessarily) cheap Japanese Import cars (hence the term “Rice”), and then installing as many “cool” visual modifications on their cars as they possibly can, without any regard to practicality, cost, style or taste. As opposed to car enthusiasts that modify and enhance the appearance of their cars, ricers don't usually care what they install, so style and quality is not an issue here. Often, these “modifications” end up costing so much that they ironically could have used that money to actually buy a better car.

Ricers have a tendency to tell REAL car enthusiasts that their cars don't look fast enough to beat theirs (LOOK, being the operative word). They tend to see themselves as able tuners of the motor racing world as they try to modify their cars by themselves and believe professional advice or help is useless since "The Fast And The Furious" taught them everything.

They have a strong desire to spend hundreds upon thousands of dollars on unnecessary body-kits, chrome rims, fart cans, televisions and wings(spoilers) to their cars. Yet they will try to dismantle and destroy the rear seats, side panels etc and say it's to reduce weight. Most outstanding is the fact that in actuality they spend almost no money on upgrades to the engine, transmission, or anything else that really might make the car faster.

Ricers are also typically people who actually know very little if not nothing at all about the mechanics of cars. Hence they will often make poor installations of their said “modifications”, by doing things like putting wings on front wheel drive cars, even though it increases drag and decreases traction, making the car hazardous to drive at high speeds, painting it wild, eye burning neon colours with flames up the side of their cars that only serve to make the car look like a children’s toy, installing monstrous tachometers into a car which has automatic transmission, wasting money on atrocious body kits when they could've spent half of it lowering their car to improve handling, and so on.

[edit] Common Cars Used By Ricers

The Subaru Impreza is a very popular car amongst ricers. The license plate on this one just about sums them up.

Depending on the "RICE FACTOR" they use different cars. The rice factor is a way of rating how RICE that person may be out of 100. The higher the number, the more rice the person is for buying that car. The Car itself is not what makes a ricer, but what the ricer does to the said car. (note: the car is not rated just the person who riced it out.)

AMC Pacer or Gremlin 90 - 100

Citroen Saxo - 100-110

Honda Accord (any year) - 90-100

Honda Civic (any year) - off the hook crazy numbers that the ricers can't count to.

Honda CRX (any year) - 80-85

Mitsubishi Eclipse (1995 - 2005) - 85-95

Mitsubishi Lancer (1990 - 2006) - 90-100

Nissan 240SX (1989-1998) - 90-95

Nissan Skyline R32 (non 4WD versions) - 70

Peugeot 906 - 60-70

Subaru WRX (comes pre-riced from the lot) - 75

Toyota Camry (Any year) - 40-45

Toyota Celica (1990-2003) - 90-110

Toyota Corolla (19xx-1999) - 45-50

Vauxhall Novas (80-99) - 30 ( 50 if a Chav )

VW Beatle (19xx-1999) - 45-50

[edit] Common "MODIFICATIONS" Used By Ricers

What ricers believe they are doing when they put their "mods" on.

[edit] Spoilers and Bodykits

• A 20' spoiler; which most of the time are shaped in such a way that they don't produce any down-force so are just there for "looks".
• A body kit that is installed in belief that it will increase engine power because of playing racing GAMES.
• White unpainted body kits clearly a different color than the vehicle (the material body kits are made out of is white)
• Spinning Chrome Hubcaps
• Chrome strips around the edges of the car

[edit] Gauges

• Dinosauric-in-size tachometers with massive shift lights on the dash of cars with automatic transmissions. The light comes on around redline (a.k.a. max power), indicating the proper power band into which to dump the transmission into 'D'
• Tachometers that go up to an enormous amount of RPM (e.g. around 11000rpm), even though their cars can only go up to around 4500rpm when opened up all the way.
• Boost gauge attached to the A-pillar with double sided tape, with the vac lines hooked up to nothing because there is no turbo...yet
• Huge bright blinking shift lights, you know, just in case you forgot that you have to shift to drive.

[edit] Visual

• Neon lights under the car
• So much chrome it can blind the blind
• Toyota Superbird-style clear tail-lights
• Disgusting paint jobs.
• Stickers and decals depicting brands and devices in no way related to the car (i.e. Nismo stickers on a Mitsubishi, VTEC stickers/badges on clearly non-VTEC car, type R stickers on Mustangs)
• Slapping large Japanese stickers on the side for added HP.
• Stickers under the mirrors advertising parts clearly unequipped on the vehicle (Garrett/Greddy/etc turbo stickers, Eibach Racing Springs on simply cut stock springs etc)
• Double wiper blades in the summer or on location of a country that gets no hard rain during any time of the year
• Bright painted grills, rims, stock spoilers, trims, wipers and other parts.

[edit] Audio/Video

• Faulty wiring on sound systems
• A flat screen TV near subwoofers
• Flat Screen Televisions on the back of the front seats, even though they have removed the back seats
• Spending 5 times the value of the base car on speakers
• Having a sound system that sounds like junk only because it looks "cool"

[edit] *ahem* "Practical"

"VTEC just kicked in, yo." A Ricer commenting on his cars "VTEC", even though he does not know what it actually is, or if his car even has it.

• Suspension springs cut to have a lowered look (note: lowering the car PROPERLY does help in a way of stability, but by no means should anyone cut springs for it is utter stupidity to do so)
• Putting High Grip and thick rubber tyres on the rear wheels even though the car is a Front Wheel Drive.
• Claim that the wing on the back help the rear wheels track better on a front wheel drive car.
• Enormous XZZZOOORRRZZZZZTZZZ (a.k.a. FART PIPE) that are just noise machines (louder than a jackhammer)
• Secondary exhaust tip not connected to the exhaust system
• Nitrous bottles that aren't connected to the actual engine
• Many buttons and switches that do absolutely nothing
• Air filter, added in the belief that it will add 50BHP.
• Black painted panels that they say is carbon fiber, though clearly they aren't
• Spending 40-50 bucks on every oil change by buying synthetic oil and quality oil filter for their riced cars, hoping that it'll lubricate their engine parts and car will be twice faster when all it does is just prevents your car parts from corroding, wearing, and just lubricates moving parts to run your car smooth.
• While technically not a modification, every Ricer believes that their car has VTEC. VTEC is a variable valve timing system developed by Honda. Though it merely retains peak efficiency of the engine throughout its rev range, the common ricer believes it gives them an instant power boost, much like a turbo. Even ricers of cars other than Hondas believe that VTEC exists in their engine. (VTEC is same thing as tall cams however they "turn on" during high rpms)

[edit] Ricer Behaviour

A typical British version of the ricer. Anyone with an IQ over 10 would be embarrassed to be seen in this, ahem, 'car'.

Most ricers do these activities when they get together. (Note: they have a phobia of corners and anything helm or hemi-related)

[edit] Racing

• Spilling oil, petrol on the ground and doing burnouts. (waste of rubber and oil that is already scarce in this earth of ours.)
• Accelerating on any piece of straight road but not actually gaining much speed.
• Attempting to drift by pulling the hand-brake in a Civic.
• Show up to a drag racing meet and talk like they are regulars.
• Get completely and utterly pwned by real drag racers.
• Giving the most ridiculous excuses for being beat in a race (i.e. Their ECU chip has a virus, therefore, the car cannot drive as fast as it should.)

[edit] Intimidation and Impersonation

• Having one hand on the steering wheel and one hand on the shifter (sometimes even when the car is automatic) and TRY to look imposing.
• Arrogant revving at stop lights to try intimidate near by drivers.
• Showing off their large exhaust pipes by putting the car into neutral while accelerating. (note: most people call their exhausts FART CANS for they sound like shit and make it seem like the engine is choking on something… most likely a poor attempt at installing a pod filter thinking it will add 50 horsepower.)
• Talking about their slotted disc brakes and how good the braking is....even though the slots don't really do anything but help the wear on the brakes destroy the brake setup. (Correction Slots and the holes on brakes DO work. The slots remove moisture (rain from road) and holes help cool the rotor however should only be used in real racing, not on the street unless replacing brake pads every 2 months is normal for you)
• Complementing the paint job on brake calipers, "yo that painted rust looks TIGHT."
• They point out their low profile tires like it has a lot of grip.
• They avoid hills and speed-bumps because they have lowered their car to such an insane degree that they can't go up them.
• When talking about cars, they use very vague and general terms to try and hide the fact that they don't know what they are talking about. For example, when talking about what's "under the cars hood" they will describe it by saying how many "G's" it cost, because they really have no idea what is going on in there.
• Believing and obtaining knowledge about cars from every propaganda that aftermarket car part products say in the description of their product.

[edit] Acting "cool"

• Telling their mothers to buy them Civics so they can be 'in'.
• Talking to their girlfriends (What girlfriends?) and friends like they know something about cars.
• Trying to talk "street" by using funny sounding words they heard off rap CD's and throwing their arms around in weird gestures, oblivious to the fact everyone thinks they look like idiots.
• General poser behaviour.
• And they use the spoiler to push the 10+ year old car that breaks down because it was setup wrong by a complete idiot, while their fag friends tape every minute of it.

[edit] Where They Meet

They meet at gas stations and cinema car parks, most likely because they feel the need to act like street racers after watching Pimp My Ride, The Fast And The Furious or some sort of show that tells them to do so.

At these meetings they do what a lot of ricers do, talk about their cars like the body-kit on that Corolla DX just gave that guy a 30 horsepower boost.

Here are some examples on ricer talk:

[edit] Ricer Talk

Example A

At some car park

Ricer 1 - "Look at those chromes bro."

Ricer 2 - "I bet those are light weight"

Ricer 1 - "Must be, chromes are the lightest thing on the freakin market!"

Example B

Another Car park

Ricer 3 - "Just by looking at that wing, I'm sure he has at least 10 freakin grand under that hood."

Ricer 4 - "He also has a NOS AND an NX sticker, he must have two separate systems!"

Ricer 3 and 4 - "WHOOOAAAA...."

Example C

At yet another location

Ricer 5 - "My civic is the fastest thing around this neighborhood."

Ricer 6 - "2 Gs says I can beat you to the police station."

Ricer 5 - "What makes you say that?"

Ricer 6 - "I converted my B16 engine in my civic to a rota! (Rotary or Wankel is the proper term but ricers are too stupid to even tell differences between different types of rotary engines, so I shouldn't even be bothering to explain)

Ricer 5 - "OMG! STFU ARE YOU KIDDING?"

Real Car Enthusiast - "What type of rotary?"

Ricer 6 - "You know, ROTA! Jeez don't you know anything about cars?"

Example D

At A Gas Station

Ricer 7 - Check my new intercooler!

Ricer 8 - Whoa coolz!

Real Car Enthusiast - Where the hell's the turbo?

Ricer 7 - You don't need to have a turbo to have an intercooler! What a freakin dumbass...

Example E

At a race circuit a ricer just lost against a Real Car Enthusiast:

Ricer 9 - You only beat me cauze yooo have freakin turbo!

Real Car Enthusiast - My car is naturally aspirated....

Ricer 9 - That's what they all say... (Has no idea what that guy just said.)

Example F

In a living room

Ricer 10 - Oh bro, check out da chromes, Chingy styles!

Ricer 11 - Yea, damn straight, they added a forced induction kit to the 240 SuX.

Ricer 10 - Yea...(blanking out confused)

Ricer 11 – That’s when dey chuck induction by force, into the VTEC DOHC twin B13 rota.

Ricer 10 - Eh? I betta get me some of dat shiet!

Both leave room, putting down Classical Cars magazine.

Example G

A Ricer is showing his car to a Real Car Enthusiast

Ricer 12 - Yo man! Check out my ride! It's got every single freakin mod you can think of on it!

Real Car Enthusiast - Oh really...?

Ricer 12 - Yo! If da modz been made it's on my freakin ride foo!

Real Car Enthusiast - Hmmm. Yes... Tell me, does it have a DMX 120 Interloper on it?

Ricer 12 - Errr... No I don't have one of those yet, but I'm thinking 'bout it yo!

Real Car Enthusiast - I just made that up you moron.

Example H

A Ricer is being loud and low brow at a gas station, trying to pick a fight with you because you don't want to race him.

Ricer 13 - What up dog, you got one of them F14 motors in your civic?

Me - No, this has a d15b7. About 90HP to the wheels.

Ricer 13 - Oh, snap, dog! You gotz to be sprayin the shit out of it at 30 psi, you can waste a new ZO6 (Which has 510 BHP, 456 pounds of tourqe and does 0-60 in 3.8 seconds.)

Me - No, Its just my daily commute. Its entertaining enough to drive as is, I don't want to break any stock internals

Ricer 13 - (Confused look) Shit, dog, You gotz to slam and spray that bitch put quad turbos on it too, cuz I went to UTI and they taught me all that cool shit!

Me - I went to UTI also, but instead of fucking around in the halls on my cellphone, I paid attention in class. I'm now master ASE certified and I'm also a silver level Honda technician. And when I save enough money, I'll buy a car that is scalable and easy to modify, instead of dumping 20 grand into my 12 year old rusty old shitbox, so I can sell it for 2 grand in a year or so.

Ricer 13 - Aw, snap. You just gotz to get wit it, I've blown up more rides than you'll ever own.

Me - Are you bragging or complaining? Please go kill yourself. You are a leech on society.

Example I

The situation: Ricers often believe that, while their cars are obviously superior to anything on the road, it would be nice to have a more recognizable car (I.E. a Hero Car from the F&F.) Thus, whenever presented with a situation to purchase one, they will attempt to, out of the goodness of their hearts, trade their "completed masterpiece" to someone in order to "spread the love."

The Ricer approaches APU Supra at informal meet:

Ricer - Yo dawg! That twin turbo supra with the 2JZ is off da hook!

Supra Owner - Actually, I converted to a single turbo kit. I'm putting down about 1000 rwhp no spray.

Ricer - Yo dawg...what'd you do that for??? With parts overnighted from Japan and a couplea bottles of Nawz, you should be running 9's in no time. But I'll tell you what. My Integra over there is sitting on 22's with a B18 swap and she's making about 1200 rwhp no nawz, and I'm thinking about throwing a turbo in there. I'll trade you straight up. My teg for your supra. I'll even let you keep the wing, even though it would look great on the supra.

Supra Owner - Please go jizz on your poster of Paul Walker. My turbo cost more than your entire car.

Example J

Ricer commenting on the Ferrari-Shell commercial on YouTube

Ricer - All dat money for this unimpressive slow crap. (Obviously has never seen a Formula One car at race speed, and a single bolt on the F1 car is probably worth more than his entire car , before he even got his hands on it)

Real Car Enthusiast - Slow crap? So I bet your Civic with glasspacks and a rear wing can do better?

Example K

White guy wearing fitted hat sideways - Holla, ey yo mane did u check out dat Fast n Furious movie, ey yo ide fucks wit that man that movie was beyond tight, especially da part where it showed Vin Diesels car inside the engine all 3-d n' shit when he pressed his NAS button n' fire was all up in that shit!

Real Car Enthusiast - I saw that man, too bad the movie showed the engine with Camshafts and Pistons when in reality the car Vin Diesel was driving was and RX-7 and everyone knows those have rotary engines and it's not possible for it to have pistons....

White guy wearing fitted hat sidways- (bewildered) Whats a rotary yo?

A Spot The Rice Game!

[edit] Other Quotes From Ricers

“Man who da frick cares if I coulda buyed a Bugatti Veyron wit da green I spendin on my Civic, damn dis THANG is freakin tight, bro!”

~ A ricer on the fact that he could have bought a Bugatti Veyron (or $1,500,000 worth of other cars) with the money he has spent on his car

“Man dose damn piece a shit Italian cars Pagani or whatever da fuck, dey ain't worth freakin shit bro!”

~ A ricer on cars that anyone with an IQ over 10 wants

“Where da frick are da body kits? Bro dese games freakin suck, man”

~ A ricer on the Gran Turismo Racing series

“Ten out a ten, man, freakin awesome!”

~ A ricer on the Fast and the Furious

“Yo, bruh!”

~ A ricer on meeting a black person

Notice words such as "bro", "man", "freakin", "wit", "thang", "green" and "da". This is because every single ricer is a wigger. And guess what-they suck at acting like black people, which is no surprise as be because ricers can't accomplish anything they attempt.

[edit] How Ricers Spread

You should also note to yourself that ricers have since been brainwashing little kiddies by movies, games and TV shows that show that ricers are cool... THEY'RE NOT! These are some of the brands that have been slowly and successfully been spreading the ricer way of life:

• The Fast And The Furious Series: Remember kids, shifting up gears at random moments and flames coming out of you exhaust pipe means you're going very fast; Those cars must have in excess of 13 gears. Most likely taken from a Semi truck.

• Need For Speed Underground series: Body-kits, neons and wings get you on magazines and hot babes start flocking to you.

• Pimp My Ride: Candy paint jobs and TVs where you can't see them are cool; like under the car, by the spare tire.

[edit] Moral of the Story

Well you should have figured out by now that ricers suck - they waste gas, rubber and other products that could have been used by some hobo or given to a recycling center. Yes, ricers are arrogant, idiotic fools that Mr. T would not bother to pity.

Although you should pity their cars for those cars could have had a better purpose in everyday use or modified by proper car enthusiasts and not look so shitty.

If you are 17, and you find yourself in a Civic, remember that it is an A-B car. If you want a fast car, wait a few years and get a proper one - don't waste your money modifying a Civic.

[edit] Sub-Articles

[edit] The Ricer Test

[edit] YOU MIGHT ALSO BE A RICE BOY IF ...

[edit] See Also

• Nitrous
• Teenagers
• Chav