Richard

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RICHARD FAIR DO'S IS AMAZIN CUDNT BE ANY BETTER

The Richard, not to be mistaken with dick. More commonly found in the woodlands of Northern Antarctica (Or Hafod In Swansea), the Richard is often wearing a dark coat to confuse the Hell out of other animals so they are easier to catch. Animals that are attacked by a Richard are killed within seconds of realizing it has encountered one. The remains of these animals are rarely recognizable (if any are left). Usually the only way to identify what it was that was attacked was through DNA testing of whatever tissues are left. Since this costs money, it is rarely done.

[edit] Habitat and Lifestyle

This is the last thing you see if you are attacked by a Richard. This was taken from some dead guy's camera.

If you encounter a Richard in the wild, do not try to approach it as they can be very aggressive if they feel threatened. Instead walk away slowly because it is normally to fat to run or even walk. If the Richard follows you, the best thing to do is to shout at it so it nows your not a big mac with fries. A Richard often has poor eyesight(thats why they wear glasses) and that makes it difficult for one to tell the difference between a bic mac with fries and a person. Watching a Richard try to pull a fit bird is very amusing to watch, but be careful, you may fall while you are laughing, if this happens, you are screwed. If in the rare chance one succeeds to pull it will most likely pull a ginger bird with no good looks, it is considered acceptable to piss your pants and cry with laughter as no one will see you and you will end up deformed so badly that no one will know who you are, anyway. It is said that when a Richard gets ready to attack, the lighting around the area changes to a reddish color. There is no explanation for this as no one has survived being sat on by a Richard. HOLY SHITTT!

[edit] Where To Find A Richard

Although due to their size Richard's are easily spotted, but can usually find a Richard in you're local MacDonalds, Greggs or Chip Shop. A Richard is known to spend 2 to 20 hours in any one of these places before moving on to another, once all edible substances have been consumed. The Richard's are an endangered species due to the new Richard hunts all over the world, so they are becoming rarer by the day. Common features of a Richard include fattness and receding hairline, if you require more information on recodnising a Richard go to www.herecomesRichard.com. When Richard's are not in any of these places described above (or any other fast food resturant), then you'll find find them sleeping in an alley or doorway close by. Keep in mind if you do find a sleeping Richard, DO NOT atempt to wake them, when irritated they can give off fatal flatulation. When not on a killing rampage, sleeping, or eating, the Richard is addicted to World of Warcraft

[edit] Endangerment

For reasons which I shouldn't really say(no sex), the Richard is an endangered species.Also the marks like to pick on Richards because they are ugly and dumb.Many believe the Richard is dying out due to a lack of masturbation in Antarctica, this is just a theory and there is little evidence to support it. Others believe that it could be because there are no other ugly creatures for it to muff dive with, thus leading to a lack of babies for it to mate with. This theory was introduced by a man with the name mark. There have been no studies to support or disprove any of these theories, and people just accept the fact that the species is endangered

Another theory to the endangerment of the Richard has been around for a while. Many believe the Richard is dying out due to a lack of marijuana in Antarctica, this is just a theory and there is little evidence to support it. Others believe that it could be because there are no kittens for it to huff, thus leading to a lack of souls for it to live off of. This theory was introduced by a man with the name

[edit] Famous Richards

[edit] Richard I

Known as "the Lionheart" because Dragonheart had already been used elsewhere, Richard I is the world's most famous French speaking English icon. He also bears an uncanny resemblance to British actor Sean Connery.

[edit] Richard II

As with most sequals Richard II is considered the poor relation to the original offering. Sean Connery was unable to appear, and the only available actor was the same guy who played Quasimodo.

[edit] Richard of LFG

An undead Warlock who willfully sows destruction without any provocation whatsoever, Richard is often described by others as manipulative, powerful, and exceedingly evil which is reflected in the numerous titles that he has collected over time which include “Chief Warlock of the Brothers of Darkness”, “Lord of the Thirteen Hells”, “Master of the Bones”, “Emperor of the Black”, “Lord of the Undead”, and mayor of a little village up the coast which he describes as "quite scenic in spring". Like other Richards he is extremely violent and can sustain serious injuries without dying or even experiencing pain.