Rick James
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Rick James was born on the 1st of Feburary, 0 BC. He was born of the virgin Joseph, and was thus, shunned brother of Jesus Christ. He vowed to one day write a Bible that would outsell his brother's Bible. He knew that he would have to get some help with this, so he got together with his buddies, Nobody and Nuff, who helped to make up stories to put into a book to base a religion on. Much like the Nippleites did when creating Nippleism.
A devout Jedi, he often had trouble with the Sith, who would often come around to his barn for parties, but would then trash the barn, after drinking all of the water that had been turned into wine by Jesus, after Rick bribed him with Pokemon Trading Cards. Rick did very little but write for a few years, completing the first chapter after four years of hard work. He then gave up his life and finished the his Bible with the words "I'm Rick James, Bitch!" Then, he, Nobody and Nuff travelled into the future, where Rick found himself as a somewhat accomplished songwriter. He began to sell his Bible, which he named The Better Bible, which gained interest quickly, and soon became a best-seller, second only to the 22nd installment of Harry Potter.
It was at this point in his life that Nobody introduced cocaine to Rick. Cocaine aided Rick the same way that invading the Soviet Union aided Hitler; not much. He went on living his life, with the sales of his Bible increasing all the while. He then died on the 222nd anniversary of the New Year's Eve pie-eating competition, Rick died after attempting to eat a pie made entirely out of cocaine. He succeeded. Thus ended the life of poet, and B-grade actor, Rick James.
[edit] Facts you may not have known about Rick James
- He can count to five, thus he came up with the answer to the question that has plagued man-kind for eternity: 'What did the five fingers say to the face?' The answer is slap. This had been discovered by Nuff, but being the supreme ruler of the internet, he refused to release this information to anyone, bar Oscar Wilde.
- He had a cocaine addiction until, in recent years, he has become dead, which has stopped his cocaine addiction, much the relief of friends and family.
- He was out cold in that Conan movie , getting all baked & turning into a snake !
- Nobody thinks that Rick James was more popular in life than he was in death. But he was. So you're all wrong. Now you must perish in the blessed flames of death's sweet embrace.
- Most white people had never heard of Rick James until Dave Chappele slapped Eddie Murphy's brother... what was his name again?
In Rick James' life he loved nothing more than doing a line of cocaine and slapping the shit out of Charlie Murphy! I knew Rick James, he had sex with my mom, sister, and my brother?... But what were Rick James real talents?... he was a great songwriter who liked pooney, but he also loved snorting, eating, and wearing cocaine. He also enjoyed punching babies when he was upset, and nothing made his day more then slapping a girl in the cooter (axe wound) there is a rumor Rick James had a mangina which is a penis and vagina all in one unit, well it is one hundred percent true, he had a buldge and a camel toe at the same time... he also enjoyed going to Home Depot and picking up illegal imagrants to choke him while he showered
[edit] Cocaine
Cocaine is one hell of a drug! Hehehe... Rick James had a secret cocaine addiction, which had an impact on his entire life, slowly increasing the sales of his Bible, which was good news for Nobody, because Rick and Nobody were quite good friends, and had been very close ever since Rick's addiction started. Many believe that Nobody started Rick's addiction, amongst the beleivers is friend to Nobody, and kisser of George Bush's anus, John Howard. John and Rick never met each other, but Nobody had tried to introduce them a number of times. At one stage, Nobody attempted to introduce John Howard to cocaine, but he replied
“No, I'd rather have brown on my nose than white.”
~ John Howard on cocaine on Guns
This is partially the reason that John thinks that Nobody introduced Rick to cocaine.
