Rihanna
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“In Soviet Russia, umbrella stands under YOU!!”
~ Russian Reversal on Rihanna
Rihanna is an alien princess and pop singer from Barbados. Her friends refer to her as "Rihalien". She is singlehandedly responsible for annoying everyone in the entire world with her smash summer hit, "Umbrella", and also responsible for having the most copied haircut of 2007. Which she stole from canadian rocker Fefe Dobson.
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[edit] Early Life
Rihanna was secretly born on an unknown magical alien planet, but states she was born in Barbados. She attended special ed classes at Charles F. Broome Memorial School, then at 15 achieved her big break. A young scientist named Dr. Jason Zimmerman, or Jay-Z for short, attended one of the talent shows put on by the school. He had been searching the world for a pop singer to participate in his secret experiment to see how many people he could torture with music alone. When he saw Rihanna perform Mariah Carey's song "Hero", he knew he had found his singer. So he roguely stole her from Ronald and Monica and together they swam the Pacific Ocean and entered the United States illegally. Jay-Z then disguised himself as a streetwise music producer and started his own record label, Def Jam records. Rihanna was signed to the label and was a huge success. The two had been good friends, but once the fame got to her head, she ditched Jay-Z for her new Hollywood friends. And after Rihanna stopped returning his calls, texts, emails, IMs, and gifts made out of his own hair, he killed himself in the most painful way he could think of: he listened to a whole Nickelback album.
[edit] Music
Rihanna's music, best described as a pop-R&B-Caribbean-infused hybrid, is loved by many people. The same people, in fact, that like tangerine lip gloss, jumpsuits, and Tom Sizemore.
Her single "S.O.S" was a rip-off of "Tainted Love", but not only that, it gave sea captains a fun (not to mention gay) way to send an S.O.S signal when encountering danger at sea. But it was undoubtedly the single "Umbrella" that took the world by storm. LOL. Umbrella, storm. Get it? The song was written by Satan, who personally recorded a backmasked message into it, which may be responsible for the single's success. Her other singles include "Shut Up, Put The Bottle Down, And Drive" (which was later renamed "Shut Up And Give Me The Keys") and "Untalented" which was later changed to "Unfaithful".
[edit] Love Life
[edit] Hobbies
When not performing or creating music or making appearances dressed to the nines on red carpets, Rihanna is an enthusiast of Xbox Live. In an interview with Seventeen magazine, she said, "Yeah, I'm really into Medal of Honor and Call of Duty, stuff like that. But I haven't played in a while because I got banned from Live for a month for trash talking. I
She also enjoys witchcraft, as all citizens of Barbados by definition are into voodoo and Satan worship.
