Robin
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
- This page is about Batman's sidekick Robin. If you're interested in the page about the bird type of Robin, see Robin (bird).
- You may also be looking for that fruit in green tights, Robin Hood.
“Nice tights.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Robin's Tights.
“Somebody call U.P.S, we got a package to be delivered!”
~ Dick Simmons on Robin.
| Robin | |
|---|---|
 Robin loves hanging out. Ba-dum-cssshh. | |
| Publisher | |
| First appearance | Detective Comics #38
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| See also | |
In the year 1940 in Detective Comics #38, a new hero debuted. Clad in red, green and yellow and wearing a kooky mask, Robin joined Batman in the fight against psychotic clowns, bird men and a whole host of other lunatics.
Contents |
[edit] Robin Roll Call
[edit] The First One
- Main article: Nightwing
His name is Dick. HA HA HA! All right, let's move on.
Dick Grayson was the son of the Bearded woman and the Man with a Vagina. Naturally it came as no surprise that he spent his life as part of a circus sideshow.
Dick was born with tiny wings that sprouted from his shoulder blades. When he wore a regular t-shirt, one couldn't notice them. Sadly, Dick had to wear skin tight acrobat outfits that showed off his deformities. Yes, not only were his parents sideshow freaks, they were also the circus' number one acrobatic attraction. Together they called their act The Aristocrats.
Then one fateful night, Bruce Wayne, Two-Face and a rabbi all walked into a bar. While at the bar, Bruce Wayne saw the Aristocrats and asked them all for an autograph. Dick's Father politely refused. This refusal sent Two-Face into a rage.
Two-Face pulled a gun and, in a display of violence that would make Frank Miller weep, shot both of Dick's parents point blank in between the eyes with a .357 Magnum.
Filled with guilt, Batman offered to let Dick Grayson live with him. Bruce Wayne paid to have Grayson's wings removed. Dick was able to live a normal life afterwards. Dick soon found the Batcave because Alfred, Wayne's butler, was refused a raise and sold Wayne out.
Dick Grayson fought crime with Batman for twenty years. Not only that but he formed and was the leader of the Teen Titans with Wonder Girl, Kid Flash, and Aqualad.
During a fight with the Joker, Grayson was shot in the right testicle. Batman was once again filled with guilt and compassionately fired Dick Grayson as Robin and left Grayson's things for him out on the lawn when he returned from the hospital.
After an altercation with the second Robin (see below), Dick realized that at age thirty-nine, he should use a new alias. He chose the name Nightwing. He struck out on his own to become the 38th most successful solo hero in all of DC Comics.
[edit] The Second One
Jason Todd grew up hard on the streets of Gotham. He never knew his parents and punk, he didn't need to! Yeah times were hard but Todd did what he had to do to survive! Jason Todd was mostly a street thug. He did random odd jobs like three card monty, breaking and entering and boosting hubcaps.
Todd was so hardcore, he even tried to steal the hubcaps from the Batmobile! Batman caught him in the act and gave Todd a beating that would've put the the Mad Hatter in traction for five years. Todd took the beating and shocked Batman by getting back to his feet.
Batman then offered to train Jason Todd as the new Robin. When news of this reached Dick Grayson, he cried and challenged Todd to a fight. Todd won and Grayson was forced to never call himself Robin again.
So what happened to Jason Todd if he was so damned tough?
He's dead. Some other comic readers will try to tell you Jason Todd is up and around living again. Those people are full of shit, so be sure to tell them so. By the way, you wanna know who killed him? You did. Yup, Batman fanboys like you had the option to let Jason Todd live or die. Realizing that this would be the only time they could commit a crime and get away with it, the fanboys let Jason Todd die in an explosion that was set up by The Joker
Jason Todd later became Red Hood, which made him little Red Robin Hood. This brought teasing upon him from several other superheroes, and various villains.
[edit] The Third One
Tim Drake is the third person to assume the mantle of Robin. He is also the coolest one and he is also the best at not getting the bloody piss kicked out of him. He's also Jewish. Shalom!
Tim Drake had a crush on Robin when Dick Grayson was wearing the pointy boots. Whenever Tim could, he would watch news footage of Batman and Robin and stare at the screen. It was also during Tim's childhood that he discovered a love of acrobatics. He found old tape of the Aristocrats and became obsessed with Dick Grayson's dreamy thighs.
When Grayson assumed his role of Nightwing and Jason Todd was blown to bits, Tim Drake broke into Wayne manor and stole the Robin costume. Batman, who was asleep in the Bat Cave allowed Tim to keep the costume because he wasn't interested in having another partner and was tired of looking at the little green tights.
Alfred convinced Batman that Tim Drake should be given a chance to fight crime with Batman. Batman agreed because it was a rare "I'm not a giant douchebag" week. From then on the Dynamic Duo has been fighting crime ever since.
By himself Drake has beaten up The Penguin, thwarted Joker's plans to destroy Gotham City twice, dismantled the Cult of Kobra, found the Iraqi weapons of mass destruction and then destroyed them before the American Army could, appeared on Oprah five times, convinced the Mad Hatter to commit suicide, found the male pattern baldness gene, cured male pattern baldness and he did it all while attending Yeshiva.
Wayne and Drake didn't always get along. Tim and Bruce would argue every other month. One month (September 2005), Tim got so angry he moved out of Wayne Manor and into the next city. Three months later, Wayne apologized and Tim moved back into the Manor. A week later, Drake's father was murdered and his best friend Superboy died in a freakish BDSM accident with his girlfriend Wonder Girl.
Drake continues to patrol the streets of Gotham and lead the Teen Titans.
[edit] The Fourth One
Stephanie Brown was the daughter of a throwaway Batman villain named Pagemaster or something. She hated the life she had to endure because of her father's illegal activities.
As an act of revenge on her father, Steph took to leaving milk, meats and vegetables out to rot. She soon donned a costume and began calling herself the Spoiler. Not content to ruin her own food, she took to breaking and entering and spoiling other people's food.
Since a crime that petty was beneath Batman, he sent Tim Drake to capture her. Tim and Steph fought and then fell in love. They had five date/fights before they revealed their identities to each other.
As previously mentioned, Tim and Bruce Wayne had a spat and Tim stormed out of Wayne Manor. Because she was the closest teen he could find, Batman chose Stephanie to replace Tim.
She got to be Robin for about three months. During those three months she got yelled at by Batman, rejected by the Teen Titans and was killed in a gang war. WHOOO! What a great character!
[edit] Gay Rumors
Is Robin gay with Batman? Depends on which Robin you're asking about. Dick Grayson was Bisexual. He'd fuck anything that moved. Jason Todd was way hetero. Good God he had a way with dames. Probably because he was from the streets, Todd knew what to say and how to get what he wanted from the ladies. Jason Todd even bagged Wonder Woman. Tim Drake is guilty of having Man crushes on Dick Grayson. Drake kissed Batman once because he lost a bet with Superboy. Unknown to Drake, Kid Flash took a picture. Stephanie Brown was also straight but had a few naughty thoughts about Catwoman. Sadly she never had a chance to act on them. This doesn't prevent you from thinking about those things.
[edit] Powers
None. All Robins, like his mentor/partner/lover Batman are or were (since two of them are dead and one has a different superhero identity now) regular human beings. One could argue the wings young Dick had as a boy count as a power, but they don't. Still, the Robins could hold their own in a fight. All Robins were trained in Aikido, Leopard Kung Fu, Fakyu and Karate. Tim Drake is well trained in the use of the Bo staff and banana peel.
Dick Grayson and Tim Drake are skilled detectives. Dick Grayson was a top level acrobat. Tim Drake knows every passage from the Torah and is a certified public accountant (CPA). Jason Todd was a brilliant thief and locksmith. Stephanie Brown looked really cute in the Robin costume.
[edit] In Other Media
- Burt Ward played Dick Grayson in the 1960's Batman television series. This show was known for its stark darkness and unflinching look at vigilantism and police corruption.
- Chris O'Donnell portrayed Dick Grayson wearing Tim Drake's clothes in Batman for a Really Long Time and the follow up film, Batman With Nipples.
- Sadly, Robin was included in the drug trip that is the Teen Titans cartoon. Robin endorses no part of the toon and considers it rubbish.
