Rochdale
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Rochdale (Crotchdale) is known as the best place to live. The editors of many other entrys on this site may say that their city, town or shithole is the best place to live. How can i prove this? Well Richard Nixon said it during a visit. And he wouldn't lie would he? Errrr.....
Contents |
[edit] Where be Rochdale?
Why would you want to know were Rochdale is. It is a shithole. And if you really wanted to know you could open an atlas or map and find out. This is your major problem. Who would want to go on a comedy based wiki to find such facts. You disgust me. But since you asked ...
Rochdale is a Lancashire principality, created by a Lancastrian entity, Rochdale lies somewhere in the 3rd dimension, between Narnia and New Moston. Apparently, from ancient texts, Rochdale used to be in the Atlantic Ocean, but due to infrastructure and transport problems, it was dismantled brick by brick and relocated to Lancashire. This caused great havoc amongst the residents of Rochdale (known as "PeoplewhatliveinRochdale"), as the mayor at the time, Lisa Stansfield, had forgotten to tell them about the "big move". Silly mare.
Rochdale appears on the earthly plane but once every sixty years, saying: "Ee, it's not like it was in th'owd days," "Us 'ad rickets but us were happy" and "Tha'd not get a tuppeny bun out of Philip Snowden."
[edit] Famous Rochdalians
- Lester Piggott
- Billie Jean King
- That old man off Dad's Army
- Lester Piggott
- A bloke with a hat
- Lester Piggott
- A bloke with a hat, but a different one this time
- Bill Oddie
- Gracie Fields
- Woodbine cigarettes LTD
- Have I said Lester Piggot?
- Lisa "fit" Stansfield
- Harold Shipman
- That Austrian guy who raped his daughter in his basement.
Messrs. Jebediah Boots and Sons were prominent local assassins until the Gypsy Lane Watch Committee adopted English Common Law in 1913
[edit] What's to do in Rochdale
Amongst the residents of Rochdale, pointing and laughing are the two greatest of the countless entertainments available in modern-day Lancashire. Pointing is usually done towards dogs, fishmanbeasts, Cars, nuns, freaks, and people, whilst laughing is only ever done at Peter Kay, George Formby, Bill Oddie and Buzz Hawkins. Pointing whilst laughing is considered a great taboo in Rochdale, and is severely frowned upon. The last man to be caught pointing whilst laughing is currently serving time in an Broadmoor, although witnesses did say that the man wasn't pointing, just merely saluting Hilter.
Tourists are encouraged to visit the Great Pyramid of Rochdale, built as the tomb of the Pharaoh Eyupatem and just a short bus ride away from people riding away in buses.
Rochdale's nightlife is, indeed, memorable but may be treated by repeated applications of Keating Powder.
[edit] Rochdale In The Past
Yes, that's right even Rochdale has one.
It is traditional amongst true rochdalese people to marry there grandmother upon reaching there thirteenth birthday,However ,although encouraged this is no longer law, and most rochdalese have common law relationships with small rodents bound with electrical tape.
no good here now
[edit] The Future of Rochdale
Seen as Rochdale is a Lancastrian principality, created by a Lancastrian entity, Rochdale has little future other than being buried under a slag heap. Experts have predicted that Rochdale will never be able to shake its hate of gays, drunkeness and racist impressions. If you are concerned about this, why don't you discuss this with our wonderful leader, The wonderful Harold Shipman. But be warned, our messiah will not speak to you if you are black or if you are worried about "odours" or "facial hair". You woman. Why don't you step into his surgery and tell him how much you hate our town.
It is easier to describe Rochdale's status by using a well-known quote from a celebrity;
Rochdale is simply everything, and yet simply nothing. - Lester Piggott.
I'm sure you'll agree this sums up Rochdale pretty well. No? "it`s no good here now.!" to paraphrase a legend around these part`s. mr d bogsy phd vd
[edit] Trivia
- Rochdale competes in the bi-annual "Synthetic Nations Tennis Cup", last year losing to Wales in the final.
- Rochdale is bigger than Pi, Clackmannan and Fromage Frais put together.
- Rochdale is Dusty Springfield's love child.
- Rochdale was twinned with the garbage dump at Staten Island until the rats complained of feeling guilty by association.
- A man falls over onto the streets of Rochdale in a drunken stupor every thirty-seven minutes. He is Mr. Henry Gibley of Skinners Yard Terrace.
- Helicopters are not allowed to pass over Rochdale, in fear that residents will start to worship it.
| Ancient Palatine of Lancashire | ||
| Lancaster | Burnley | Padiham | Liverpool | St Helens | Wigan Preston | Manchester | Blackpool | Rochdale | Stockport | 
|
