Rock Band (video game)
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“If the strum bar wasn't so gay I could totally get a 100 on Green Grass.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Rock Band
Rock Band, also known as Drum Hero is a video game created by Harmonix and published by EA with the cooperation of Satan and Vin Diesel. Release date for Xbox 360 and Playstation 3 versions of the game is November 23, 2007, and Judgement Day for Europe. It is also scheduled to be released on the Wii, but a year and a half later than the European version, and with worse graphics and a bad online system. Oh and some people think Guitar Hero 3 is going to outsell Rock Band or be more successful, but that's not true.
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[edit] Gameplay
Rock Band is a very original game that came from practically out of nowhere and surprised anyone stupid enough to think The Dark Knight sucked. It utilizes a unique feature called
star power Overdrive which makes the virtual crowd go wild, think of it as steroids for your platic guitar. It's poorly designed to offer the full experience of being in a real band to you and your untalented friends. Thats right you get to experience it all for yourself, the drugs, the women (and every drunk encounter here and there maybe a dude), but most importantly the eyeliner. This game is like Spinal Tap taken to the next level, so if you're ready to crank it up to eleven, stay inside all day, and lose every friend you hve, head to the nearest Best- Buy and grab a copy of Rock Band.
The game allows all wannabe rockers to play on four different difficulties. Easy for handicapped children, amputees, pets, fetuses, and Paris Hilton. Medium is for beginers or washed up rockers like Bret Michaels. Hard is for younger children with no lives, while expert demolishes the lives of people over 11. Like Guitar Hero, Legendary is also a difficulty that can be accessed after successfully beating the game on Expert. Legendary can also only be played if every instrument is occupied by an individual. You'll notice in this difficulty setting, new colors will flash on the screen in a rainbow fashion, completely blinding all players while the game dishes out loud frequency noise that will drop any player to the floor, scrambling to hit any button they can. The drummer should still be able to hit the bass pedal. Even if you turn the volume down on your T.V set, the Video Console over rides this, and auto puts the volume on max, just in case you were trying to wimp out. Once any song ends, as do the epilepsy inducing lights, and ear destroying frequency noise. If your friends are dumb enough, you can attempt any other song on Legendary, or click retry, since it's obvious you'll never beat any song.
To many countries this video game is considered a cheap rip off of Guitar Hero. This game is also considered gay by Germany, China, and North America. Rockband also won the award for the worst game of the year. In 2008 the game was shunned by the world, so the rest of the unsold copies were buried in a landfill in New Mexico, much like E.T for the Atari.
[edit] Difficulties
- Special - One note, one time. Can you hit it and make the crowd love you, or will you miss it and fail at life?
- Super Easy - Cranking it up, this is: one note, twice. Bring that shit on.
- Easy - Three different notes and a lot of time to hit them. This level is only difficult for people with no rhythm whatsoever, which means that it'd be pretty funny if you could get them to dance with the music, too.
- Normal - Too hard for people on easy, too simple for anyone who can actually play an instrument.
- Hard - For people who think that they rock but can't actually manage expert.
- Expert - If you can play expert, and you don't actually play an instrument, you need to be thankful.
- Legendary - If you, and your friends are all blind and deaf, give it a shot.
[edit] Peripherals
Rock Band will be available in a bundle, which includes the game, a toy mic, one toy guitar, and one set of toy drums. With these toy instruments you will be able to recreate the same sounds a real band makes, except no one'll care! That's just plain swell.
Unfortunately for you, they left out the other guitar. This was supposed to be a four player game, but it's not, because the bundle sucks. You get to guy buy another one. Seperate peripherals will cost you another $79, or you could just give up and go buy the first two Guitar Hero games.
[edit] Soundtrack
The Rock Band soundtrack consits of only one song and it is Silver by The Pixies. Due to the intense difficulty of this song none of the fans have yet complained. I kid you not when i say that very few people have managed to gold star this beast on the drums. The bass line is very rough and as harmonix loves to bash bassits they made the song exactly the same on all difficulties. The guitar part is so fast in this song that you can't hear it and also not play it. And the singing...well you just can't sing this. Even though the difficulty you thought belonged to guitar hero people are not bashing the game. In fact people love the song so much that alot of them, including super shredder George Bush, have said "If silver was a real object id make love to it."
[edit] Sequel
It is rumored that a sequel to Rock Band will be released. The sequel will just be a total copy of Guitar Hero, but so much better that activision will have to buy rock band from harmonix because they don't want anybody to be better! The recent video game list came in and it has just been confirmed that nothing will beat Rock Band in the video game sales. America had had enough tragedies like 9/11 and Hurricane Katrina, so why does Activision have to keep buying all the good games and making them suck???
[edit] Controversy
Being good at this game is said to help you get laid in College, and parties worldwide where this game is played. This is false. Instead most individuals are beaten with the guitars and the drum sticks, and conconsequently found beating their own instruments in their dorms. The mic also works perfectly as an anal probe, resulting in people hearing the singer scream for miles around.
It is also believed being good at Rock Band automatically makes you efficient at playing REAL instruments. This is false. A self proclaimed band simply known as " Rock Band " attempted to play on stage during Ozzfest 2007. They were beat, with REAL guitars, and REAL drum sticks, while Axl Rose used his microphone as an anal probe on the proposed singer. Later Axl was recorded saying he was jealous, that he could never hit the high note that singer did during that stunt.
