Roger Taylor
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“R-r-r-r-r-roger Taylor!”
~ Freddie Mercury on Roger Taylor
“Drummer, dentist, and tailor. Roger Taylor does it all!”
~ Oscar Wilde on Roger Taylor
Roger Taylor was born on a day that no one can necessarily remember in 1949. His mother was a contortionist in the Barnum & Bailey Circus and his father was out of work due to his incontrollable addiction to potatoes. Roger became a man very quickly. When he was only in 4th grade, he weighed 200 pounds and enjoyed inflicting temporary amnesia on his schoolmates by pummeling them in their heads with rugby balls. He would then jog back into the locker room, put on a mesh muscle shirt and cut school to pump iron.
[edit] Adolescence
Later in his teen years, Roger became fascinated with the causes of gingivitis, halitosis and the fact that his new friend Freddie Bulsara had four more teeth than he should have, and decided to pursue a career in dentistry. But he had a problem- what would happen to his muscles? He then decided to become a drummer for his friend Brian's band, Smile, a name that he had come up with to compromise with the fact that he had given up being a dentist. As his fame in the newly named band Queen grew, Roger satisfied his secret cravings for the smell of gasoline and the sweet tasted of antifreeze and became a mechanic, under the pseudonym of Harry Potter. This career was short lived, however, although his career as a mechanic was of inspiration to author JK Rowling. She immediately began writing stories about Roger's car fixer life, instead recording these events as mystical and as a 12 year old going to a tedious magic school.
[edit] Death
Unfortunately, Roger passed away in his late thirties due to a lethal disease that he had contracted from going to barber shops, buying snips of long hair and gluing them under his armpits.
Today, Roger's sister, Claire, is dressing as him and is currently touring with former bandmate Brian May and their guest frontman, That Man That Sings All Right Now.
[edit] Trivia
- Taylor is cooler than you.
- He played most of his shows asleep.
- Much to Freddie's amusement, he tried to dye his hair before a show, only to turn it a striking shade of green.
