Star Trek

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Star trek covered such themes as space congestion

~ William Shatner on Patrick Stewart

"A Long Long time ago in a galaxy far far away" they said, and so started the Sci-fi phenomenon of Star Trek...

[edit] Origin

Back in the late sixties most television series were set on Earth. "Oh there was definitely an Earth bias", Gene Roddenberry, the creator, commented drunk on Klingon mind lager, "I think it's because most of us live there. But it's ridiculous; there's billions of planets out there and only one of them is Earth. Unless of course you count alternate universes, but I don't...I lose count."

Roddenberry also considered that as well as an Earth bias there was also a bias towards setting shows in the present day. "The present day is only one day out of about 3000 billion days available to set a television show in." Roddenberry continued naked as the day he was born, "I wanted to set my television show in each one of those other 3000 billion days."

Reportedly, Roddenberry asked his mother if he was allowed to create a television series not set on earth and not in the present day. Her answer was apparently yes, as long as it wasn't set next Wednesday as that's when she was getting her hair done. Roddenberry therefore went with his second choice, setting the show in the mid twenty-third century.

[edit] Pitching Star Trek

Roddenberry went to TV Executives to discuss his ideas. "I wanted to name the series after my favourite cat 'Star Trek: The Next Generation' but they didn't think it was snappy enough. We compromised with 'Star Trek'. To be fair, the cat would still answer to that name."

After the pitch, the network authorized a pilot, "The Cage". However, that was a strike, so they pitched it again and made "Where No Man Has Gone Before" (about a woman, where, at least, no Star Trek fan has gone before), and that was a strike too. Roddenberry eventually made "The Man Trap", which wasn't very good, but everyone was so stoned in the 60's they didn't notice. So he got a home run and it was the end of the game. Checkmate.He apparently lost The Game.

[edit] Filming In Space

Filming a fictional action series in space is always an expensive and troublesome operation. The Enterprise itself did not have engines of its own and had to be pulled by ropes attached to a space shuttle (which hadn't been invented yet, therefore it was actually pulled by a Gemini space capsule).

Gene Roddenberry gave away a few tricks of the trade in an interview with Walter Cronkite. "Obviously, in the course of the series, The Enterprise visits a number of alien worlds. With the limited range of the Space Shuttle (Gemini capsule), we could only really get to the moon and thus we just painted it different colours to represent different planets visited. I know the moon is only a third of the size of earth but painting it did take a considerable amount of time and indeed paint, especially in near weightless conditions".

By the third season of Star Trek, budget cuts forced the production team to only paint half of the moon for each episode. "It wasn't ideal", Shatner commented with a comment, "but we just had to work around it and only use half of it. It's sad in a way, but so was Princess Diana dying and the end of E.T".

The first series was performed entirely in the original Klingon with no subtitles.

[edit] Star Trek vs. Star Wars

Star Trek were looking for revenge after their 2-0 loss along time ago in a galaxy far far away and they took an early lead in the first half when Kirk nodded in a header off a cross from Spock. Star Trek continued the pressure and almost went two-up when Chekov had a snapshot from 40 yards. The ball flew inches over the bar with OB1 scrambling across his goal line.

Second half pressure from Star Wars provided them with an equaliser on 72minutes when Skywalker rose highest from a perfectly weighted Leia cross. The remainder of the game was played out at a relatively pedestrian pace with Solo lucky to stay on, only getting booked for a two footed challenge on Picard on 83 minutes.

STAR TREK 1

Kirk(8)

Yellow
McCoy, Spock, V

STAR WARS 1

SkyWalker (72)

Yellow
Leia, Solo

[edit] Warp Drive

Kirk, unable to stand Spock's questioning any longer reveals his horrible secret. Even though Spock only asked him what he wanted for lunch.

You have to travel pretty fast to travel around outer-space and Roddenberry knew this. He came up with a measurement called Warp Speed whilst ice skating in Belgium. "I decided to make Warp 1 equal to 100mph." Roddenberry explained, "I know this sounds fast for, what is effectively the lowest speed the Enterprise could travel at, but I don't think you should misunderestimate the size of outer-space. It's many times larger than earth. "

Warp 2 became 200mph and then up in 100 mph chunks with warp 9 being 900mph. "Warp 10 was 2000mph instead of 1000mph because I felt that it should be an out-there kind of figure." Roddenberry continued, "Twice the speed of Concorde. In effect, the enterprise could get you from London to Sydney in just two hours!!"

[edit] Time Travel

Trekians have traveled through time in no less than three of the movies. Three out of ten! Who knew that time travel would really be that easy? Even the Borg can do it, and they all stumble around like drunk stoners!

Also, it works every friggin' time they try it, and they always end up in the correct time period (both when going back and forward)! It seems that time travel in Star Trek is a derivative of the Poof, There It Is Theory, Kirk obviously having mastered this science. "We need to go there" and Poof, there they are.

In the real world all that is required is an area undergoing a release of stored flux, in motion at a rate of over 88mph (usually achieved by a DeLorean automobile flux capacitor attached to a flying steam train).

Almost as fast as Opel Vectra.

[edit] Communist Show?

The less-than-subtle sign of Communism in Star Trek

Star Trek obviously has some connections to communism examples being...

• 1. The helm of the ship is in control of an Asian and a Russian.
• 2. The show takes place in a universe where money had been abolished.
• 3. Women and blacks are treated with respect on the show (and this was in America during the sixties)
• 4. One of the reoccurring themes is Religion is bad and is no match for technology.
• 5. They have done away with the Christ based calendar and replaced it with Star-dates (or Tsar-dates).
• 6. Five year mission, sounds an awful lot like Five year plan now doesn't it?
  

Apparently Roddenberry was trying spread communism all over the world with this show, or at-least tried to desensitize the masses to the though of it, just like Marx and Lenin were trying to do. Unfortunately television producers caught on to Rodenbury's plot and they shut him down before the sixties were over, before everyone came out of their drugged up euphoria on December 31st 1969.

[edit] Kirk's Cock

One of the most profitable Star Trek spinoffs, this extraterrestrial sex manual sold ten million copies on Tau Ceti alone

Thanks to Captain Kirk's habit of 'going where no man has gone before', Dr. McCoy is the foremost authority on intergalactic venereal diseases, although McCoy could never figure out exactly what Kirk caught from the green chick. Except a few extra pounds here and there. Again.

And if you've ever wondered why all the aliens in Star Trek look like humans dressed up? Ask Kirk... Or Roddenberry, whatever floats your boa- ahem, star ship.

[edit] The Missions of Star Trek

-The Original Series:- Kirk set out on a medical investigation to research Alien STD's and after contracting every known alien STD McCoy is using the research to create a super STD to wipe out all life, In the interest of peace of course

-The Next Generation:- Picard had a different mission to Kirk, this was mainly due to his complete failure to be a good womaniser, he aimed to piss off the most powerful aliens he could find and succeeded in starting a war against the Borg

-Deep Space Nine:- Annoyed that Babylon 5 had a better plot but lacked as decent a budget, the mission of DS9 was to provide a more action based show with actual space battles. This was however a failure as there were only 2 big space battles in the whole of the series.

-Voyager:- It was decided that Star Trek needed some decent enemies, with Klingons, Romulans and Ferengi not bothering the Federation they came up with a top secret mission to send the obnoxious Janeway to start wars against the entire Delta Quadrant. Unfortunately any interesting opponents were quickly forgotten about.

-Enterprise:- The mission of the original Enterprise (that being the enterprise before the original enterprise) is a myth since no-one afterwards actually seems to remember it actually existing. It is believed that this enterprise probably only existed in the Mirror Universe which would explain why it is completely forgotten about except for rumours in the corners of dark pubs on Risa

[edit] See also

• HowTo:Construct a Federation Starship
• Q
• Trekkie
• UnNews:Security officer looking forward to posting
• Shatkins Diet