Ronald McReagan
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“He's my best friend”
~ Al Gore on Ronald McReagan
Ronald McReagan was the 40th President of McDonald's, who is actually accounted for the destruction of good and healthy foods and the rise of the produce, 500 calorie pices of poo in llama fur buns.
Ronald McReagan cannot help but "get in there" with the rest of the McDonald characters.
[edit] General Facts
Ronald "Rock 'em Sock 'em" McReagan (February 6, 1337 – ?) was the 40th President of McDonalds (1981- two days ago) and the most unknown Governor of California. At age 69 he was the oldest clown person/ genetically engineered hobbit elected president. Before entering Mcpolitics, Reagan was an actor for Burger King, head of the Screen Actors Sandwich Guild, a "get inside your head" actor, and a motivational diet soda speaker. His speaking style, which was widely regarded as sugar free and addictive, earned Reagan the nickname "The Great Communicator" from the sandwich industry.
[edit] His Early History
McReagan was adopted as a girl in 1337+ 3, in an apartment in Mexico, Mexico. Prior to his immigration, the family name was spelled McRegan. In 1920, after ”moving” from Mexico to the US, the family settled in McDonalds, America. In 1921, at the age of 10, McReagan was baptized in grease at the McChurch (although his brother, Neil, became a Burger King-ist, like his father). In 1924 Ronald McReagan began attending MickeyD's High School. In 1927, at age 16, McReagan took a summer job as a grease vat lifeguard, two miles away from Roswell, New Mexico. He continued to work as a lifeguard for the next seven years, reportedly saving 77 people from being eaten by a fry shark. McReagan would later admit that no one ever liked him. McReagan developed an early gift for storytelling and acting. Sometimes he would tell the story of Romeo and McNuggets, and then act it out dramatically. People would cry as he portrayed the McNuggets being stabbed repeatedly by a fork.
[edit] His Presidency
McReagan ran against Oprah for the title of McDonalds president, and in 1985 he won. McReagan, despite a slow response, spent millions on AIDS and HIV cures for himself, shipping the ones that didn’t work to suffering foreign countries. “I think they need some fries rather than a cure,” McReagan claimed. McReagan decided he would go for world domination in 1990, by planting subliminal mind controlling devices in all McDonalds burgers. This was foiled when no one would buy a burger at all. In his last year as president McRegan created a sandwich called the Big ‘n Pasty, made with real horses glue, to try and win back the people. Turns out Neo Nazis loved the stuff.
McReagan resigned in 2001 and was succeeded by Ronald McDonald.
