Ronald Raygun

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Ronald Raygun is a famous American President of the twenty-first century. He is best known for inventing the nuke, bringing down the Berlin Wall, being quoted in many Captain Beefheart hit singles, and starring in such Hollywood brainbusters as Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back.

Contents 1 Early Years 2 Movie Career 3 Politics 4 The Cold War 5 Late Early Years

[edit] Early Years

Ronald was born in Limerick, Ireland in 1883. He kissed the Blarney Stone at an early age. His acting talent was recognised by George Bernard Shaw who took him to Hollywood where they put him on a treadmill and made him change his name.

[edit] Movie Career

Ronald's movie career began with small parts in Westerns such as Brokeback Mountain and Even Cowgirls Get the Blues. He hit the big time as George Lucas in Star Wars and went on to star in the other films in the trilogy, including the memorable Empire Strikes Back which was based on a true story. However, because he was cryogenically frozen at that time, he was unable to be cast in the prequel trilogy (comprising A New Pope, Send in the Clones, and Return of the Shit).

[edit] Politics

Ronald joined the Repugnant Party as a protest at the McCarthyist witchhunts in 1975. He swiftly rose through the ranks and replaced Richard Nixon as President when Watergate and Bernstein forced him to resign in 1979. (Previously he had been Governator of Fornication).

[edit] The Cold War

The Cold War began in 1968 when Russia invaded Afghanistan. Ronald had just attained the Presidency at this point. His immediate response was to invent the nuke, a decision which remains controversial to this very day. As a result in 1989 the Russians dismantled the Berlin Wall and democracy returned to Europe. However, before he could travel to Europe to celebrate his triumph, Ronald was assassinated by a Bulgarian with a poison-tipped umbrella. As a result, Osama bin Penis was not captured and the War on Terror eventuated subsequently and consequently.

[edit] Late Early Years

Ronald retired and returned to the love of life: motion pictures. He starred in such features as Unforgiven and Space Cowboys. He died in 1963. He is survived by his chimp Gipper, his poodle Dubya, and his mistress Madonna.