Rosie O'Donnellum
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“Man the Harpoons!”
“Know Jabba the Hutt never died I did. Disguised himself all this years he did.”
~ Yoda on Rosie's first life, before she changed her name.
“Throw all the leftovers in here and see what I can come up with.”
~ GOD when creating Rosie Odonellum
“Hey, want to see me create something fucked up?”
~ Drunken GOD getting back to work on Rosie
“Dad, try putting a penis and a vagina in the same body!”
~ Jesus, giving advice to his dad
“It started as a joke!”
~ God after creating Rosie
With a totally coincidental symbol of Fat, Rosie O'Donaldtrump is the densest substance known to man. In fact, if you look at the Idiotic Table of the Elements you will discover that Rosie O'Donnellum does not appear on the chart. This is because the substance is too big to fit on it. Early attempts were made to place the element in the chart, and while it worked at first, the frequent addition of newly discovered elements made it impossible to sustain it. Eventually the chart burst apart from the strain and the elements were scattered all over the floor. Scientists then decided it would be best to just leave it out completely. While the element contains grease and fat, scientests believe that direct contact with the element can cause lesbianism and ugliness
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[edit] Discovery
Rosie O'Donnellum was discovered by Christopher Columbus in a 517 B.C. when he first discovered a large landmass which he thought to be India. What he discovered, however, was an entire continent made up of Rosie O'Donnellum. When he tried to dig up soil on the continent, he broke two shovels on the first try, and broke a crew member on the second try. On the third and final try to dig up the soil, his appendix exploded from the strain. Christopher Columbus gave up and set back out to sea, where he would, in 1942, discovered Nascar and "Poop Wings." or "crap eater." Also discoverd was the "Whale".
[edit] Re-discovery
When World War 2 broke out in 1939, Hitler created a secret project called The ManFatten Project. This project consisted of having the top 3 scientists in the world (Oprah Winfrey, Britney Spears, and Liza Minelli) search for a new chemical that would destroy his foes. It was here that the continent made out of Rosie O'Donnellum was re-discovered. Due to new technology, only an arm, a leg, and South Dakota was lost in an attempt to dig up the substance. The element had to be shipped back to Germany little by little, for placing more than one microspectoatom on it at one time would cause the ship to sink down into the Earth's core (No one is even sure how exactly the island itself is floating, this is perhaps caused by the Earth itself trying to keep the fat fuck away from it). Using this new substance, Hitler was able to defeat France while he was being pummelled with snails. Unfortunately, he was not able to witness his achievement as he died of cardiac arrest shortly after.
[edit] Use of Rosie O'Donnellum Today
Today Rosie O'Donnellum is used in armour piercing bullets, the building of battle tanks, and as an antidote for losing weight. Scientists are also working on a way to use this substance to develop a car which will run on less than an ounce of Rosie O'Donnellum for decades. At one time it was believed that Donnellum could injure the nigh-immortal Sir Charles M. Talleyrand, but this has been proven false. Caution must be used when handling Rosie O'Donnellum. If used in the presence of Republicans, Conservatives, or Fat Lesbo haters, FLH, it is subject to spontaneous combustion without notice. In fact, the Material Sciences Engineering Department at Michigan Tech discourages the use of Rosie O'Donnellum as building material because fire will melt it. A unique term for this, only applicable to Rosie O'Donnellum is "fart". Repeated farting by a single sample of Rosie O'Donnellum may not only cause irreparable damage to its surroundings, but also the death and/or injury of any humans, plants, or small animals within its proximity. If you see a sample of this volatile element, proceed to throw rotten eggs, tomatoes, fetuses, or barbed wire at it immediately, so as to prevent any misfortune to yourself or others.
The Rosie O'Donnellum Chemistry Institute for the Study of Elemental Elements and Center for Lesbianism can be found is located in Rockport, Texas. Free samples of Rosie O'Donnellum are give out with the purchase of a Big Mac in the museum giftshop.
Rosie O'Donnellum has recently been used to enhance dildos to make them ten thousand times more exciting. Lesbians everywhere have reported increased pleasure using dildos enhanced with Rosie O'Donnellum.
Also, the Rosie O'Donnel Sex Dungeon [sic] has reinforced walls made with Rosie O'Donnellum, attracting hundreds of thousand of customers per year.
She is also president of the Waluigi fan club, beating Waluigi, and has ABSOLOUTLEY FUCKING RUINED IT.
[edit] Use of Rosie O'Donnellum in cloning
- Rosie O'Donnellum has been formed to create a synthetic human. The project was dubbed "Rosie O' Donnell". It was considered a failure after it's terrible attempt at humor in "A League of the Own". Sadly, attempts to stop the creation has failed and it has gone on to try to gain acceptance in a world where her kind will fit in (similar to frankenstein).
- According to a survey done at McDonalds Headquarters, 100 percent of people who bought milkshakes over the past 100 years cannot tell the difference between Rosie O' Donnell and a Dawson's Creek Trapper Keeper.
- Rosie O' Donnell is not a real lesbian. it is simply a horny porn star with a craving for hairy vaginas.
- Rosie O' Donnell was briefly on The View until they kicked it off. Apparently it was SO HUGE that the view of Star Jones and Barbara Walters was literally gone. According to a quote by Barbara Walters "it was so huge! I mean, if I was a lesbian I would've motorboated those tits in a second!"
