Ruatoria

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Ruatoria is the capital of Aotearoa, New Zealand due to its relaxed Maori inhabitants, it was decided at a hui, 'meeting' in 1945 to never venture out of 1952. Where horses and gumboots frequently outnumber cars at the local Manutahi pub, where delicious delicacies of pork and puha and fry bread can be found. The greatest export of this area is All blacks followed closely by electric puha or weed.

“We will fight, fight, never ending, until the last bud”

~ Oscar Wilde on being from Ruatoria

[edit] People

a fanciful people of which, in our day and age, soap and toothpaste seem to be a mystery. this is further reflected in their urban counterparts. Tribes have many distinctive facial tattooes, their mums' say they just need a wash. Pakeha or 'white people' are frequently eaten, not out of any sense of hunger, but because they taste good with watercress, Parengo, kumara or even with a bit of kaanga koprio.

[edit] Sport

the East Coast rugby team is based in this jewel of the East Coast but in recent seasons, they have not scaled the dizzy heights of their 2000/2001 seasons. The team reinvented the rolling maul, (as they didn't possess a backline that could run), invented the Maori sidestep (this involves running straight at your opponent, and using your sheer bulk, run over him) import a couple of fijians tactic and the inventive half back, who lost ball, if it rolled under his stomach. This team has also taken the focus of their true sporting heroes who have been regular finalists in the High Times best Bud growing competition. regular entries from Rua' have been nice stank, snowy buds from 8 foot sativa's. very highly prized but not given the same aura of success or invincibility as their pathetic rugby team.

[edit] Geography

Ruatoria which is frequently mistaken for Las Vegas is actually situated below the mighty Kahurangi and on the banks of the beautiful Waiapu river, Ruatoria is in a prime location for which its sporting success in weed growing is founded on.

[edit] Child Punishments

In Ruatoria it is common practice to disipline your child by hanging it from a clothes line and putting in it a dryer, the on the way to the hospital, stop and mcdonalds for a feed

[edit] Climate

Hot hot hot!! yet the locals still prefer to wear swanni's and white gumboots in 30 degree heat.

[edit] Crime

Only be worried if you happen to have a Marae in your back pocket, which the local Rastafarians will mistake for rollies and burn it up in an attempt to get high.

[edit] Survival Ruatukian

“Chur!”

~ Oscar Wilde on how to agree to whatever the local Ruatukian is saying

“Chur! Chur!”

~ Oscar Wilde on on how to really agree to whatever the local Ruatukian is saying, usually while being placed in cooking pot

“Nah bro! your all Teko!”

~ Oscar Wilde on on how to politely refuse a request to be placed in a cooking pot