Rudish

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“I can't see why it's called Rudish. It's not rude or anything!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Rudish

Rudish is a language spoken only in the village of Blarg on Mars. There are 11 letters in the alphabet.

[edit] Alphabet

The first letter is pronounced with a "honk" noise made by sucking in the air in your nose. The second letter is pronounced by sticking out your tongue and vibrating it for a "plllllll" sound. The third letter is pronounced with a choking sound. The fourth letter is pronounced by sucking in air into your right cheek. The fifth letter is pronounced by doing a tiger growl and saying "Blarg" at the same time. The sixth letter is pronounced by saying "sluddly-uddly". The seventh letter is pronounced by singing "I am rude," with the "am" an octave higher than the other two notes. The eighth letter is pronounced with a kissing noise. The ninth letter is pronounced by singing "protractor" very high. The Martians don't know it's an English word. The tenth letter is pronounced by saying "Oort". The eleventh letter is really hard to write and is pronounced with a burp.

[edit] About Rudish

Even the smallest sentence sounds rude. "I do" is pronounced "honk-honk-suck in cheek-sluddlyuddly". This uses the first, first, fourth, and sixth letters respectively. This means that even a marriage in Blarg sounds rude!

[edit] About Blop-Blop

Anybody under 23 is not allowed to speak Rudish. If he or she does so, he or she is banished from Blarg alone. The language that they must speak is Blop-Blop. In Blop-Blop, every letter is replaced with "blop-blop." This makes it next to impossible to tell apart all the words of, say, three letters, for all are pronounced "Blop-blop, blop-blop, blop-blop."