Rules
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“Screw the rules, I have money!”
~ Seto Kaiba on rules
“No. Just no.”
~ Oscar Wilde on rules
Rules were invented by Microsoft in 1962 to make themselves feel happy and fulfilled whenever they managed to comply within those guidelines. Such rules included “Offer products at a reasonable price” and “Only release the finest, most stable products.” Soon however, Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft, discovered that it was much more cost effective, reasonable, and unique (not to mention fun) if these rules were broken.
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[edit] How To Use
Rules are best used when something, invariably, needs doing. For instance, if you state that a rule is “Don’t relieve yourself into a toilet bowl”, then your house (or any other establishment you like to urinate in) will stay sparkling and clean. However, if you make the common mistake and state “Relieve yourself in the toilet bowl”, you’ll be swinging that mop and bucket until the early hours of the morning.
[edit] The Science
So what causes rules to work? Or more precisely, not work?
Through the process of reverse psychology (a reaction where thought is actually destroyed), people convince themselves that they are, in reality, doing the right thing, as they have no recollection whatsoever of any rules. However, due to the severity of reverse psychology, thought is not only destroyed, but actually reversed.
This means that your average law-abiding citizen doesn’t remember rules, but anti-rules. These are quite nasty as not only do they, under normal circumstances, cause people to do the opposite of what you want them to do, but they also break those very rules.
[edit] What is being done about it?
Many Russian scientists were assigned to the task of finding a cure to rules, and found a remarkable answer. Through the use of a deintelligarombitrant, codenamed ZYX, scientists were to make rules disappear, thus never ever being broken. It was at this point that Jacques Derrida suggested never to create rules in the first place, but those men in black suits weren’t watching him for no reason.
[edit] Examples of rules
- Do not smoke at a petrol station.
- Do not hurl offensive abuse at people for no reason at all.
- Cross the road, but only when the light is green.
- Do not browse websites that may humour you in any way.
- Do not die.
- Do not rape.
- Be evil.
- Believe in what you want to believe in.
- Make the world a better place.
- Never, ever, quote Oscar Wilde.
- Contest ends one week before the end of the month.
- Never break the rules (except for this one).
- This is not a rule.
