Rush Limbaugh
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The Prince of Darkness — the ultimate purveyor of all things wicked, vile, and malevolent — has a personal relationship with Rush Limbaugh and one day Rush Limbaugh will return to the lake of fire.
“He just might be too sexy for his shirt...”
~ Oscar Wilde on Rush Limbaugh
“He just might be too big for his shirt”
~ Captain Obvious on Rush Limbaugh
“Now he is a fat bastard, baby!”
~ Austin Powers on Rush Limbaugh
“Godzirra! Godzirra! Wait... Repubrican!”
~ Japanese Tourist on Spotting the rare Rush Limbaugh
“I met him fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding of even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, of good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six year old child with this blank, pale, emotionless face, and the blackest eyes, the Devil's eyes. I spent eight years trying to reach him and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized that what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... evil.”
~ Rush Limbaugh on The children of everyone who isn't Rush Limbaugh
“Doesn't Rush Limbaugh remind you of one of those gay guys who likes to lay in a tub while other men pee on him?”
~ God on Rush Limbaugh
“DAMN TITS & DICKS DUMBASS SHITTY TITMOUSE JAP DIPSHIT OH SHI-!!! ASS MARY WHITEHOUSE DAMN! TAFFY DILDO! COCK!”
~ Rush Limbaugh on the Democrats
“He gets me so wet that I slide off my car seat.”
~ Ann Coulter on Rush Limbaugh
“Okay ossif... offushi.. off-ish-er, I'll come quietly. And she's over fourteen...”
~ Rush Limbaugh, regularly.
Rush "Ain't Rushin' Nowhere With Them Flabby Thighs" DITTOHEAD Limbaugh AKA "The Original Dirty Ol' Fat Bastard", was born in 1951 as a conglamoration of the ignorance and general stupidity of the American people that had built up over the years. He was the voice of the Republican Party. His hobbies included exercising his 2nd Amendment rights by using school children as target practice, and waiting in airport Men's bathrooms for hot gay sex from US Senators and random strangers. The identity of his parents, if he was indeed 'born' in the traditional sense of the word, is unknown since he was found by a brother and sister from a trailer park floating down the Missouri river in a buoyant wicker basket filled with fried chicken. After they found the baby Rusty (trombone) they decided to marry (the honorable thing to do when a man and woman acquire a baby – by whatever means). There is considerable evidence to support that Limbaugh is not a person so much as he is the human personification of various logical fallacies. However, currently no consensus has been reached in regards to this theory. Rush was a DJ on Air America Radio, the worlds top rated christian music station. He was recently in a feud with Karl Rove. They were fighting over a ham and cheese sandwich. He was the "founding father" of the NAACP along with Don Imus. Rumors that he was turned down for military service due to having an anal cyst are not accurate, the military in fact classified his entire body as a giant anal cyst.
[edit] First Breakfast: Origins
Rush Limbaugh's origins can be traced to the 9th plane of hell. The Dark Lord decided Limbaugh would be born as a human to facilitate the fruition of His fiendish plans, and had a retarded inbred cousin of the Old Ones impregnate a catatonic drug addict. This resulted in the death of Limbaugh's mother during childbirth due to his inordinately huge big fat pumpkin head. When questioned about this, he generally responds with "The world's better off without that worthless doping dirt-bag.", probably referring to her requests for painkillers to mitigate the excruciating pain of Rush's massive coconut tearing its way through her birth canal. He was sent to Earth as a personal favor to Satan in order to spread conservatism over the globe. One of the ways Limbaugh stays in good standing with the dark prince is by bringing him a box of illegal Havana cigars once a month, sometimes he tops his gifts with the sacrifice of a human child on Nooordddoor'Ga'th. The hypocrisy of ignoring the Cuban trade embargo may only be discussed on pain of eternal damnation.
“He's one of my best operatives”
~ Satan on Rush Limbaugh
[edit] Second Breakfast: Early life
When Limbaugh reached his teens he took over a post on a local radio station that had to be filled after the death of Pastor Richard Hedd. Limbaugh's first show was about the section of the Bible that forbids inbreeding. He threw a tirade and ended by taking a pair of tweezers and masturbating his little undersized penis to a picture of Ronald Reagan (who was still an actor at the time, but was already known as a conservative), he did so to prove a point, that a conservative masturbating to a man's picture is not gay, its only gay when a liberal does it.
In 1970,at the height of the Vietnam War Rush proudly served his country by cleaning floors and toilets at the McDonald's in Paducah, Kentuckistan. for 3 rubles an hour. He is remembered at that McDonald's mostly for promoting and giving the 39¢ Blow Job Tuesdays Special. He fondly remembers those days and boasts about how other people his age at that time were PAYING money to go to college, while he EARNED money and didn't even have to attend college.
[edit] Brunch: Angelic nature
Limbaugh is noted for his gracious courtesy and tolerance to all white rednecks. He won the Nobel Peace Prize in 2000 for getting Bill Clinton out of office. He also received international acclaim in 1993 for calling Clinton's then 13 year old daughter a "dog". Calling a 13 year girl whom he'd never met a "dog" is a classic example of Rush's trademark charm, never again to be duplicated until Rush's inverse, Alec Baldwin, dumped on his own 11-year-old daughter in April of 2007, calling her a "pig". Research shows, in fact, that most of the Clinton family are of canine origin.[1]
[edit] Roast beef on rye with brown mustard: support of the American Troops
In January 2005, Limbaugh sent nearly 3000 jockstraps for the boys and 2500 wonder bras for the girls in Iraq. If that isn't support, I don't know what is! In gratitude, the troops gave Limbaugh a lifetime subscription to Weight Watchers. It is not known whether he has started using it or not. Recent implications, made by the American Health Board, suggest that Rush Limbaugh has in fact not even taken a single look at the Weight Watchers program's prospectus, as he was reported to be America's fattest illegal immigrant in broadcasting.
[edit] Cole slaw and pickles: support of Freedom
Limbaugh supports freedom when it benefits himself. He came up with this idea five minutes after Howard Stern declared he supported censorship when it benefited himself.
[edit] Books Eaten.. I Mean Written by Limbuagh
- "Kill them all"
- "I like to eat, a lot"
- "Are You Going to Eat That, Rush's guide to Seconds"
- "How to lose weight (and gain it back)"
- "For the Last Time, Jabba the Hutt is Not my Father"
- "Drug Problems for dummies"
- "How things ought to be, and if they are not I will yell until they are"
- "How I Suffocated A Million Black Children in the Folds Of My Skin: How I'm Doing What AIDS Should've Done Years Ago."
- "30 ways to cook Liberals(And eat them, too!)"
- "Liberals are at it again: A log kept by Rush Limbaugh"
- "Diary of an Old Fat Man, by Rush Limbaugh"
[edit] Lunch:Restless Leg Syndrome
Rush had said that he found a clean source of energy. He said, "Get the people who have 'Restless Leg syndrome' to power the generators at all power plants. Limbaugh himself is known to suffer from the restless leg syndrome, resulting from a battle injury which he contracted through sexual intercourse with minors during the Vietnam war, spent by him exclusively in his Villa located in Los Angeles, North Mexico. For years, Limbaugh, had been doing extensive research as an attempt to establish whether he was a cripple or still useful to society, thus connecting his edified contemplations of creating a more efficient and clean source of energy with his research on finding benefits for the restless leg syndrome
[edit] Snack: Pharmaceuticals
Limbaugh has on many occasions sampled young Brazilian boys. He has also tried medicine including DEMT, GB127, Viagra, and Friends of Bill Clinton (FOB). None of it made any noticeable effect, but for the Viagra that put him to sleep.
[edit] Afternoon Delight: Conservative Dry-Balls Syndrome
In 1999, Limbaugh was convinced by noted genius Mark Levin that he suffered from Conservative Dry-Balls Syndrome, and hastily agreed to receive "treatments" from Levin, often live on-air. Listeners to The Rush Limbaugh program are often treated to the aural evidence of Levin's oral ministrations.
[edit] More Snacks: Rush Limbaugh and illegal immigration
In the wake of the immense controversy created by the 2006 immigration debate, Premiere Radio Networks issued a statement declaring that they would continue to follow their conviction, despite applicable U.S. immigration and labor laws, that employing illegal immigrants was still "the right (and possibly most cost effective) thing to do in low-quality-brainwashing broadcasting business" and that Premiere Radio Networks will therefore continue to pollute the airwaves with the neo-conservative rants and raves of Rush Limbaugh a.k.a. Rodriguez Miguel Sanchez (his confirmed identity, est. 2001). Despite Sanchez's alleged hostility to all the bastard descendants of Ricky Ricardo, it is now a well known fact that he maintains pluralistic marriages throughout central America, and has fathered close to five thousand children, all of whom apparently know better than to cross the border into the United States, because "daddy might sell us to the Chinese". Rumours of a relationship with an Ecuadorian hermaphrodite have been crushed by his press agent, who insists that, "Mr. Limbaugh has never even visited Ecuador. He finds that the best hermaphrodites money can buy, congregate in Salvadorean hill villages".
[edit] Dinner: Handing Michael J. Fox his ass in 2006
In October of 2006 Limbaugh courageously took a stance at Parkinson's victim Michael J. Fox. Fox, at the time, was deviously raising money for stem cell research and to cure Parkinson's disease, and during a campaign commercial for stem cells, was inconsiderate enough to not control his disease, and instead continued shaking as he normally does. God's one true son Limbaugh proudly put Fox in his place by mocking his violent seizures, making jokes about his condition and broadcasting that on his web site. It was Rush's proudest moment in life.
In contrast the cowardly Fox did not have the guts to retaliate by reminding America that Rush was dangerously obese, had no college education, was deaf and had a broken penis.
Later that year Rush accidentally ate Fox during a hot dog eating contest.
It should be noted that "Fox" in the previous sentence refers to Michal J. Fox, not the news station. Rush did attempt to eat Fox News Network on April 7th, 1996, but station managers managed to direct him towards the NBC stations instead. Limbaugh was mercifully distracted by something shiny, which he promptly ate.
[edit] Supper (also known as Seventhmeal): see also
- Howard Stern – without who-who-whom Rush Limbaugh would never exist
- Sean Hannity – world's biggest Rush Limbaugh brown-noser
- Neocon
- Matt Moore – illegitamate gay/bi-curious nephew of the paternal side of the Limbaugh family.
- Fatty
[edit] Post-Supper Supper: Worthless Trivia Worth It
- Rush Limbaugh gets an orgasm every time he refers to the Democrats as the "Democrat Party". As a result, Rush has to change his underwear about 500 times during the course of his show.
- Rush died in 2145 when the Republican party disbanded and had him assassinated before he could spill any more of their dirty secrets.
[edit] Dessert: External links
- UnNews:Reid sells Limbaugh's Letter
- Rush Limbaugh Eats Everything
- Rush Limbaugh Pledges His Allegiance to the Führer
==Ninthmeal: References==steve wants to rape mike and alex wants to make love to jacey who is gonna look like christa in 30 years and teddy wants to fuck scarface so hard that when he cumms the sperm will travel out his body and scarfae will puke it out and wants more with darth vader's light saber as a strap on
- ↑ Ha, ha. Just kidding. I just wanted to shake your soda.
Capitol: Rockport, Texas
