São Paulo

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VÁ TOMAR NO CU! This article is of Brazilian mood and hates Argentina. It may talk about things like football, samba, monkeys or Portuguese jokes. You can talk with its authors seaching for them on Orkut web site or in a Tibia server. Be careful, because this content is controlled by the evil television channel Globo. The Squid president welcomes you for a fantastic adventure in a true Brazilian favela while dancing like a crab.

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“Did you mean: "Counter Strike"”

~ Google about São Paulo

“Open Your bibles in Corintios 1; Versicle 2”

~ Priest starting to give the mass

“PUTA MEU! THE TIMÃO LOST AGAIN MEU!”

~ A fucking idiot supporter of Corinthians saying a big shit after the priest words

“RUN TO THE HILS!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFES!!!!”

~ Bruce Dickinson singing about the rain falls in São Paulo

“I Love to live here!!!!!”

~ You in the station of Sé at 6 PM in São Paulo

“Something happen inside my heart..”

~ You after take a shot in front of International Airport Of Guarulhos

“Relax and Cum..!!!”

~ Marta Suplicy for the Paulistano stuck the transit of avenue 23 of Maio in afternoon friday at the end of the day

“"Terrorist Wins!"”

~ Counter Strike about São Paulo

“"Puta cidade ducacête meu!”

~ a PCC member about São Paulo,after stop the city with riots

“"Vô ti assaltar meu!!”

~ a Litlle Kid ready to assault you in São Paulo

“You have the face of my fourth girlfirend meu!”

~ One nerd trying to get a lady in São Paulo

“Oxente bixinho, nóis paulista sabi qui aqui em sum paulu só tem cabra machu!!”

~ immigrant Northeastern lying about they had been born in São Paulo

“I don´t wanna see this ugly people anymore...”

~ The brazilian rock band IRA! answering immigrants Northeasterns who lie about they had been born in São Paulo

“TRAMP,TRAMP,TRAMP!!!”

~ Gilberto Kassab Mayor Of São Paulo sayin this words for a Northeastern

“After seeing the beautiful landscape of the Tietê River, my eyes never more turn another so beautiful landscape...”

~ Steve Wonder about wonderful view of São Paulo

“Smells like Sao Paulo”

~ Joe Carioca on Sao Paulo

São Paulo

‎
Motto: "Tramp,tramp,tramp"
Official languages	Portuguese,Japanese,Korean,Italian,English and Spanish
Mayor	Gilberto "The Tramp Hunter" Kassab
Established	1554
Currency	Counter Strike
Opening hours	24 hour party people except july when start the Gay Parade
Civic anthem	"Something Happen Inside My Heart,When I Take Shot on The Corner Of Ipiranga and São João"

São Paulo, most known by the title of " The New York of Latin-america", it´s the biggest and ugliest,polluted city from galaxy, it´s the most important finnancial center of Latin America,just because all citizians have big debts on the banks and the people need make loans,and this loans move the economy of debts on debts. It´s the biggest producer of craps of the world,and the citizans call the city a biggest sewer open air.

São Paulo is nationaly called Atlantis,thanks to the ordinary floods on the nicknamed "land of the drizzle". Obviously this is a joke, since it rains more in São Paulo than in time of Noah.

The paulistanos are persons seemed the human beings, but they wear suits, they sleep - 2 hours per day and drink coffee instead of water, breathe carbon dioxide instead of oxygen. Oh, yes, to understand why they cannot drink water, take a look at the river Tietê to see what a big crap! Also they are owners of a sad accent a la Sabrina Sato that annoys all the national population. Figures as Faustão illustrate well this characteristic. For their survival, paulistanos require to be born inside of an imprisoned car in the traffic in one of the roads in the city, surviving of candies and other foods produced for signal salesmen, one of main the source of income of the economy of the city, being only behind the turn of the Drag Queens of the Augusta Street and world-wide the pertaining to school excursions to the Cracolândia (Crackland), main tourist points of the city. Obviously this article was "written" by a carioca, since you can see that he merely used BabelFish translator, proving the point that all cariocas are a bunch of lazy bastards!

Contents 1 History 2 São Paulo Of XX century 3 Sprouting of the paulistano people 4 The XIX Century 5 The XX Century 6 The End 7 Politics (Summarized) 8 =The São Paulo Quarters 9 Other Quarters 10 The Football (Soccer) Teams 11 Weather 12 The Different types of Animals 13 Typical Paulistanos 14 Tourist points 15 How Do You Know Your Friend Is Paulista? 16 Curiosities of São Paulo

[edit] History

São Paulo is an enormous land piece that was donated as a captainship for some noble Filho-Da-Puta(son-of-a-Bitch),and was established the Village of St.Vincent. Later anti-communist satanic priests they had gone up the mountain range and they had established a college to alienate the indians of the region. Sumo Priest gained as much power that it dominates the region until the present. The city has the name of São Paulo due to this priest who is its protector, call Pablo Maluf. Originally, the captainship of São Paulo was one of poor of the country, because São Paulo never it liked to work. To survive, they had treated to arrange slaves, indians and blacks, to work for them. For return of century XVII, Kicking the ass of the slaves, they had started to practise the sport that marked the intellectual formation of the paulistana elite: invasion robbery, booty, contraband, tax evasion, private incarceration, collective rape, kidnapping, murders, infanticide, parricide... and everything more than can be summarized in the concept of "bandeirante". When they did not have more indians to enslave and to kill,the natives of São Paulo they had been without having what to make - and ran the danger to have to work. To get worse the situation, in the end of century XIX the abolition of the slavery took off the sustentation of the system of the economy of the state - that it consisted to do any fucking shit all the day,all the work are the slaves do it,if they don´t do it the bandeirantes beat them.worked to keep the status quo. The natives of São Paulo had been so angry with this "treason" of the 13 of May whom they had decided to turn republicans, to knock down the imperial government. He was invented, therefore, the Foderativa Republic of Brazil, plus an organization based on the exploration of the work of many in benefit of few. A shining idea that only could exactly have come of the "bandeirantes". But although to arrange places in the new "government", the paulistanos still ran the risk to have to work because, after all, they did not have who worked for they in the farmings. Not to have that to give hard, they had decided to import foreign man power. He was thus that Italian, Portuguese, Spanish and Japanese they had come to São Paulo, trying to gain the life, while the paulistanos continued being thankful skies for being able to keep scraching the balls, With as much cheap man power giving to soup (the true is half-slavery) and paying wages of hunger, was easy to create the first industries, that would transform São Paulo into the city and the State richest of the country. Shortly afterwards they would go to invent that crap of "locomotive of Brazil", an chat absolutely gay and that she leaves the gauchos piss off.So they Invented the republic, the natives of São Paulo if had joined with together the miners to keep scraching the balls while the common people rude gave hard. There he came the revolution of 30, that this piece of cake threatened. The miners, as always, had been smart and given a skill not to lose the party. But the natives of São Paulo had been crazy and they decided to reply: they had declared war to the government, in a pretension ridicule never seen in these brazilian lands. The obvious result of that the paulistana history a flame of "Revolution of 32" - and that the remaining portion of the country defines as "The Punk Tumult" was that São Paulo lost the war.Thanks to this military defeat and politics, the paulistanos had decided to make revenge well know fags.The first one determined that no public areas had the name of Getúlio Vargas,Second he is that the public areas and quarters had of a bunch of crap names of the country (as "Itaim-Bibi", "Moóca" and other paulista things),Brazilian will think them that they were creating a language. Most colorful, however, it is that the natives of São Paulo find that the "Revolution of 32" was very coll and annually commemorate milltary parede to the proper defeat.

[edit] São Paulo Of XX century

In middle of century XX, São Paulo grew very - and therefore the biggest small city of the country is considered. As this growth threatened the paulistana vagrancy again, them they had had one more time to count on the other people's man power to continue coçando the bag - and had imported millions of northeasterns, to which they call "Baianos", to be able to catch in the heavy one and to construct "minhocões"(The Big Worms). With the end of the Age Vargas, the paulistanos had been able at last to plead its return to the center of the national power - thus to be able to freely exert its aversion to the work. The forces retrograde of the country if had congregated and started to act politically in acronyms that represented the conservative way not only but, over all, the national vagrancy, with prominence for the paulistana vagrancy. It is thus that they had obtained (and they obtain) to put year after year put one paulista to governing the contry, members of the house of representatives and presidents of the Republic whose professional resumes do not pass of three lines.

[edit] Sprouting of the paulistano people

According to Professor Darcy Ribeiro(The author of "the Brazilian People", 1999), Argentine is a bunch of son a bitches because they were a half dozen of underdogs dripped in Buenos Aires when, suddenly, had arrived 35.367.765 European immigrants suddenly, had arrived 35.367.765 European immigrants. Result: the Argentine turned a people without personality, envious, with great vocation to be or a gay,Paulistanos always was vangloriaram of being a city that received from open arms all the peoples of the planet. However, they do not know in which conditions these immigrants had come and for where they had been ordered. At last, the history books are very romantic in this aspect, however somebody that makes a history college and it does not have only knowledge of basic education or of propraganda partisan at time of election it knows as if it gave such as if it gave such racial mix. The paulistana race such as we know today if gave centuries after where Italian, that they had run away from the south of Italy because of the enormous misery, they had come here and when jumping the farm fencies to fuck the African black slaves had finished for creating this mix of race that today calls "paulistana".Little before, the bandeirantes, which said and the paulistanos believed that they heroicly went taming the interior making to grow "glorious" the State of São Paulo and blah..blah...blah..the truth went are promoting the trade with innocent aboriginals behind of gold and sex, solely raping or killing the poor indians. It is standed out that this everything is proven fact enters the specialists of our history! it happened! But they do not want that she is divulged openly! "they" are paulistanos famous professors of USP (Universty of São Paulo)and other universities,with stronger bonds from the politicians. After century XIX she occurred that the São Paulo government, seeing the desperation of millions of "European Blond Boys and Blond Girls",make a big markting advertasing to European and Japanease pepole with the promisse of lands and more lands,and these when arriving here they see everything was a big liar. And they mix other millions of northeasterns, Northeasterns which that they came in also wood-of-ploughs because of the propaganda of the São Paulo government, aiming at satiated and cheap man power contrabalancing the european man power, specialized and expensive.and also contrabalancing in the genetic structure of the people whom if it formed there. Europeans had come as "to clean",and making beautiful the people of São Paulo,what, as we can seee,was the big mistake,they had obtained is to create the "beast people" Perhaps only people of the planet that can be as "ugly like the devil",in the popular language, or as "genetic aberration" in scientific terms. Finally, now, in the new millennium this race without cultural identity, that it only knows to reproduce culture of the other places, without personality, faces these rebelled immigrants. Either in the slum quarters, with the northeasterns forming the PCC (Frist Command of Capital) or Italians in well moved away cities, for not joining more, forming nazistas groups with bald spots, skinheads, Japanese and Jews, all lock themselves in its familiar quarters and and its mafias. The Koreaan people touch the fake store, as well as the Bolivians in "industries" of fake that if adaptaram to the modern slavery, making to survive the streets around the 25 of March street. However, all live forever happy (to the way of them)...

[edit] The XIX Century

What known on this period of the history, which was overcast for the great flood of century XIX. In this flood all the registers of the time if had lost and had been taken by the water of the Museum of the Pitangas for the next big pool. The safe registers and animals in the coffer of its Noah had been saved only, of which many had been killed by the other animals.

[edit] The XX Century

Time where São Paulo if became uninhabitable because of acid and extremely radioactive rain. The rain drops crossed the thickest flagstone of concrete and shields of cars of juízes. The problem was aggravated when the thermal inversion left São Paulo without enough oxygen in the surface and congealed the River Tietê. Motivated for these problems, they had started to be constructed the high building in the São Paulo Avenue to look cool air in bigger altitudes. The price of the cool air can went off generating one high demand for the product. Peidar also started to be a passível crime of punishment for execution for the PCC.

[edit] The End

In 12 of January of 2007, an enormous crater appeared in the quarter of Pinheiros, decurrent of the secular workmanships of the subway of the yellow line, foreseen to be finished in 31 of February of 3857 d.r.c(after it Christ return). The mathematicians of the institute datafuck affirm that after the withdrawal of an enormous and colorful derrick (lay called crane) yellow that it was in the place would not have more danger. Ledo deceit. Practically a beam of sustentation of the city, the withdrawal of the crane made of that small hole in Pinheiros a crater of size of universe ratios, swalling all gigalopoly. The situation was so calamitous that a campaign of charity of the Globe was necessary (to the molds of the Child Hope) to join deep and to reconstruct the city and, after 150 years, today it does not pass more danger. Therefore the monarch of the city Pablo Maluf IV studies an integration never before seen in the entire world: the integration with 4 linea with the Tokyo subway,the Vatican e (they astonish) Rio De Janeiro - passing for the center of the Land and arriving at the Acre(already he is there excessively, this fucking place not exists).

[edit] Politics (Summarized)

Currently, in the city hall of São Paulo it has one the most disputed election of brazil,if you won you have big chances to win the election for the Government of the State. As the city is great excessively, the power of the mayor was subdivided for the calls "Sub-Mayors", that they had been divided in "Sub-sub-mayors", that they take great part of the decisions based on its wills and personal interests (not confuse with siths). The fact of the city is common to be abandoned of an elect Mayor for vote, and to clamar for a vice one in the position. It is the case of the current mayor, who nobody knows the name, never saw the face, but it knows that much thing is, again, going from hell.

[edit] =The São Paulo Quarters

• Center: Also known as beggarspolis or city of the corinthianos, it is the region with the biggest number of beggars by square meter in the Universe as well as the raising number of declining-ugly-fat prostitutes. The region is divided in old center, shelter of old traditional beggar families and new center, shelter of the neo-beggars (aka failed immigrants from the north). Center is also known by the its very active commercial area, commercializing manufacturing products of remarkable quality. In this business, market share is divided between northeasterns (representing all the Ocidente) and Chinese (Representing Asia). Recent information indicates that the Nigerians (Representative of Africa) are also focuzing in this market, seting a civil war in this province in order to take commercial control. Being a very international area, Bolivians captured in the Bolivian-Brazilian War are also found,kept in slavery for owners of underground sewing factories. Needless to say, in the center you can find an open market of dope. The Center however so is so big that was subdivided in some quarters, that are described bellow:

• Brás: It is a poor, barren, dirty place, obstructed of northeasterns, the difference of the remaining portion of the slum quarters of São Paulo is that you can find some Salim or some Kim. The only thing that is sold in this quarter is weaveeed, fabric derivatives and substance cousin for fabric.

• Sé: It is the heart of São Paulo, where the center point of the city is located. It is famous for the source of beggars. Recent researches concluded that in this area there are 21 homeless people to each proper (which is not the best word to be used) inhabitant. It is still not comproved but there are suspicions that this homeless people are not tipically born, but generated from the water of the fountains in the Sé Square. In case you visit this region, do not forget to visit the Cathedral of the Sé also located in the Sé Square, where you can observe human interaction, protests and representatives of all religions(except the traditional catholic mass) praying outloud and trying to convert hopeless people. Another attraction of this area is the Tallow door where you can either purchase a used book or hook up with a used prostitute, it is mental and physical entertainment guaranteed!

• Bom Retiro:The only things that exist in this quarter are clothes, variants of clothes and accessories for clothes. In the past this neighborhood and business were dominated by the not-as-rich-as-the-Higienopolis-ones Jews, but since Koreans arrieved and opened academies of Taekwondo and restaurants that sell the famous dog soup, there are no tracks of the previous occupants houses. Only once in a while you can see a fellow with funny looking curls, great beard, and big black coats (despite the heat of 30º degrees) wondering around.

[edit] Other Quarters

• Aricanduva:Known quarter as Brazilian Venice, or Urban Pantanal, has canals instead of streets. The problem is that the inhabitants are so imcompetent people the point to make the structure of the house below of the level of the street, therefore any rain that it happens for there already kills half of the population. The quarter is not only less populous of the city because each mother has ten children.

• Arthur Alvim:It´s the quarter where the people if find da middle class decrease, but na truth does not pass of needy poor persons wanting to compare living of Penha quarters, its station of subway have the biggest record of assaults in the city,it is stipulated that they happen about 50 assaults per week, and there is COHAB 1, a full vertical slum quarter of outlaws and traffic.

• Butantã: It´s the another version of Aricanduva on the west zone, only that instead of flood it has weed that grows and occupies almost all the University of São Paulo (USP)campus. Perhaps the heading of Urban Pantanal is still more appropriate since there is no civilization there.

• Barra Funda: A place disfigurated, below of the level of the sea, because of an earthquake. Therefore nobody deferred payment Is famous there for the famous Malignant Tower of the Record TV (Enemy of Globo Network in Brasil), that always is turning... turning slowly, or either Edir Macedo is of eye in YOU! It is also where is the building of the Lalau (a famous judge who stolen money from a building project to buy ferrari,jaguars and mercedes benz)but nobody care about this.

• Belenzinho:It is the branch office of the city where Jesus was born. Guard great similarities with the Belém of the Galiléia, also in the armed conflict of dealers and infractors of the Febem.

• Bixiga or Bela Vista:Known for being the only quarter where it has suppoters more of the Palmeiras that of the Coritnhians(This is in the Mooca, not in the Bixiga). She was famous because for those bands it had a slaughter house and the remaining portions of the animals were poured by the streets of the quarter. It is where it has the biggest concentration of theaters of the city, where the number of added seats gives to 4 times the population of the quarter. The name "Beautiful Sight" is pure irony currently. What if it can see of better for is the building of the Banespa and awuful the viaduct there East-West, where if they register something around 225dB of racket in the hour of rush. Total dominated for Mama Camorra.

• Cidade A. E. Carvalho:A quarter inhabited for outlaws of worst level is, that they live in the slum quarters or the COHAB's of this quarter direful and dominated by the PCC.

• Cidade Tiradentes:Ugly, dirty and infested place of slum quarters. The sewer runs the sky opened in fear of lost bullets. Tiradentes city is the 3 hours of the tip of the world, when passing for City tiradentes, you will fall in a hole without end.

• Capão Redondo:It is the best sewer of the city, whose tax of 3 homicides varies enters m/m² (death for square meter) in the summer and 5m/m² in the remaining portion of the year. Completely dominated for the traffic.

• Carrão:It is in the zone east and alone it has residential houses. Nor the proper inhabitants recognize that the quarter exists: almost everybody that deferred payment says that deferred payment in the Tatuapé there, not to be a clown. It does not possess a subway station. The one that has this name, only sees,near from the Tatuapé.

• Casa Verde::It´s thw worst version of the Carrão for the zone north, only that a little worst because the subway exists there. The Green House is for São Paulo what the Acre is for Brazil and the Guyana for America: nobody nor remembers that it exists.

• Ermelino Matarazzo:It is where it is the East USP. Total isolated of the city, it is only possible to arrive there of train. It only has northeasterns.

• Freguesia do Ó:The name is ugly. The quarter it´s the same thing

• Grajaú and Pedreira:Both Are the 10 minutes of the end of the world, of each 100 inhabitants, 80 live in the slum quarter, and 15 die before answering and 5 assault the interviewer, the 2 quarters are the edges of the dam billings, the full paulistana beach of dead bodies and excrements floating, had the dirty slum quarters, beaches and constant shoot outs, say that these 2 quarters are the ones that represent the violence of São Paulo very well.

• Higienópolis and Pacaembu: Quarters of the declining Brazilian elite. The inhabitants are grandsons of the barons of the coffee(who fuck the african alaves and never paid the italians for the work. Nowadays, although they don´t have a fucking shit, apart the property, they still pose as rich people. Higienopolis that is also known as the Jewish neighborhood has more jews/m² then Israel. Those are the quarters more envied by the inhabitants of the Jardins.

• Itaim Bahiano:For nerds São Paulo Itaim, it is a quarter similar to Are São Paulo Miguel, that it only obtains to be worse still, about 90% of the streets are not tarred, only the avenue Marechal Tito who is the main one has asphalt, has 99.919% of streams running the opened sky, only in the theory, because in it practises the slum quarters they had even taken by streams and they are in top of them, is more close to the center of Guarulhos the one that the center of São Paulo, Chuck norris was 1° arriving in this quarter, says the norris legend that Chuck looked a bathroom, then there as it did not find a private one made his crap exactly in the Itaim.

• Indiaquera and Baianases: For nerds they are known as "Itaquera" and "Guaianases". They are composites 100% for the classic poor person: it twists for the Corinthians (until the station of the subway it is Corinthians-Itaquera), they almost die with the crowd in the bus and the subway to go to work of the other side of the city as mason, doorman, house servant or operator of telemarketing, and the only fun in the weekend is everbody run to the poor house from a friend to eat barbecure of cat, to take beer and to dance pagode(an awful song created in são paulo)with the friends.

• Ipiranga:Quarter hated for all the Brazilians, therefore was there that Peter II make his crap and after this historic moment Brazil was born. Nowadays it is inhabited by a declining brazilian middle class. It is also the only word that most brazilians say properly from the whole brazilian national anthem.

• Itaim Bibi:Quarter where it only has rich people know as pattys (girls act like alicia silverstone in Cluess) and Playboys they think they are the best thing ever happen in the world.

• Jabaquara:It has its composed population of 1% of inhabitants, 25% of inhabitants of the ABC who make swilling of the buses from Metra for Blue line of Subway and 74% of surfer,maggots and similar that goes down to Kingdom of Santos. It has as tourist attraction the airplanes that pass giving levelling trying to go down in the aircraft carrier, ooooops..i mean..err...airport of Congonhas. Total dominated for the traffic.

• Jaguara:Quarter of "exiled politicians" of the Soviet Union. Here you have the pleasure to listen to the people speaking a language without vowels, total different of the remaining portion of the city! Beyond you never knowing where it is the bakery or Pub for those coarse letters. Only place of the world where the people have pride in being Russian or Polish. Dominated for the Russian Mafia and the Reversal Russian.

• Jaguaré:It is a quarter with many playboys that they study in the USP, and needy poor persons of plus a slum quarter that is in the delinquent, slum quarter with sight for shooping Villa robberies, is a quarter of great inaquality, a side the rich and gay they are São-Paulo suporters but the others call them Bambis,because when they see a black man they run to suck his dick with pleasure,and of another side are corinthians suppoters,they are poor persons who stolen hot dog stand everyday.

• Jaraguá:Also known as Jaramaica the land of the paulistanos reagee lovers and is also the place where Peak of the Jaraguá bes situated the sacred mount, the point highest of São Paulo and the postal card of the quarter, of can there be seen the sanctuary of the Silvio Santos, the building of the SBT.

• Jardins: Four quarters also of the Brazilian elite... Are also the biggest redoubt of concentration of fags by square meter, that if concentrate in the celebrity shopping Gay Caneca.Simply A Luxuryyyyyyyyyyy baby!!!!!!

• Jardim Ângela and Jardim São Luís:It only has slum quarter, dealer and lost bullet for everything how much it is side. One says that 110% of the housings of these places they are slum quarters. In the truth more people die there of that in Iraq. The advantage for the inhabitants is that they can say without lying that they live in the Gardens, and the Sul.Apesar Zone to say I oppose it, Jeremias was born and grew there. according to history, was a chic place of the one there than all the remaining portion of London, more Chuck norris arrived there and quarter did not like it... the remaining portion as you know it´s history.

• Lapa: Another paulistano quarter that if divides in four, according to correctors of Skyscrapers of the Carlos Weber: From above Lapa, Down Lapa (these two divided by the Line of the Train), Park of the Lapa (next area to the cemetary, place of the end point of the 8615 Pq of Lapa-Terminal Park Peter II) and City Lapa (gotten worst version of Moema). Quarter total without favour of if liveing, because nor reform if can make in the houses. Celebrity for calm street 12 of October and for the biggest free fair of the World, known as Ceasa (or Ceagesp for more nerds). He possesss one of the best public hospitals of Latin America, the SOCORROcabana.

• Liberdade:Japanese neighborhood that hosts more Japanese than Tokyo. Dominated for the Yakuza and otakus o_O "To the night, a great variety of prostitutes" exists fucks for the Old guys,who like to fuck and never pay.

• Marsilac:Well Father Quevedo says this is "non ecziste" proof of this are that they say that of there gives to see the sea, has a reserve of Atlantic Bush and alone if arrives of helicopter. In full city of São Paulo. the legend says that the quarter has seen for the sea, since it´s from 8 km of the coast.

• Mooca:Here they are maledettos the pizza makers are the carcamanos Italians and nonnas. The inhabitants of this quarter are known as Mooconheiros and are the only ones in the country whom they twist for the Juventus (it´s another juventus your uniform is red wine like torino the biggst rival of juventus of turin) a little football team it´s like the 4 team of all paulistanos but so far, one the worst teams of são paulo. In the truth the Mooca is a species of napolitan branch office in São Paulo, and until the inhabitants they find that they are in another city, as much who had invented until a anthen for the proper quarter. Dominated for the Mafia.

• Moema:For those who have money, it´s the éden of the city. There is no other place in the world that has more luxury prostitute flats then there. Therefore it is the preferred place chosen by the troublemakers executives in general to live. The problem is that other troublemakers beyond them exist that they circulate for the quarter - what justifies the high index of attacks by teen street gang that happens all day.

*Morumbi: Headquarters of the biggest stadium of the city, the La Bambinera. Quarter more frequented by the inhabitants of the Jardins ,99% by bambis and gays, the mansions of the rich guys are in the high part, while the slum quarters are in the part low. As well as Rio De Janeiro that has the Baía of Guanabara, the Morumbi also has a sewer the open sky: the River Pinheiros (that still he is cleaner than guanabara). In the Morumbi also it is where it is mansion of Sílvio Saints, the Domus Abraveneum.

• Parelheiros:Although everything, has the "honor" of still being called São Paulo, is the 2 hours of the other tip of the world, there deferred payment the Little Jaimie the mailman. It is a good place for who does not like civilization, therefore the white man still did not arrive until there.

• Penha: It is the quarter of the bros. Who goes until this necessary slope to go prevented NEVER to look at for any chick, NEVER go dressing the shirt of the Palmeiras,or you will never found your way back to home.

• Perdizes/Pompéia:It´s another maledetto italian middle-class neiboorhood,there have many pizza makers and have they your own pizza delivery and there you NEVER can wear the coritnhins shirt,or the italian mob never let you go home again,there have a school founted by Nuns of order Sacred Heart of Jesus,there have the most hot girls of the city,but be careful there you have the risk to be a daddy,the girls don´t let you wear condom.The quarter are divided by 2 sides,One side, it only has the students declining marijuana users of the PUC and the wrost musicians you ever heard in your life.the other side, it hosts the great stadium of the city: the Parque Antarctica,and the hills were you can easily you can put your car in the vertical line, therefore its streets are absurdly vertical,no other place in the city have this.

• Perus:Mysterious quarter located beyond the civilization.

• Pinheiros:If Moema is the quarter of whores of luxury, Pinheiros is the quarter of the children of these noble ladies: almost all the politicians and former-mayors of the city live in this place. The children of them are the punks who pass the day in some Pubs of the Madalena Village taking about how the unfair are the modern society (less with them, he is clearly), and the wives are others whores of luxury, that always make the purchases of month in the Daspu.

• Pirituba: Considered for many as the Acre of the city, land of put pagodeiros the rich ones. The inhabitants affirm that they are descending of dutches, only not to say that they are poor northeasterns. By the way, the marijuana consumption and the gays things of the quarter are similar the Amsterdan. It is the land of important personalities as Your Mother, Inimigos da HP and Snoopp Dogg. Dominated for the traffic.

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• Ponte Rasa:Everybody that conplain pavement of this place,and always speaks there that deferred pavement worst than penha, the only people who know this quarter are the people who use as route the avenue São Miguel,just Monsters Trucks or 4x4 can pass there.

• São Miguel Bahiano:More known as "São Miguel Paulista" for nerds, tambem known as the enclave of the Bahia in the capital: 99,99 % of the inhabitants are northeasterns, restane are son of northeastern, married northeastern, or are northeastern friend. It is the native land of the great singer of the jealousy Antôno Landmarks and of the singer brega-sertaneja Roberta Miranda. It has a strong separatista movement that it wants to separate the quarter of the city, therefore had its secular autonomy annulled for the Militar.A Dictatorship diversion in the week ends is to full the face in the Bar of the Coquinho and the 20,000 bars that infest the quarter (a average of 1 bar for each 10 habitantes).Tambem can be rented to films pirates who detonate its DVD or be taken care of of the other people's life in wheels of ladies who talk about soap-operas.O sport of the quarter are to make the famous stolen TV cable singnal in the weekend, to put with the robbery of the handles of poles and the subistitute of same for fiber the optics, the laborious people of St Michael City created a new category of commerce:THE TV DIGITAL FOR POOR PEOPLE HACKER SIGNAL He is so to look its friend who made 3 years of ready FATEC and - you have a clone card to access the Net Digital, the SKY Digital,the TVA Digital. Dominated by the traffic.

• São Mateus:One of the quarters corinthians suppoters of the zone east,so imagine like it is, a favelado quarter, a quarter divided in 3 districts in the theory, more in the truth are 3 favelisticos complex, is close to city tiradentes and the end it world, the others 2 districts they are iguatemi and they are St.Rafael, where it has much farm, and much invasion of slum quarter, the garden of the conquest for example, conquered for the MST, and is the quarter where the brothers and chicks of the zone east,dance funk, or sings rap, or dances axé music in the biggest shacking ass style.

• Santana: It has the sambódromo and horto forest. It is in the north zone and is inhabited by a declining middle class that tries the cost all to imitate the noble quarters of the south zone, only that without the same ability. It is the quarter most populous of the city and occupies all the portion north of the city of São Paulo. Exactly who deferred payment in other holes of the region as Village Guillerme, Tucuruvi, Cachoeirinha and Brasilândia invariavelmente says that they live in Santana. Old the line of the subway finished in Santana but the asshole inhabitants found that in the truth the station of Santana was the first one.

• Santo Amaro:The terror of the work party. the quarter neighboor are maker for companies multinationals and its CEOs. The curious one is that the quarter also has two theaters, but none shopping decent for close. It is where if it finds the paulistano candidate to New the Seven Wonders of the World: the Statue of the Borba Gato.

• Sapopemba :It is a quarter where 90% of the population smell marijuana and smoke cocaine, this exactly, they are high and arrive at this point, its chic places are the mount of the jardim Elba, where it is the wonderful barracos that are true sculptures wooden, and why it teotonio COHAB vilela, where gentily, inhabitants they do not obtain they live 5 years followed and they die of lost bullet, and thus they open space plus a family to obtain its "apê" in the COHAB, does not say that vó of tati quebra barraco liveed in sapopemba and was elect miss sapopemba of 1624.

• Tatuapé: Quarter divided in two for the line of the Subway. Of a side (where she has the Corinthians), the poor persons of the quarter live. In the other the new-gays live new-rich, new-troublemakers and. They say the harm-languages that in this quarter deferred payment Its Creysson, since all tatuapeense it has money but it does not know nor to sign the name. The best way to annoy a tatuapeense is to remember it of that it deferred payment in the zone east. If it was of the will of it, it would raise a wall of Berlin in the Aricanduva Avenue for the remaining portion of the east zone not to pass nor close to the quarter. Of the poor part... Nor valley the penalty to cite, in one has swims there beyond a track of race for bus that goes so fucking far, also known as Celso Garcia.

• Tucuruvi: There it has the first station of the subway... Or she would be the last one?

• Vila Formosa:The quarter if divides in three parts: the cemetary, where it only has deceased, the ANALia Garden Chicken where the pseudo-rich ones live and the remain of the quarter that is total pseudo-ANALia Chicken.

• Vila Madalena:Simply the biggest concentration of punks,drunkers and philosophers of register of the planet (it only loses for Rio De Janeiro and Paris)

• Vila Maria:It is a extreme-poluted quarter, where it exists flow and reflux of truck the entire day. It is in the exit for Rio De Janeiro and Belo Horizonte. The entire quarter is supported by the companies of transport of loads and assembly plants of truck. He is famous for having been electoral base of Jânio Quadros, after its death his pictures had stolen its body of the cemetery and they had hidden it in some abandoned shed and to rent (or either 80% of the quarter) and owners have hope of this quarter can be batter than morumbi some day.

• Vila Mariana:Quarter of old, near with the Park of the Ibirapuera. More of the half of the residences they are apartments of hospitals. The families who live there find e rich and traditional, in majority, prevent contact with common, contradicted people when they appear in St John party in abandoning lands.

• Vila Nova Conceição:Quarter of new-rich with dogs and children,also the it´s the favorite scene of the Globo Network Soap-Operas when the bitch of the main character change her life to live in São Paulo.

• Vila Prudente: First quarter of the Zone East between Ipiranga and Mooca is a quarter where the inhabitants find that they are rich because they had bought one house and they make a place to take a sun in the midlle of the favela,there have many punks very and marijuana users, expensive flat and a lot assholes giving one of nice guys, where do not leave the bakery Center J, and everybody says that it studied in the crap school of John XXIII.

• Vila Ré:Quarter with bigger concentration of assholes for cm³ and does not matter for where it goes has somebody put the eye on you and speaking about you. Many inhabitants if deny to speak where they live because the jokes of double-sense on the others quarters.

• Great São Paulo: (Called like this, although nobody knows WHY GREAT??? Since there is no great in it.) Peripherical region of the capital that shelters the people who don´t have enough money to live in the East Zone of São Paulo. Generally, its inhabitants like to say that the 25 or 30 minutes far from the center of São Paulo, that in a 42 speed of 100km/h means 50km, what it means that in the truth they live in Ferraz de Vasconcelos, Suzano, Osasco, Carapicuiba, etc... They also brag themselves to say that, depending on the traffic are the same thing who if liveed in the south zone and had that to work in the zone north, being wanted to lie - for they themselves - that also they live in Sào Paulo, although to live the edge of the city. The region of bigger prominence of the Great São Paulo is the region of alphabet (as if somebody it knew to read in that bunch of shit) ABCDOGHIJKLMNPQRSTUVXYZ, formed for the trilogy Dos Santos (Santo Andre,Diadema,São Bernado dos Campos and St.Caetano Do Sul) and also for the cities of, Osasco and Guarulhos. All the others are only derivations of these first ones in such a way in regional culture how much in violence, misery, corrupt enticement and policemen. the best for a little is São Caetano Do Sul, that says the legend that is the best city to live itself in the country, with the best place to live on the the all state of São Paulo,but must have done the research with the employees of GM. Total dominated for the traffic.

[edit] The Football (Soccer) Teams

The one and favorite sport in São Paulo is Football (soccer). If you are born in São Paulo you could possibly support 5 different soccer teams:

• If you are a Brazilan-Italian, eat spagehetti and have a italian grandfather who worked on a coffee farm and lives on Pompeía (Pompei) neiborhood, you will support Palmeiras.
• If you are gay, white and rich you will support são paulo fc.
• If you are a Portuguese-Brazilian, have a mustache or your grandfather is owner of a Backery, you will support Portuguesa Of Desportos. ( but it is so embaressing that you will avoid telling your friends)
• If you are an African-Brazilian or Native-Brazilian, a drugdealer or a prostitute, you never read a book on your life, all members of your family have already had a picture taken (by the police) and you support PCC you will also support Corinthians.
• If you are an African-Brazilian or Native-Brazilian a nostalgic,you miss hearing Pelé Signing "ABC" and your dream is to live near the beach,you will support Santos Football Club

All these supporters have one thing in common:

• After their team's victory, they break everything on Paulista Avenue, just to celebrate.
• After their team's loss, they break everything on the Paulista Avenue, just to release stress.
• After their team's draw, they break everything on the Paulista Avenue, just to have some fun.

[edit] Weather

Paulistanos love to say that the weather in São Paulo is pleasant, although it is common knowledge that it is NOT. In one ordinary day, it can be observed a very cold and humid morning, that makes crowded busses' windows foggy (since it is "cold" in the morning, sick population avoid opening the busses windows, creating a very comfortable sauna sensation). Later in the day, around midday it can be observed 2 hours of spring/summer (making business men, dressed in suits, sweat like pigs during lunch time). Around 6pm, when everybody is returning home from work and the traffic jams are already caotic, torrential rains occur. Flooding in average 5 houses and killing around 40 inhabitants/minute (yes, in each flooded house, the average of inhabitants is pretty high). But dont think that this affects the density of the city, since for 40 that die/minute, there are other 5000 borning.

The difference between summer and winter is clearly seen at night. In summer time, paulistanos do not sleep, since it as hot as hell and in winter they do sleep, covered with at least 4 heavy blankets. ( in Brazil it is not common to have nor air conditioning nor heating systems)

[edit] The Different types of Animals

• Whale
• Pitbull
• Underdog
• Pussycat
• Monkeys (sometimes they attack the town)
• More Pitbull
• The Mutant crocodiles of sewer Alligators
• Chicken
• Dick
• Pigeon
• Fly
• Bambi
• Mosquito
• Mouse
• Cockroach
• Mutants (where already a metropolis without mutants in the sewers was seen? I never see but that they exist, oh Yeah they exist.)

[edit] Typical Paulistanos

• Gays
• Paulista
• The Organized Football Suporters
• Thief
• The Pizza Makers
• Pagodeiros
• Emos
• Indians
• Japanese- founders of the state
• Punks
• Tramps
• Security guards of Shopping Malls
• Proud Paulistano that thinks MASP is the center of the world-wide culture, that São Paulo is excellent despite the beggars, thinks São Paulo Fashion week with dictate fashion in a couple of years, reads Sees in general
• São-Paulinos (A.K.A BAMBIS/ gay soccer supporters).
• Headbanggers
• Gangsta
• Whores
• Tramp
• The Funk Lovers
• Neo-Nazi
• Cosplay | Otakus (^.^)
• Mcdonalds|Attendants of Mcdonalds
• Girls who think life is like in the movie "Clueless" = Particinhas from Morumbi (aka Land of Rich Fags) also seen in Shopping Iguatemi
• The Jews from Higienópolis
• Arab|Lebaneses with big noses
• Refugees from Cotia
• Bahianos - there are more of them in SP than in Bahia
• MOTOBOYS
• Your Mom

[edit] Tourist points

• Palista Avenue
• Gallery of the Rock:Before dominated for Rock musicians now it is the preferred Shopping of the Emos.
• Museum of the Pitangas
• The River of the flowing boobage
• Aircraft carrier Airport of Congonhas (at least for millions of Paulistanos it is)
• The La Bambineira: stadium of the São Paulo Football Club (A.K.A BAMBIS),the frist stadium of the world where the suppoters can sit on dildos.
• The Tietê River:Like the Tamisa river but the big difference is the First open sewer opened air of the world.
• River Sewer of Pinheiros
• The Kart track of Interlagos
• Principality of the Tatuapé
• The holes on the streets
• The lilac line of the subway system
• The strike of the subway workers
• Strike of the bus drivers in the same day of the strike of the subway workers
• Square of Sé
• Square of The Republic
• The Augusta Street and Her Drag Queens
• Frei Caneca Street or Frei Barbie or Gay Caneca
• Daspu and Daslu:Daspu is a store for poor whores the Daslu is for rich whores
• Flat of Bruna Surfistinha:The Famous whore of são paulo house
• The Great Hole of the pinheiros subway
• The Grand Canyon of the subway
• 25 Of March:It´s the street where the koreans sells all your ilegal products in shoppings of Law Kin Chong,the king of piracy of são paulo
• Old deposit airplane of the Tam
• City Of São Paulo Stadium Paulo Machado De Carvalho (A.K.A Pacaembu):Staduim of under management of the city hall ,but the suppoters of corinthians call that place of "house",but in the truth and they are only team of the city don´t have your own stadium,so they have to pay to use this stadium or pay the Bambis to play the matches.
• Cocaine Lima
• Lake of the Ruffles Potato
• Jardim Ângela
• E now the Bus Terminal of Tietê(que also turned Tourist point thanks to curse the fall airplanes)
• A 150Km traffic jam.

[edit] How Do You Know Your Friend Is Paulista?

• If he feels moved when looking at the sky and seeing the stars for the frist time in his life and starts to cry.
• When driving,he fells satisfied when going over 100 meters without stopping
• Has fear of the police
• When listens some place is far, already thinks about taking the subway
• When listens some place is close,he makes the bags for 3 days to live inside the car.
• When he sees a city without building or with more than 2 trees, finds bizarre.
• He passes the entire week waiting the weekend to enjoy himself in the ballad (cheap translation of balada).
• He finds normal to walk with a guide of streets in the car, knowing that in it of nothing is correct, since cartographers of São Paulo had never been found
• He knows that it is not nothing good to live in the Zone East, nor in the Crap of the South Zone
• He sees somebody screwing up the traffic and yells "Ô baianada do Caralho!!!"
• He says that São Paulo drivers are the best in the world, for the mother who talks the cellphone while she crosses the redlight, distracted for the sandwich that fall in the driver seat, loses control of the car and passes to the sidewald and runs over on a granny.
• He does not matter the size of the holiday, just for the fact it is holiday, he runs for the beach, even though, in trully speaking, he spends almost all holiday on the traffic jam to get to the beach.
• He organizes many events to win a good money from the assholes otakus (stupid japanese culture lovers - cosplayers) every saturday.
• He organizes events for GLS people all month congregating millions of Fags,and still has no ideia how many gays lives in São Paulo
• He finds the nature of the Parque of Ibirapuera pretty, but the truth is that he never has time or motivation to go there
• He don´t know 10% of his city but still says he does know pretty much all...
• He gets very angry when somebody from outside town knows something in São Paulo he doesn´t know
• He finds the best that all the international rock shows are in São Paulo and gets piss off because the Rock in Rio is in Lisboa.(still happy because it is not in Rio...)
• He doesn´t understand why the paulistanas give a fuck for the gauchos,but the truth are they more gays than the paulistanos.
• He´s favourite record store is the Saraiva Music Hall, or for the "underground" rich people, FNAC
• He´s first friendships had been made in the old building he lived when a kid.
• He knows at least five workmanships makes for Pablo Maluf
• If it rains,he complains of floods. If it does not, he complains of dryness of the air, the water lack and the excess of pollution
• He is really proud of the Paulista Avenue, but since it is always stuck in traffic jams, does everything not to drive over there.
• He finds very strange cities those which doesn't have McDonald's, Starbuck´s or Pizza Hut.
• In the winter,he goes to Campos Do Jordão ( the brazillian Switzerland)
• He classifies "nature" like an substantive abstract
• He leaves home after 1am on Saturday night and he still hadn't decided to which night club he will go.
• He does not understand, why the people of other cities have to wear the best clothes to go to the McDonald's.
• And he knows São Paulo is poluted, has the most caotic traffic on earth (apart from Rio, but thats because cariocas are not mentally able to drive), has crazy people running from one side to the other all the time, is true hell, but even though, he doesn´t leave São Paulo for nothing in this world!
• In other words, he's gay...

[edit] Curiosities of São Paulo

• In São Paulo, lives the são-paulinos,that normally they are paulistanos and for coincidence also they are paulistas.
• In São Paulo you can find the ancestral ones of the monkeys: the corinthianos.
• In São Paulo have the biggest parede gay of the world.
• In São Paulo you can see the air.
• The urban perimeter of São Paulo starts in Tokyo (, also call, "Liberdade") and finishes in Genova (or "Mooca").
• São Paulo has only one corner - Av. Ipiranga with Av. São João - but there just have baianos.
• São Paulo was planned by the same architect who planned the Favela da Rocinha.
• In São Paulo the bros catch the chicks
• In São Paulo, all exclamation can be made with the formula:Puta + any word in portuguese + ducacête + mêu!. Ex. When start to rain:"Puta chuva ducacête mêu!", When he watch a nice movie:"Puta filme ducacête meu!".
• In São Paulo all the men speak as if they had with the obstructed nose and the women as if they suffered from mental retardation.
• In São Paulo the word "work" was substituted by the word "trampo", what it made with that the natives of São Paulo still more liked to work.
• The paulistanos bind for his parents from minas on 3 of the dawn and say "E aí? Belê?".
• São Paulo has two airports and a hangar for intergalatic ships, but you have that to go the Campinas if to want to travel.
• To leave São Paulo you have that to pass for at least 42,73 tolls
• In São Paulo, you it can use its car on friday, between 4:00-5:00 of the morning or in the Sunday Easter between 2:00 and 2:10.
• São Paulo is not Brazilian territory since 1933, when the city was annexed for Porto Alegre for a governor of Austrian origin Getúlio Vargas
• São Paulo is the only city of Brazil where not exist supporters of Flamengo.
• But,supporters of Flamengo in São Paulo,but exist many supporters Flamengo than the Portuguesa de Desportos.
• São Paulo stole the pizza recipe of the Italians in the famous War of Troy, that happened in Rome (a city in Naples that has a tower called "pizza tower").