Sega
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“Dude, We Were Rivals And Now We're Freinds,WTF”
~ Nintendo on Sega
“I have a dreamcast”
~ Martin Luther King Jr. on Sega
“YEEEEEEEAAAAAA!SEGA!”
~ That Weird Flying Blue Head on Sega
“seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeegaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa”
~ singing intro voice on every sega game on sega
“Italian slang for male masturbation.”
~ Urban Dictionary on Sega
Contents |
[edit] Management
After Segata Sanshiro retired to the mountains, only to come out and punish children for not playing video games, he left the day-to-day management of Sega to a board consisting of R. Kelly, Bugs Bunny, Jacob Junior, Black doom, and your mom. There is a rumor that Oprah, Your sister, and Lesbian teenagers own the majority of stock, which has notable feminist influences in recent sonic games, such as "Sonic Respects Women Whilst Collecting Rings". William Jefferson Clinton is routinely seen in a vulgar sonic the hedgehog costume "prancing about" (quote unreferenced) in the Sega boardroom. It is because of such shenanigans that furry art exists on the internet today.SEGA RULES at sex and poker bitch!!
[edit] Sammy
Sammy was the son of Segata Sanshiro (as seen in the biopic of his life The Pursuit of Sega Saturnness), he had plans to take over his father's company and rule the international market of paper bags. He was later foiled in 1997 when he discovered neither he, nor his company were able to produce paper bags and he had been leading the company to ruins. He would soon start on a product worthy of release, which he dubbed the Dreammachine, released in Europe as the Probotronic due to censoring. All humans were replaced with robotic puppies, named AIBO and all gunfire was replaced with spray cheese from a can. Sammy later managed to physically merge with the company and took over part of China, which he called "Taiwan" after his great-great grandfather and inspiration.
(Side Note:) Gamers have considered Sammy a hero. This is commemorated on the 31st of November by one man who can't read a calander.
[edit] Salvation
In 1991, Sonic the Hedgehog, started his mission on Earth. Through the prophet Yuji Naka, he was able to take Sega and do as he wished. If anyone said otherwise they were smited by God, comprende? Sonic created the Holy Sega Genesis and released his story onto the consle. Sega became the top holy consle and Nintendo was doomed. However, after Sonic's untimely death at the hands of Chuck Norris, Bugs Bunny took over and ballsed up. Sega lost its holy status forever.
[edit] Products
Consoles
Sega are renowned for many a console that has changed the course of history. These consoles include-
- M4st3r N00b-pwning Syst3m
- Genesis
- Exodus
- Leviticus
- Saturn Sega (Known By Your mom as Sega Saturn)
- Paul's letter to the Thessalonians
- Mega Drive
- Game Gear (known in Russia as the GEAR GAME YOU!)
- Dreamblast (Known by n00bs as "Dreamcast")
- Nintendo Wii (it's all really a facade - Nintendo was bought out by Sega in 2005, after the dismal failure of the Gamecube).
- Atari Jaguar (Sega have revoked all knowledge in the funding of this console)
- Sega Pluto - discontinued when it was deemed to no longer be a console.
Games
Sega's Xtensive games catalogue includes -
- Sonic the Hedgehog
- Sonic the Hedgehog 2
- Sonic the Hedgehog 3
- Sonic the Hedgehog 4
- Hedge the Sonichog
- Sonic & Knuckles - the world's first and only lock-on game (Sega got complaints of the cartridge eating all their other cartridges)
- Phantasy Star Offline
- NiGHTS Trapped Into Dreams (It was created by sega to trap kids in their Saturn Sega Console)
- Sonic Rush
- Flip Wilson Vs. Gomorrah I, II, III IV, V, VI?, and seven.
- Sonic Does Dallas
- Alex Kidd Experiences Puberty
- Sega Rally
- Sega Presents Othello
- Credstroy - The Ultimate Credibility Destruction Simulaton
- Destroy everything
- Destroy everything 2: destroy it again
- Destroy nothing: Destroy everything 3
- santa
- santa two: save summer
- A crappy version of street fighter 2
- Uncyclopedia vs wikipedia
- Good game missing
- good game missing 2: still missing
- empty cartrige
- superman vs superman vs superman vs superman vs superman vs superman vs superman vs superman vs superman
- Safe sex
- Sonic explains Safe Sex
- Solitaire (after having stolen the idea from Nelson Mandela)
- Freecell (as it always goes with Solitaire)
- Starcraft
- The Ultimate Oprah Simulator (Sega built Oprah especially for the publishing of this game)
- The Ultimate Oprah Simulator (Includes interview with Sonic)
- Jet Set Radio
- Random - the world's first and last random cartridge game
- Sonic the Hedgehog 3
- What the hell was that?
- What the hell was that? 2:What the fuck?
- Dr.Phil VS. Godzilla
- Dr.Phil VS. Godzilla II:Terror in Tokyo
- Dr.Phil VS. Godzilla III:The Problem Hasn't Been Solved
- Dr.Phil VS. Godzilla IV:The Problem Still Hasn't Been Solved
- Dr.Phil VS. Godzilla V:The Problem has Been Solved, But Another Problem Arose a Few Minutes Later
- Dr.Phil VS. Godzilla VI:The Fifth Sequel was Just an Excuse to Make This One
- Dr.Phil VS. Godzilla VII:We Made You Wast Your Money AGAIN
Operating Systems
Sonic Rush is most renowned of their games, but that is because it was secretly made by Shigeru Miyamoto, and everything that Shigeru Miyamoto touches is inherently the best thing ever. Luckily, it was released into the human world. The games plot deals with Sonic attempting to teach people the ways of the Cult of Sonic, but he is foiled by Dr. Eggman and Eggman's bastard son, Eggman Nega. Luckily for Sonic, he is helped out by his new sex slave/co-star Blaze the Cat, who is good enough to be Sonic's sex slave because she is blazing hot, get it?
[edit] Horses
Horses roam freely throughout the everglades. Wonderful, but severely unrelated. Damn fine four-legger. Also: Beavers and Frogs.
[edit] Idiocy
It is rumored that Sega, to date, has continued manufacturing new generations of video game systems. Sega is rumored to have gone so far as to have third party developers subsidized by the millions with Sega's play money to develop $200 million dollar blockbusters for the 512-bit Saturncast Dreamtard Extreme Portable. When asked by IGN as to why none of this development had made it to market, Hiato Morimatsuki said "What? Profit? Market? Promote? Balderdash! Hogwash!" and so on.
[edit] Words that you can make out of SEGA
- AGES
- SEGA
- SAGE
- EGAS
- GASE
- ASGE
- ESAG
- EAGS
- SEAG
- SAEG
- ASEG
- AEGS
- GAES (Gays)
