SNP
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| WARNING This article pertains to Scottish things, dae nothin tae to fix this. It is recommended that while reading this article you wear a kilt, drink Irn-Bru, eat Jock pies and sing Auld Lang Syne loudly. Failure to observe these precautions could cause you unexpected distress and a life of misery in Falkirk. | 
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“C’Mon Alex, give me more policies, I want to imitate your bad ones and petulantly refute your good ones”
~ Gordon Brown on SNP
The SNP a group of brutal tyrants that currently share the rule with London over Scotland, they were founded in 1938 and temporarily deposed in 1942 and reinstated in 1950, the current dominant male is Alex Salmond.
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[edit] Current Status and History
Pàrtaidh Nàiseanta na h-Alba or the PNA (also called the Scottish Nazi Party or SNP in English or to avoid being confused with the Palestinian National Authority) is a political party within Scotland that think that Scotland should be a part of Norway because that would really piss off the English. Their leader, First Minister and former Mr Universe model Alex Salmond is devoted to the thought of an independent Scotland and can't wait to move into Balmoral Castle if the Queen finally gets evicted out of Deeside. When the SNP came into being, they intended to make Scotland even more useless in the world. The SNP is also completely useless as it has no authority outside of BBC interviews.
SNP members regularly laugh, laugh, and laugh at the piss-poor snagglepuss-voiced antics of sucker-faced Wendy Alexander and that rancid boot Cathy 'ratmincentatties' Jamieson
On the 3rd May 2007, the SNP were managed to talk people in to thinking that they were not in fact English Hating, neo Nazi fuckiwits and were in fact a good old fashioned political piss take. The illusion lasted 28 hours. After the pricks won the election by won seat, by a margin of 500 votes as long as you don't include the 1500 Labour votes which Alex Salmond ate, the set about building a coalition. Unfortunately everyone hates them. Yes even the LibDems hate them; the Lib Dems don't even hate junkies and the hate the SNP.
If they become independent Salmond will make sure that every one should be fat bastards just like himself. He also intends to run around the streets of Edinburgh and hug and kiss everyone within reach, bollock naked. Then Scotland will re-name September as Salmondtember.
The big lump of lard intends hold rallies in the streets and tends to make Islam the number one religion in Scotland. In the future, he intends for people to call him "Mein Fuhrer" or "Uncle Adolf" for the kids.
[edit] About the Party
The SNP controls 2 of the 7 seats within the Scottish Parliament in Holyrood, Edinburgh and was founded at the Battle of Bannockburn near Stirling in 1314 when a couple of guys at the back of the infantry had finished playing their game of cards. Nowadays, the party has grown into a crack political team consisting of Alex "Fat Bastarding" Salmond and Nicola "whore house" Sturgeon who like to piss and moan at anything Labour suggest or Jack McConnell says. Little is it known that the SNP currently run Scotland seeing as Scotland is run using the following:
- 1) SNP make suggestion.
- 2) Labour laugh at SNP and talk about how crap their idea is.
- 3) Labour go home and think about it some more.
- 4) Labour go and realize it was quite a good idea in the first place.
- 5) Labour goes and pass the motion and claim it as their own idea.
[edit] The Leader
The leader of this rag-tag band of morons is a strange man called Eck the Fish. Some take pity on the fat man- his inability to answer questions has lead to suggestions he is deaf, or perhaps stupid. Others with a reasonable amount of IQ realize that he is preferable to Union Jack McConnell, Annabel 'Jabba' Golding or any of the assorted piss-away-your-vote parties.
The name of "Salmond" is no coincidence. It is not well known, but Alex was actually the result of a breeding experiment gone badly wrong. Scientists tried to breed Sean Connery with a salmon, hoping to create a super-espionage fish to spy on the Russians with. However, the experiment backfired and the opposite happened- instead of a super-fish, what we got was a man with a distinctly salmon-like face. This could also explain his obesity, but the most people think he just eats way too many custard pies.
[edit] SNP Policy's
- Rebuild Hadrian's Wall... and make it taller.
- Become a province of England and be grateful.
- Build giant cannon to fire all Scotland's rubbish and sewage down to England
- Allow French military and nuclear missile facilities to be built in Dumfries and Galloway
- It's Scotland's oil, let's burn it.
- Let fishermen fish.
- Make poor people rich.
- Make rich people poor.
- Free higher education.
- Bring World Cup 2018 to Glasgow.
- Complete outlawing of cricket or anything resembling it.
- Physically disconnect Scotland from the UK so its real, Irish style independence.
- Full member state of the European Union.
- Wage war on England.
- Make sure Scotland continue their tradition of not reaching major international football events.
- Make people in England accept Scottish bank notes.
- Ban Scottish companies moving abroad.
- Ban Morris Dancers in Scotland.
- Ban No Smoking Policies in England.
- Full acknowledgement that Scotland invented the chair.
- No more than one Once-World-Cup-Winner alongside Scotland in any qualifying groups.
