STD
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“You can't spell students with out STDâ€
~ Oscar Wilde on STD
“In Russia, STD gets you!â€
~ Russian Reversal on STD
STD is an acronym meaning Shit Tit Dickings. It is an umbrella term used to describe all forms of sensual diseases, including the love bug, and heart-ache. STDs are unique because they are the only diseases that seem to pre-dominantly come in pairs. However, there are extreme forms (eg, love sick) where the virus only attacks one person. These are easier to diagnose, but much harder to cure.
The diseases are also strange as no virus can be located by modern day virologist experts. Due to this, the study of STDs has now been overtaken by so-called love doctors and TV chat show hosts. Famous examples of these so-called neo-virologists are Jerry Springer and Rikki Lake.
Teenagers (especially teen males fond of emo music) have been shown to be prone to the disease. One theory of how it is transmited is that its a music-transmited disease (MTD), and is inherent in all emo-music. Research has shown the string vibrations of an eclectic guitar, when blasting out a hit by Dashboard Confessional, seem to correspond to the vibration of the love bug proposed DNA molecule. This has yet to be proven beyond doubt.
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[edit] Term history
The acronym was coined in the sixties to describe the rise of STDs amongs hippies, and other proponents of communism, anarchism and free love. Though denied by the US government, it is a commonly held belief that STDs are a man-made disease to erradicate anti-capitalist and pre-marital sex activists (see further).
New research by George Lucas, though, shows that they were designed by Jesus: as a right of passage for men, and to show which women you should avoid. However, the study was highly critizied by homophobe Jack the Ripper.
[edit] Symptoms
Though symptoms vary from disease to disease, there are a couple common symptoms that are included in all of them.
[edit] Longing
This symptom is a mix of a total abandonment of reason and the feeling of emptiness when the partner-victim is not around. When affecting both diseased partners, these short-term symptoms can be suppressed by a phone call, an e-mail or a text message. However, when the diseases are in its it mosts concentrated form (ie, only affecting one partner), longing usually result in a restraining order.
[edit] Large phone bills
This is closely linked to longing, and usually affects the wealthier of the diseased partners. Little is understood about this symptom, though it is theorized that the virus is tech-savy, and can be spread via phone lines; large telecom firms have denied this, however.
[edit] Shitting out STDs
An extremely painful cure........ by just simply taking a dump but you have to stand up and force it out it takes 5-50 weeks to do this and it may lead to a rash and death (DUN DUN DUN...........)
[edit] Intelligent design
Creationists believe that God created the STD to keep the general happiness of teenagers and high-maintenence individuals down to an absolute minimum. They use a verse from Rev. 18:9 as evidence:
And a yong teenager appeared before me on a horse: In his left hand was a guitar, and in his right a pick. And for all those who heard the sickly music, happiness never returned.
Scientists reject this claim however, on the grounds that it is not a genetic trait, and that it would surely evolve out soon, along with the death of emo.
[edit] The republicans did it
Conspiracy theorists claim that STDs were created by the Republican party to make voters self-obsessed, hence making the evil liberals and hippies less likely to vote. When questioned by a reporter, George W. Bush is quoted to have said:
Emo? Yeah, that Emo surely was a crazy fish.
[edit] People With STDs
- James Bond
- George Bush
- Oscar Wilde
- KingVictoria
- Your Mom
- William Shakespeare
- Captain Picard
- Chuck Norris
- TURTLE(HE GOT IT FROM RESA)
- Derek Martinez
- The Neopets Team (Who actually /are/ an STD, all by themselves)
[edit] Other meanings: Small Tits Disease
Small Tits Disease is a less commonly used alternative meaning of of the acronym STD. It is mainly found in females and has a enormous mental and social component. Current lines of therapy rely mainly on surgical breast augmentation. Chinese herb medicine has been proven successful only on Caucasian sufferers in clinical trials.
Surprisingly, suffering from this Small Tits Disease has a protective effect on contracting a sexually transmitted disease, although the protective mechanisms are not completely worked out. Some scientists suggest is due to the mating-preferences of the average male STD-carrier.
[edit] Other meanings: Soup Tracking Device
This invention was developed by Chinese Master chef Christopher Lloyd. The invention was the result of many frustrated evenings of being unable to locate soup. The STD solved all these problems and led Lloyd to success in the culinary arts.
[edit] Trivia
[edit] Amos 'n' Andy
- In season 12, episode 9, the Kingfish tells Andy "Go an' fin' me one a dem STD thangs".
[edit] Dora the Explorer
- In season 67, episode 285, Dora meets and hugs a giant STD which later spits in her eye.
- In season 112, episode 5, a STD rapes Boots, Dora's sex slave.
[edit] Happy Days
- In season 6, episode 9, Chachi gives Joanie a STD as a birthday present, insisting he made it himself.hey now..
[edit] Family Guy
- In season 4, episode 20, Stewie continually beats Brian with a STD.
[edit] Fibber McGee and Molly
- In season 16, episode 11, Dr. Gamble is looking for a STD, and Fibber McGee opens his closet to look for one, with hilarious results.
[edit] I Love Lucy
- In season 1, episode 27, Ricky finds a STD stash in Lucy's purse.
Note that it was later revealed lucy had a STD all along
[edit] Saturday Night Live
- In seasons 20 through 23, a recurring gag has Molly Shannon wearing a STD on top of her head.
- In seasons 28 to present, the show contains one large recurring STD that never ends.
[edit] Seinfeld
- In season 2, episode 9, Elaine says "Maybe a STD ate your baby".
- In season 7, episode 7, Kramer, Elaine, Jerry, and George compete to see who can go the longest without a STD
- In season 46, episode, 2, Kramer mutters "These STD are making me thirsty".
[edit] Shakespeare
- In act 4, scene 2, of Troilus and Cressida, Horacles says, "I would lief be thrust thr'u a quickset hedge as cry pooh to a callow STD."
[edit] The Simpsons
- In season 2, episode 4, Bart steal's Mrs. Krabappel's STD.
- In season 4, episode 8, Homer picks his nose with a STD.
- In season 8, episode 16, Grandpa explains that in the olden days it was the style to wear a STD on your belt.
[edit] South Park
- In season 1, episode 1, Cartman gets a STD shoved up his ass.
- In season 3, episode 4, Kenny is killed by a STD.
- In season 5, episode 8, the boys befriend a talking STD named "STDie".
- In season 11, episode 14, cartman refers to his STD as a "fireman"
- In season 12, episode 5, in imagination land, a muffin gets STDs to the eye socket
[edit] SpongeBob SquarePants
- In the original pilot episode of SpongeBob SquarePants, SpongeBob's STD can be found on his face.
[edit] Transformers Armada
- In season 3, episode 17, Hot Shot and Rad discover a Minicon that transforms into a STD and often attaches itself to the crotch of nearby Transformers. Unnamed Minicon later made a few cameo appearances in Transformers Energon, most often in the presence of Omnicon Arcee.
[edit] Everybody Likes STD
- Everybody Likes STD was spin-off from Everybody Loves Raymond. It was unpopular and was axed by NBC after 19 seasons.
[edit] Lost
- In episode 5, Walt tells Shannon not to touch the STD during a vision.
