Salsa Shark
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“Daa dun... Daa dun... Daa dun da dun da dun da dun da dun... Salsa Shark... Da dun da dun... We're gonna need a bigger boat!”
~ Dr. Randal Graves on the Salsa Shark
Salsa Sharks are a rare and oft-forgotten species of shark, usually found in everyday salsa containers. Mysterious and deadly creatures, it is advised to stay as far away as possible, as they have been known to take down not one, not two, but three bears single-finnedly.
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[edit] History
The salsa shark is believed to have originated from the mythical "Salsa Sea", which also said to have spawned Mexico and DinoJesus. However, where the salsa shark came from is irrelevant; scientists often agree that it is not where they came from that matters, it's how to get them the fuck back there.
[edit] Diet
The majority of the salsa shark's diet consists of HUMAN FLESH! Salsa sharks are believed to eat anywhere from zero to two humans every year, and injure tens of innocent snackers every month. Despite their zombie-like affinity for the human tortilla, salsa sharks will never dine upon an Eskimo, a fact that parka and mukluk emporiums have enjoyed dearly over the last several years.
[edit] Environment
Salsa sharks, like their water-based pussy cousins, are unable to survive in the open air for an extended period of time. If removed from its chunky home, it will enter a state of emergency hibernation, transforming its outer skin into a desiccated husk that is often confused with tortilla chips. Upon salsa contact, the seemingly-harmless snack chip returns to life, and violently consumes its would-be comsumer.
Salsa sharks can survive for a short amount of time in hot sauce, though this is not recommended, as it only tends to make them angrier. Sour cream should never be used as an alternative to salsa; don't say we didn't warn ya.
[edit] Talents
Salsa sharks are known stage entertainers, and often rise to the ranks of the Broadway elite. However, after an incident during a production of Holocaust: The Musical, in which a salsa shark was placed in water and immedietly exploded in a bellowing fireball, directors have been hesitent of using salsa sharks in their productions.
Salsa sharks are also natural singers, but can only do so while submerged in salsa. It is said that the song of a salsa shark causes instant and multiple orgasms, though no scientific proof exists.
