Samuel Alito

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“Look, I didn't say they were monkeys, I just said they looked like monkeys.”

~ Samuel Alito on race relations

Dare to gaze into the face of evil.

Samuel Alito is a demon of great power who has long waited in the shadowy darkness, waiting, lusting for a chance to emerge and wreck his bloody doom. DOOM! For fifteen long years he has waited in the underbelly of the Circuit Court system, occasionally feasting on the blood of the weak and helpless, before retreating back into his disguise of a humble impartial man.

Can you deny it? Look into his red eyes. Hear his deep and thundering voice of doom. Famed vampire hunter, Ted Kennedy, knows it. Desperately he and his fellows have tried to warn the world. Why don't you listen to them?

Join us in opposing the forces of Alito before it is too late!

1 About Alito
2 Fighting Alito
3 Corporate interests
4 See Also

[edit] About Alito

Alito's ridiculously hot daughter, awkward son, and pug-ugly wife. Bill Clinton (background) later banged his daughter. Even in his old age, Bill overstreched Laura's tight vagina and she was rushed a nearby Virginia hospital.

Alito is assuredly one of the great fallen angels. Originally recorded in the "Book of Enoch", Alito takes his place among those 200 first cast from the heavens. Once this Lord of Hell comes to the bench and joins his fellows Scalia, the demon of the strict insistence on fair jury trials, Thomas, the demon of the color-blind constitution, and Roberts, the demon of No-French-Fries-on-the-Subway, he will be there for life, and he will never die.

There on the Supreme Court the ancient vampire will pursue his plan of subjugating us to the will of the written Constitution, binding us to the will of the cold dead hand of history and subjecting us to the wills of eighteenth century men known for such horrid deeds as establishing civil rights, creating democracy and beginning the abolitionist movement.

When this happens, all civil rights will be huffed. Black people will sit in the backs of buses while being beaten by police officers. Women will have to use the tried-and-true coathanger method to get an abortion, but only if their husbands say so. Mexicans will be shot on sight. There might be plagues of locusts, too.

Famed vampire hunter Ted Kennedy has recently dug into his files and discovered a variety of memos that show, beyond doubt, that Samuel Alito is a vampire. These memos have also proven that he was a member of the KKK and ate babies. Ted Kennedy says there is no reason whatsoever to question the authenticity of these notes. Also, according to totally reliable unnamed sources, Samuel Alito shot Lincoln.

Alito, Mr. Kennedy has revealed, likes nothing more than to prey on the weak and helpless, such as women, children, Blacks, gays, and criminals, who have no one to stand up for them besides a major political party that made the laws for more than half a century.

[edit] Fighting Alito

Alito's weaknesses include goodness, truth, happiness, and love. These things make Alito make a noise kind of like "WRRYYYYYYYY" and shrink back in pain. Please use them on him at all oppurtunities. Garlic and holy water are known to work too. Crucibles should be avoided, however, because while Alito has shown no negative reaction to them, they may cause great danger to particular Justices if held by someone working for the government.

Valiant defenders of the people like Ted "More-Liberal-Than-Thou" Kennedy and Joe "I Hate Princeton" Biden are already combating this menace. With them, there is hope for a peaceful future. Join us today!