Samuel L. Jackson
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| NOT SAFE FOR PLANES!! |
| The snake you are looking at may not be plane safe! If Samuel L. Jackson saw this, claim that he did not look like a bitch. Otherwise, continue to read it until your snake urges are sated. |
SAMUEL L. MOTHAFUCKIN' JACKSON (BORN JANUARY THIRTY-FIRST, NINETEEN-FIFTY-EIGHT), ALSO KNOWN TO HIS ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS AS BAD MUTHAFUCKA, IS A SHARK EATING, SNAKE HATING, LITTLE-KNOWN CULT CANADIAN MOTHERFUCKER AND PRESIDENT OF MOTHERFUCKING ANTARCTICA!!! WHY DO YOU THINK IT'S THE ONLY CONTINENT WITHOUT ANY MOTHERFUCKING SNAKES??? I'M SORRY, DID I BREAK YOUR CONCENTRATION??? WELL ALLOW ME TO RETORT!!! IT'S BECAUSE HE'S THE PRESIDENT OF MOTHERFUCKING ANTARCTICA BITCH!!! HIS TALENT AND SKILL AS A MOTHERFUKING ACTOR CAN BE SEEN IN HOW EFFECTIVELY HE PLAYS A WIDE VARIETY OF MOTHERFUCKERS!!! HE PLAYS EVERY MOTHERFUCKER IN EVERY MOTHERFUCKING FILM EVER MADE!!! FROM "BOB" THE LONELY PLUMBER WITH A HEART OF GOLD IN "LOG JAMMING" TO THE NEUROTIC MOTHERFUCKER "TK-FOUR-TWENTY-ONE" IN "STAR WARS MOTHERFUCKER"!!!
JACKSON RECENTLY ENDORSED HIS OWN BRAND OF BEER, "SAMUEL L. JACKSON" "FUCK BUDWEISER, I'LL KILL THAT BITCH "Q""!
(Reader's Comment: Why do you have to talk that way?)
CAUSE THIS IS HOWS I TALK! HAVEN'T YOU SEEN MY MOVIES? MOTHER FUCKIN JUICE?! THAT MOTHER FUCKER WAS A GOOD ONE. DEEP BLUE MOTHER FUCKIN SEA? THEY ATE ME!! A MOTHERFUCKIN' SHARK ATE ME MOTHERFUCKER, AND I'M STILL MOTHERFUCKIN HERE!! YES, THEY MOTHERFUCKIN DESERVE TO DIE!! AND I MOTHERFUCKIN HOPE THEY MOTHERFUCKIN DIE AND MOTHERFUCKIN BURN IN MOTHERFUCKIN HELL!!
(Another Reader's Comment: But, I've seen your movies and you arent like that...)
MOTHERFUCKER FUCK YOU! YOU DONT KNOW ME!!
Contents |
Birth
Sam Jackson (Full name: Samuel L. Mothafuckin' Jackson), was born in Gotham City hospital on January 31, 1942.
On that morning, his mother, Janet Jackson, pissed herself to make her husband, the late Jesse Jackson, think that her water was broken. Being a Christian, Jackson didn't realize his wife was only three months along.
The story goes that, after driving through traffic with the Batmobile as an escort, the couple reached the hospital and, once a bed had been found for Janet, throwing off a homeless man with cancer, she revealed she wasn't actually giving birth. Oh, how they laughed.
That is, until Sam Jackson, annoyed he had been woken up in his womb for nothing, punched his way out of the womb using his kung-fuckin'-fu, killing his mother and his father.
Later in life Samuel L. Jackson discovered that the man he killed at birth was not his real father, his real father was Mr.T
Childhood
Born an orphan (does that make sense? Shit, I don't know), Jackson was sent to work in the acid mines of Gotham City, until he was three, when he was adopted by learned elderly Jedi master and condiment producer Yoda.
Moving into Yoda's penthouse apartment in San Francisco, young Sam learnt the ways of the Force, how to make damn fine mustard, and also began reading the Bible, in particular, Ezekiel 25:17, as one day, while making ketchup Yoda had a premonition: that Sam was destined not only to be a Jedi and a motherfuckin' kung fu master, but also....an actor. And that particular passage would prove very useful one day...
Motherfucking Filmography
- Motherfucker Racer (2008)
- Iron Motherfuking Man (2008)
- CloverMotherfukingField(2008)
- Phantasm V Motherfucker (2008)
- Motherfucker Hears A Who (2008)
- The Spiderwick Motherfuckers (2008)
- Semi-Motherfucker (2008)
- 88 Motherfuckers (2008)
- The Forbidden Motherfucker (2008)
- 300 Motherfuckers (2007)
- No Country For Old Motherfuckers (2007)
- Transmotherfuckin'formers (2007)
- Resident Motherfucker: Motherfuction (2007)
- I Am Motherfucker (2007)
- Motherfuckers of Fury (2007)
- Mr. Motherfucker's Holiday (2007)
- Harry Potter and the Order of the Motherfuckers (2007).
- Motherfuckers of the Caribbean 3: At Motherfuckers' End (2007)
- Meet the Motherfuckers (2007)
- Teenage Mutant Ninja Motherfuckers (2007)
- Grumpy old Motherfuckers (2007)
- March of the Motherfuckers (2007)
- Children of Motherfuckers (2006)
- An Inconvenient Motherfucker (2006)
- Motherfucker's Labyrinth (2006)
- The Last Motherfucker of Scotland (2006)
- Letters From Motherfucker (2006)
- Gridiron Motherfuckers (2006)
- Flags of Our Motherfuckers (2006)
- War of the Motherfuckers (2006)
- Little Miss Motherfucker (2006)
- Snakes on a Plane (2006) (also known as Motherfucking Snakes On A Motherfucking Plane)
- The Motherfucker Code (2006)
- SuperMotherfucker Returns (2006)
- Motherfuckers of the Caribbean 2: Dead Motherfucker's Chest (2006)
- The Motherfucker Wears Prada (2006)
- She's the Motherfucker (2006)
- Brokeback Motherfucker (2005)
- [[The Longest Motherfucker (2005)
- The Lion, The Witch and The Motherfucker (2005)
- Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Motherfucker (2005)
- The Passion of the Motherfucker (2004)
- Million Dollar Motherfucker (2004)
- Meet the Motherfuckers (2004)
- The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Motherfucker (2004)
- The Manchurian Motherfucker (2004)
- Motherfucker 9/11 (2004)
- The Last Motherfucker (2003)
- The Italian Motherfucker (2003)
- Motherfuckers of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Motherfucker (2003)
- The Lord of the Motherfuckers: The Return of the Motherfucker (2003)
- The League of Extraordinary Motherfuckers (2003)
- No Good Motherfucker (2003)
- The Motherfucker Revolutions (2003)
- The Motherfucker Reloaded (2003)
- The Lord of the Motherfuckers: The Two Motherfuckers (2002)
- Harry Potter and the Chamber of Motherfuckers (2002)
- Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Motherfuckers (2002)
- Motherfuckers of New York (2002)
- 8 Crazy Motherfuckers (2002)
- The Motherfuckers of Dog Town (2002)
- Bowling for Motherfuckers (2002)
- Captain Corelli's Motherfucker (2001)
- Harry Potter and the Motherfucker's stone (2001)
- Motherfucker and Silent Motherfucker Strike Back (2001)
- The Lord of the Motherfuckers: The Fellowship of the Motherfucker (2001)
- Mulholland Motherfucker (2001)
- The Motherfucker Diaries (2001)
- Waking Motherfucker (2001)
- The 51st Motherfucker (2001)
- Confessions of a Motherfucker (2000)
- Requiem for a Motherfucker (2000)
- Pokémotherfucker 2: Gotta Fuck'em All (2000)
- Pokémotherfucker (2000)
- Being John Motherfucker (1999)
- Motherfucker Club (1999)
- Motherfucker Wars Episode I: The Phantom Motherfucker (1999)
- Deep Blue Motherfucker (1999)
- Notting Motherfucker (1999)
- The Motherfucker is not Enough (1999)
- The Green Motherfucker (1999)
- American History Motherfucker (1998)
- The Englishman Who Went Up a Hill but Came Down a Motherfucker (1998)
- The Thin Red Motherfucker (1998)
- Saving Private Motherfucker (1998)
- Lock, Stock and Two Motherfuckers (1998)
- Dante's Motherfucker (1997)
- Chasing Motherfucker (1997)
- One Hundred and One Motherfuckers (1997)
- The Maltese Motherfucker (1997)
- The Madness Of King Motherfucker (1997)
- Motherfucker & Robin (1997)
- 8 Motherfuckers in a Duffel Bag (1997)
- Crimson Motherfucker (1996)
- The Usual Motherfuckers (1996)
- Things to Do in Denver When You're a Motherfucker (1995)
- Motherfucker Rats (1995)
- Nine Motherfuckers (1995)
- Die Hard With a Motherfucker (1995)
- Interview With The Motherfucker (1994)
- Forrest Motherfucker (1994)
- Pulp Motherfucker (1994)
- The Shawshank Motherfucker (1994)
- Four Weddings and a Motherfucker (1994)
- Motherfucker's Second Choice: The Reckoning (1993)
- Motherfucker II Society (1993)
- Motherfucker's List (1993)
- Reservoir Motherfuckers (1992)
- MIB: Motherfuckers In Black (1992)
- Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Motherfucker (1991)
- Motherfucker II: Judgement Day (1991)
- Beauty & The Motherfucker (1991)
- Robin Hood: Prince of Motherfuckers (1991)
- The Silence of the Motherfuckers (1991)
- Dances With Motherfuckers (1990)
- Tierna es el Motherfucker (1990)
- Motherfucker of Love (1989)
- Star Trek V: The Final Motherfucker (1989)
- The Little Motherfucker (1989)
- Dead Motherfuckers Society (1989)
- Phantasm 2: The Motherfucker is back (1988)
- Motherfuckers on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown (1988)
- Full Metal Motherfucker (1987)
- Three Men & a Motherfucker (1987)
- Star Trek IV: The Motherfucker Home (1986)
- Romancing the Motherfucker (1986)
- The Motherfucker Club (1985)
- Back to the Motherfucker (1985)
- Star Trek III: The Search for Motherfucker (1984)
- Saving Private Motherfucker (1984)
- ScarMotherfucker (1984)
- Blade Motherfucker (1982)
- Star Trek II: The Wrath of Motherfucker (1982)
- Pink Floyd: The Motherfucker (1981)
- Motherfuckers of the Lost Ark (1981)
- The Motherfucker Strikes Back (1980)
- Raging Motherfucker (1980)
- The Elephant Motherfucker (1980)
- Phantasm Motherfucker (1979)
- Motherfucker vs Motherfucker (1979)
- Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Motherfucker (1979)
- The Motherfucker Hunter (1978)
- Motherfucker Does Dallas (1978)
- Close Motherfuckers of the Third Kind (1978)
- SuperMotherfucker (1978)
- The Motherfucker Who Loved Me (1977)
- Saturday Night Motherfucker (1977)
- Star Motherfucker (1977)
- One Flew Over the Motherfucker's Nest (1976)
- Dog Day Motherfucker (1975)
- Monty Python and the Quest for the Holy Motherfucker (1975)
- Bring Me The Head of Alfredo Motherfucker (1974)
- Foxy Motherfucker (1974)
- M for Motherfucker (1974)
- The Motherfucker With The Golden Gun (1974)
- Godzilla vs Mechamotherfucker (1974)
- Soylent Motherfucker (1973)
- Enter the Motherfucker (1973)
- Deep Motherfucker (1972
- Mario Puzo's The Motherfuckerfather1972]])
- Motherfuckers Are Forever (1971)
- A Clockwork Motherfucker (1971)
- Dirty Motherfucker (1971)
- On Her Motherfucker's Secret Service (1969)
- Midnight Motherfucker (1969)
- Bitch Cassidy and the Sundance Motherfucker (1969)
- Sink the Motherfucker! (1969)
- Rosemary's Motherfucker (1968)
- 2001: A Space Motherfucker (1968)
- Night of the Living Motherfuckers (1968)
- Planet of the Motherfuckers (1968)
- Bonnie and Motherfucker (1967)
- The Good, the Bad, and the Motherfucker (1966)
- Soylent Motherfucker (1966)
- Night of the Motherfuckers (1966)
- Attack of the 50-foot Motherfucker (1965)
- For a Few Motherfuckers More (1965)
- The Sound of Motherfuckers (1965)
- Dr. Motherfucker or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Motherfucker (1964)
- Fistful of Motherfuckers (1964)
- The Motherfuckaleks Invasion of Motherfucking Earth
- The Motherfucker in the Stone (1963)
- To Kill a Motherfucker (1962)
- The Manchurian Motherfucker (1962)
- Mr. Motherfucker Takes a Vacation (1962)
- La Dolce Motherfucker (1961)
- Dial M for Motherfucker (1961)
- Motherfucker of Arabia (1961)
- West Side Motherfucker (1961)
- The Motherfuckers of Navarone (1961)
- Carry On Motherfucker (1960)
- Motherfucking Psycho (1960)
- North by North Motherfucker (1969)
- Anatomy of a Motherfucker (1959)
- The Motherfucker on the River Kwai (1957)
- 12 Angry Motherfuckers (1957)
- The African Motherfucker (1957)
- Nights of Motherfucker (1957)
- Lady and the Motherfucker (1955)
- Motherfucker Without a Cause (1955)
- Seven Motherfuckers (1954)
- Rear Motherfucker (1954)
- On the Motherfucker (1954)
- Motherfuckin' in the Rain (1951)
- Motherfuckers on a Train (1951)
- A Motherfucker in Paris (1951)
- A Streetcar Named Motherfucker (1951)
- The Lavender Hill Motherfucker (1951)
- Sunset Motherfucker (1950)
- All About Motherfucker (1950)
- Night and the Motherfucker (1950)
- The Third Motherfucker (1949)
- Kind Hearts and Motherfuckers (1949)
- The Treasure of the Chingo De Madre (1948)
- Mr. Motherfucker Builds His Dream House (1948)
- It's a Wonderful Motherfucker (1946)
- The Best Motherfuckers of Our Lives (1946)
- Ziegfeld Motherfuckers (1946)
- The Best Motherfuckers of Our Lives (1946)
- The Lost Motherfucker (1945)
- Double Motherfucker (1944)
- The Magnificent Motherfuckers (1942)
- Citizen Motherfucker (1941)
- The Maltese Motherfucker (1941)
- His Motherfucker Friday (1940)
- Motherfuckerasia (1940)
- The Philadelphia Motherfucker (1940)
- The Motherfuckers of Wrath (1940)
- Of Mice and Motherfuckers (1939)
- Mr. Motherfucker Goes to Washington (1939)
- Gone With the Motherfucker (1939)
- The Motherfucker of Oz (1939)
- The Motherfucking Rules of the Motherfucking Game (1939)
- La Grande Motherfucker (1937)
- Snow Black And the Seven Motherfuckers (1937)
- Motherfuckers of 1937 (1936)
- The Great Motherfucker (1936)
- Motherfucker on the Bounty (1935)
- It Happened One Motherfucker (1934)
- Motherfucking Kong'' (1933)
- Motherfucker at Eight (1933)
- Little Motherfucker (1931)
- Mother Fucker (1931)
- All Quiet on the Western Motherfucker (1930)
- The Jazz Motherfucker (1929)
- Motherfuckingtropolis (1918)
- Birth Of A Motherfucking Nation (1915)
In 2004, Samuel L. Jackson decided he was bored of films and branched out into stage acting. His lead role in Oedipus Rex was critically acclaimed.
Following this success Samuel L. Jackson appeared in several productions of Shakespeare plays. Purists however were shocked by numerous changes made to the scripts. These included:
- Othello: Rather than strangling Desdemona, Othello (Jackson) recites a passage from Leviticus and busts a cap in Iago's ass.
- Macbeth: Macduff (Jackson) pulls out nine millimeter, recites a passage from Leviticus and busts a cap in Macbeth's ass.
- Hamlet: Hamlet (Jackson) pulls out an AK47 and kills absolutely positively every motherfucker in the room.
- Richard III: King Richard (Jackson) arrives on the field at Bosworth with a huge clone army, wipes out the entire Lancastrian host and beheads Henry Tudor with a purple light sabre.
Music Career
In 2006, following in the footsteps of such talents as William Shatner and Bruce Willis, Samuel L. Jackson released an album of cover versions. It was entitled The Transformed Motherfucker and contained the following tracks:
- Common Motherfuckers
- Lucy in the Sky with Motherfuckers
- Mister Tambourine Motherfucker
- Puff the Motherfucking Dragon
- (I can't get no) Satisfaction Motherfucker
- Tiptoe through the Motherfuckers
- Some Enchanted Motherfucker
- My Motherfucking Way
- My Motherfucking Time
- Simply Put: Motherfucker
- Like a Rolling Motherfucker
Trivia
- Was a child prodigy at playing the piano.
- Once arrested for "unnatural acts with livestock" in Southwest Virginia, but when he took out his wallet to give the police his ID, they read the Epigraph "Bad Motherfucker" on the wallet. They immediately soiled themselves, then set Mr. Jackson on his merry way.
- During an interview he acknowledged that most of his inspiration comes from the Shakespearean actor Paul Reubens.
- Like Christopher Walken, he has also been in every movie ever made
- Holds the Rank Of Bad Motherfucker in the Nubian religion.
- Has 17 children, all with 20 different women, all the same age, all of whom are named Samuel L. Jackson, except one who is named Sir Remington Winslow III.
- Says that his favorite word is not "motherfucker", but is in fact "pistachio".
- Was named head of the MPAA sheerly due to his performance in Pulp Fiction
- Can cure cancer merely by screaming at tumors until they go into remission.
- Was once a Jedi Master, but was fired after stealing Yoda's Big Kahuna Burger and Sprite.
- Is also the father of two more children. The oldest being Aston Villa defender Jay-Lloyd Samuel and the younger being kiddyfiddling musician Michael Jackson. They had separate mothers.
- In the Bible, it is predicted that Samuel L. Jackson is the baddest motherfucker in the universe and will battle Satan, Emperor Palpatine, the snakes from the plane, a crazy clown with chainsaws and Nuck Chorris.
- Motherfucker.
- Unlike Michael Jackson, He's the real motherfucker.
- No one motherfucks with him. He's the real motherfucker to the second power.
- Despite popular belief, he is not black, but albino.
- Has a motherfuckin degree in motherfucker-ology-ism-ness-ocity
- Motherfuckin' AWESOME
See also
 | The Jacksons |
|
Andrew Jackson | Bo Jackson | Jack | Jackson Pollock | Janet Jackson | Jerry Jackson | Jesse Jackson | La Toya Jackson | Michael Jackson | Peter Jackson | Randy Jackson | Samuel L. Jackson |
| Preceded by: Lady Sarah Chatto | Line of Succession to the British Throne | Succeeded by: Arthur Chatto |
Categories: Not safe for planes | Jacksons | Wannabe Rulers of the World | British monarchy | Celebrity Deathmatch | Really Angry People | Articles about a person written in the style of that person | Bad Motherfuckers | People who are God | Guys who make Chuck Norris want to go home and cry | Things that made General Grievous cough | People you wouldn't piss off
