San Diego, California

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San Diego is actually German for a whale's vagina. “Go fuck yourself, San Diego.”

~ Ron Burgundy on the people of San Diego

“San Diego, or, in German, A whales Vagina”

~ Ron Burgundy on What San Diego means

“San Diego sucks.”

~ Mewtwo on San Diego

“I feel so honored and a slight warm sensation in my pantalones”

~ St.Diego himself on San Diego

San Diego, a foreign country that resides in-between Mexico, The Dictatorship of Southern California and The United States of Canada. The origins of San Diego's name have for centuries baffled scholars. It is also the capital of the world, and is inhabited by feral space monkeys. Recent polls have shown that 100% of San Diegans hate Mexicans, even though half its population are Mexicans.

Contents

[edit] History

Its a fact that its the greatest city in the history of mankind. It was discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it "San Diago", which of course, in German means 'a whale's vagina' or alternately, "Gritty Toaster Waffle".

San Diego was formed 20,000 years ago when hunting people of northeast Asia follow herds of Caribou, bison, and mammoth across the present day Bering Strait (though it is locally referred to as the nigger bridge). They moved south along ice-free corridors into the American continents and found a resting place where Groll the Thickbrow declared that he would start civilization. The San Dieguito people inhabited the land for many years until they were slowly assimilated into La Jollan culture and then eventually Diegueños around 1000 BC, yet another Indian culture. In November, 1602 , San Diego discovers white people forever changing the peaceful land. Years of turmoil followed as the native peoples were forced to make handbaskets.

[edit] Present Day San Diego

San Diego is most well known for being a gateway to the promised land of Tijuana, also known as the "happiest place on earth". The Mayor Of San Diego Lets retarted rednecks Run Free Here. San Diego economy thrives on year round Halloween shops, the infamous San Diego zoo, and the Gaslamp Quarter (San Diego's redlight district).

Meanwhile, the city's downtown has seen a huge resurgance in activity. Not only has the drug trade soared to record highs, but government corruption has peaked as well. Billions have been pumped out with dozens of new empty condo towers rising above the hundreds of homeless below.

Indeed San Diego today is the Los Angeles of yester-year (But don't tell them that, San Diegiaonos seems to have a thing against the Smog-land to the North)

Residents of San Diego are referred to as San Diegans, San Diegoans, San Diegites, and Beaners.

[edit] Weather

San Diego, like every city in the world, has four seasons: Close to Summer, Not quite Summer, Almost Summer, and Oh hey it's Summer again! Here are the weather statistics (annual avg.):

  • Precipitation: 1mm
  • Temperature: 74 degrees

[edit] Gang Activity

In the last two decades, San Diego has become home to some of the most violent and idiotic gang warfare in the entire greater San Diego County. Historically, the strongest gang has been the Questhaven Gangster Disciples; though their influence has recently waned as the Elfin Forest Dogz have grown in strength. The Questhaven Gangster Disciples have been responsible for the kidnapping and Foot Tickling of thousands of teenagers who just received their drivers’ licenses and drive off in search of the legendary Questhaven Institute for Satanic Studies. At the height of the Questhaven Gangster Disciples' power, they killed 39 members of the nearby Heaven's Gate gang and dressed them all in matching red jogging suits to make it look like a cult suicide.

Another area of massive gang activity is the upscale community of La Jolla. Since 1990, there has been an escalating turf war between the LJ Trolls and the California chapter of Midget Power over control of the bridges on Mount Soledad. After swarms of Munchkins stole the LJ Trolls toll bridge money, the LJ Trolls retaliated by repeatedly writing "LOL" in seal poop over many houses in the nearby Midget Colony.

[edit] Government

San Diego is well known for its Stratocracy governing body, enforced by the Border Patrol and the San Deigo Chargers. San Diego features the safest borders in the world due to its 100% effective Border Patrol that stops all illegal firearms, drugs, and Chimichangas from entering the The United States of Canada.

In the local arena the city has seen much change in government over the last few years.

King Dick Murphy IV abdicated his power after years of turbulance in the kingdom. The vacuum of power was filled after a long, bitter civil war between Duke Jerry Sanders and Baroness Donna Frye, with the Duke beating the Baroness at the Battle of Zoo. With her forces muzzled, she was banished to the city chambers where she continues to fight for the tribes of Mission Bay and Valley.

Duke Sanders (or now as he is known: "King Bendidict Sanders II") has taken power ruthlessly. The city has accepted him greatly though, and he is supported by many in the city's Court. Not much can be said about the Duke at the moment. Time will tell eventually.

[edit] Attractions

San Dago is known for having the only natural Black Hole outside of The Hood.

Other Attractions Include:

-Seaworld: Home of the last Shamu on Earth.

-The San Diego Zoo: The former PETA separatist commune, now semi-famous Zoo.

-La Jolla: The wannabe O.C.

-Pacific Beach: Where drunks and punks go to play

-Point Loma: See Loma's Point. Also is the location of Point loma nazarene university

-Balboa Park: A cluster of plaster buildings made to fool Japanese tourists into thinking the city has history.

-Legoland: Home of the Block People. Not to be mistaken for Denmark.

-Chicano Park: Smell the sweet frangrance of urine.

-Clairemont: Despite the French name, this is the worst place ever in the history of the world, inhabited by all Mexicans. It is the barrio of San Diego and is hot and sticky.

[edit] Famous people from San Diego

[edit] Richard Simmons' Activity in La Jolla

In La Jolla next to UCSD (The REAL Chinatown), under a 300-foot cliff, resides a beach called Black's Beach. It is the largest nude beach in North America, having a population consisting of 13% Surfers, 7% Lazy Beachgoers, and 80% Nudist/Purist FAGGOTS with the occasional naked woman. Of the nude population, 70% are fully naked, 29% are kickin' it like Whinnie the Pooh (just a shirt on but nothing below), and 1% are unattractive women. Resting within the population of [all white or maybe Mexican] nudey tootie frooties, "Here and Queer" Richard Simmons walks around in his his naked girth, sporting a white visor and carrying a half full can of beer. Every day, he walks around the beach, flopping around in his sodamy-hungover broccoli hair, and socializing with his fellow gays. If you see him in any way, shape, or form, RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN before he jizzes all over you. -How to tell if it is really him: He is short and stalky with a boner and a chapped white ass, clad in a bleach white visor and sporting a beer.

[edit] See Also

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