Sand
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Sand is a powdery substance found on beaches around the world. It is a mixture of extremely small pieces of glass, small, granular rocks, bits of diaper from small children visiting the beach, and plastic.
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[edit] How is sand made?
Natural sand is the result of millions of years of large rocks sitting on a beach, being relentlessly pounded, over and over again, by the endless power of the Ocean's waves. The power of these waves constantly buffets these large rocks, rolling them forwards when a wave crashed against the shore, then gracefully pulling them back towards the sea until they had been worn down to pebbles so infinitesimally small that getting them in your ass would really, really suck. Females also get this in their nether regions, Henceforth as referred to as a "Sandy Vagina".
However, the sand that was gradually created over thousands of years of repetitive pounding is NOT the sand you find on most of today's beaches. The sand found on modern beaches is mass produced in factories, who sell them to beaches, who in turn spray them all over the shore. "You see, to make our sand", says manager of Wal Mart's new sand manufacturing division, "we first take hunks of toxic plastic, then blow them up. We then add Lead and Oil, because most of our patrons find our products more appealing if they are bad for the environment. We then spraypaint them with any wide array of charming colors, from magenta to hot pink. Sometimes we stamp them with little advertisements for wal-mart, so passing crabs and other beach creatures will be sure to know where they can pick up cheap goods." Manufactured sand has become one of America's most successful businesses.
[edit] Use as a weapon
Sand was used as a weapon by the British shortly before World War I, as something to drop on the enemy. The Airplane had just been created, and they hadn't yet thought of something to dump on the enemy (it wasn't until the second world war that they started using bombs.) "We originally thought of using spoons, but changed our minds at the last minute and switched to sand," said a General from the war in a recent interview. The British hoped to blind the enemy by getting sand in their eyes, then finish them off by dumping ice cream on their shoes.
Unfortunately, the airplane pilots were given faulty maps, and the sand was dumped across Africa and most of Asia, as well as some poor, equatorial regions. Most of the ice cream ended up at the north pole.
By the time they realized the sand was nearly worthless, the newly formed UN began work on quietly covering up and brainwashing the world into believing that "sand" had always been around. Often tankers continued to run aground for a few years, or jettisoned their now-worthless cargo of sand into the ocean, where it washed up and covered beaches.
Sand was upgraded later, with Sand 2.0
[edit] Sandbox
A sandbox is a place to dump your kid when you need a break. It's filled with sand and is in a box. Sandboxes are usually found in backyards and parks, though they can also be found in certain sex clubs in Las Vegas. Sand boxes are also a good place to loose your car keys, coins, or motor vehicles.
Sandboxes are where the popular sport of Sandboxing takes place. Sandboxing is a sport in which two people fight in a sandbox, usually on a school playground (altough some large businesses have installed sanboxes in the parking lots as an easy means to settle workplace disputes, and a sandbox is being installed on the White House lawn). Sandboxing, compared to boxing, is safer because when one of the competitors is shoved down by his opponent, there is less risk of severe injury. The sand is just so soft that the boxer would rather take a nap on the sand than get up to fight his opponent. Because of this unusual phenomenon, sandboxing is much easier than real-life boxing, which sandboxing fans generally agree is dull and stupid.
[edit] Sand Immigration:The recent controversy
There are sand pits on both the northern and southern sides of the American border with Mexico. These sand pits have become a source of tremendous controversy in recent years. Mexican sand commonly blows across the border into America, and in early 2002, this began causing a major uproar. "This foreign sand is ruining our nation" said Fox News's Bill O'Reilly on the subject, "Every crime, every murder, every drunk driving incident that takes place in America is caused by sand. Mexican sand will take away the jobs of our American sand, ruin our economy, and the terrorists will win!!!" The rather obvious point that American sand and Mexican sand are exactly the same has been made several times. Republicans typically respond by looking puzzled for a few seconds, then calling whoever made the point a terrorist. Several peices of Mexican sand have already been lynched by angry hate groups.
