Sandra Bullock

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REWRITE: This article was written by a chickenhead (not God, who did the best he could). Somebody DO SOMETHING! HELP! HELP ME!

Chickenhead knows this because it has frequently "chatted" with Sandra Bullock at Mr. Chow

Sandra Bullock, God's favorite wiccan

“And God Said Unto The Earth: Let there be a female who is only hot sometimes in the right light! Hence Sandra Bullock was spawned.”

~ Black Moses on Sandra Bullock

“I did not say that. 'Right light.' Yeah. Sure.”

~ God on Black Moses on Sandra Bullock

Sandra Bullock is an American actress, film and television producer, and international spy. Her life story is semi-documented through works such as "Speed" "The Net" "Miss Congeniality" and "Demolition Man." Bullock is famous for her crooked nose, which many find to be "incredibly sexy" and "attractive." She has won a Screen Actors Guild award, nominated two times for a Golden Globe award, but what she's really known for is that she's worth around $100 million dollars, so guys who don't got the cash hook up with her.

[edit] Beginnings

God says: "I suspect this pic was from over a decade ago. I miss that look. It got her into the biz. As soon as she got in, things started going south."

Sandra Bullock was born in 1964. Her birth was followed by attending schools where she occasionally beat up boys and scared geeks by screaming opera in German. Not much more is known about her early life, though some speculate that her days were filled with studying Russian and refining her skill in firearms.

[edit] Mid-20s

As a charming transsexual-looking maiden/tomboy chick in her mid-twenties, Sandra managed to become popular as a reckless bus driver; a lonely ticket officer madly in love with a comatose man; and a scared hacker, who discovered that an IP address actually can be longer than 32 bits, and a virus written for a Mac (pure Hollywood fantasy, even for techies) can also infect a Big Blue mainframe (which is another big Hollywood lie made to fool the public. Macs are more durable than PCs, however. That is true). While her stunts caused harm to respected companies and buildings, Bullock was never criminally punished because she herself was part of the jurisdiction and was therefore exempt from any kind of prosecution and/or jail sentence.

[edit] Early 30s

God says: "She's got that 1960s thing going with this shot. Now this is why she's really, really hot. In the right light, of course."

Returning to a life of a practicing wiccan, Bullock realized that this is not her true destiny. Having forgotten her social skills as a young hot mama, she became a disgruntled FBI agent who didn't care about her looks, and eventually embraced the habit of snorting while laughing. Some of her charms remained, and this led her to a Miss America contest. Receiving the award of Miss Congeniality, Sandra suddenly discovered the need of world peace and also peace within which led her to practice as an unpaid lawyer.

[edit] 60s

A brief glimpse of Bullock's future in 2030 can also be seen in the Los Angeles documentary "Demolition Man" where she has totally forgotten her violent roots, and has become a sweet police officer having developed reluctance against male touches, thus she developed an electronic device for compensation. Despite old age, Bullock looks better than ever.

[edit] Men in Her Life

God says: "That looks like Sandra with Jesse James, a guy who banged tons of famous porn stars. Speaking of Andrew Dice Clay, Dice looks better than this guy, and this dude's younger than Dice. I don't know what that means. There has to be a Satanic ritual going on around there."

Bullock has not been very successful in her relationships. Being an eccentric, shy, violent yet lovely neurotic has made her relationships fragile and immature, hardly lasting longer than couple of years, or even months. It is interesting to note that when she switches jobs, old relationships are broken, and new are made. Most notable guest stars in her love life have been Keanu Reeves, Hugh Grant, Sylvester Stallone, and a guy named Matthew who always has his shirt off. Bullock is currently married to Jesse James of West Coast Choppers, because she likes big, beefy dudes on motorcycles who bang porn stars.