Goth

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Goths, Goths were very-good self-sufficient farmers.

“At this time, I have nothing to say on the subject of Goth.”

~ Template:USERNAME

“In a perfect world, there would be no such thing as Goth. Oh just forget it, there's no such thing as a perfect world! If there were a perfect world, disease, war, China, You, Pikachu, and Goth wouldn't exist.”

~ Stephen Hawking on Goth

“Damn the Goths! Full speed ahead!”

~ David Farragut on Goth

“I'm so goth, I shit bats.”

~ Marilyn Manson on Goth

“Do not.”

~ Alice Cooper on Marilyn Manson

“Do too, and you'd better believe it.”

~ Marilyn Manson on Alice Cooper

“LEAVE GOTH'S ALONEEEEE.”

~ Chris Crocker on Goths

“The goth chicks are best. i can cum in their eyes, their face and eat their pussies till they bleed and they love it, they love the bondage as well.”

~ Chuckie on Goths

“They are like so last year.”

~ Some Emo Kid on Goths

Goths have a very diverse taste in music and dark eyeliner as well as Clothing, and Accessories. They are a derivivative of the mime species, though marginally funnier. When goths and James Blunt have sex they produce Emos... do not interact with them, do not turn your back on them - shoot them immediately. Or stab them with a ice pick (or a pen whatever does the trick).

1 History
2 Culture
- 2.1 Role of women in Gothic society
3 Why goths are not emos: A comparison
4 Fears
5 The Great Gothic Kings
6 See also

[edit] History

A Gothic maiden has fallen in the great battle against the Chavi tribe.

The Goths were a violent East Germanic tribe of barbarians who proved to be a great nuisance for the Roman Empire from the 3rd ― 8th centuries CE, primarily on account of their terrible taste in music and dark, swirly eyeliner.

"You surely remember that in the beginning I said the Goths went forth from the bosom of the island of Satani with Berik, their king, sailing in only three ships toward the hither shore of Ocean, namely to Gothisatani. One of these three ships proved to be slower than the others, as is usually the case, and thus is said to have given the tribe their name, for in their language Ermohen means slow. These slow people were given so severe a telling off that they started crying and whining; the Emos were born unto the world!" (xvii.94-95)

After the move from Gothisatani, the Goths primarily inhabited the area in and around present-day Poland, known in Gothic as "HΩT TΩΠIK", which literally translates to "Hot Topic", bordering Gaul to the East. Goth in Latin means 'Miserables Degenerates'. Before the 5th century the Goths were divided into separate subtribes; the Romantigoths lived in London, the Satanigoths lived in stereotopeia and the Minigothic kingdom was made in China.

In the later centuries, they contributed to the collapse of the Roman Empire.

King Plastaric of the minigoths was known for his collection of toupés and wigs.

[edit] Culture

Many Goths really like stuff like this black chandelier relic.

Gothic culture is notorious for its themes of dark and macabre humour, fashion, and music, the latter of which was very prominent in Gothic culture. Many historians have described Gothic culture as having a dark romantic theme to it and being overall very creepy. Black attire, which also frequently had spikes, were casually worn by both men, women. Dark clothing had a distinct sex appeal in Gothic culture, and could include anyone in black, whether it was male or female. Dark eyeliner was also very popular amongst both sexes in Gothic culture, as was the color Blood Red. Loud, heavy music consisting of Death/Black/Doom/Industrial/Brutal Death/Funeral Doom/Extreme Gothic/Gothic Rock metal, anything considers dark and creepy or of a Gothic theme etc. Goths are known for having a diverse religion, varying from Heathenism, Arian Christianity, Atheisism to even Zoroastrians. They were noted as having a cultural fixation with silver symbols of Agnostic/Pagan/Satanic/Wiccan etc.

[edit] Role of women in Gothic society

Indisputable photographic evidence of an attractive Goth female.

Gothic women would sometimes spend months making dreads, corsets, and other clothing for one event. They were also known to spend thousands of dollars on one pair of boots. They shared a common trait with modern women in that for any event of n hours in length, they will take at least 2n hours to prepare, dress, and get made-up for it.

[edit] Why goths are not emos: A comparison

In order to show the differences between these two often confused species, presented here is a list of comparisons of the two groups.

Goths: "We're not like them, our anguish is real... They're a bunch of wannabes listening to Marilyn Manson and cutting themselves, okay, I cut myself, but that is to express true pain."

Emos: "We're not like them, our anguish is real... They're a bunch of middle-class kids who dress in black. Okay, I am middle-class, but I only to dress in black to hide my self-harm wounds better. Oh, and it expresses my true pain."

Goths: "I'm bisexual and I don't feel my biology should impose on how I define my gender. If you criticize me in any way, it definitely means you didn't understand me. I'm an individual."

Emos: "I'm bisexual and I don't feel my biology should impose on how I define my gender. I cut myself because no one understands me. I'm an individual."

Goths: "Why do you immediately assume that, because I paint my face to look like I'm weeping black tears, impose anaemia on myself, lock myself in my room writing pseudo-philosophy and/or poetry on Livejournal all the time about how my sexuality and gender confuses me and how my daddy doesn't understand me, have an obsession with silver Catholic symbols despite being agnostic/pagan/wiccan and like cults and death, I must be sad?"

Emos: "Why do you immediately assume that, because I paint my face to look like I'm weeping black tears, impose anaemia on myself, lock myself in my room writing pseudo-philosophy and/or poetry on Myspace all the time about how my sexuality and gender confuses me and how my daddy doesn't understand me, have an obsession with silver Catholic symbols despite being agnostic/pagan/wiccan and like cults and death, I must be sad?"

See? Entirely different with no overlaps. One has to ask how this confusion emerged, one really does.

[edit] Fears

Goths fear no man and death in battle is an honour. Their major enemies are the Chavi tribe and the Emoæ tribe, whom they have come in conflict with many times. One such battle with the Chavi resulted in the death of the Gothic King Manseric I and the Chavi King Howman II. Any battle with the Emoæ, however, have resulted in little loss to the Goths, as the Emoæ prefer to fall on their own swords.

Goths, living in a tribe based on great deeds and winnings, fear disgrace. A disgraced Goth would usually sacrifice himself to the gods, kill himself, sell himself into slavery or leave the Gothic tribe and become a ranger in Middle-earth. A good example of the Gothic fear of dishonour is the tale of Plastaric. Plastaric is "a most warlike little bugger" who eventually commits suicide, facing the aggression of the Alansheari and of the Hungry Hippos, who invaded his territories.

Contrary to the belief of some recent scholars, Goths are not afraid of the Bible; in fact a Bible translation in Gothic does exist.